


if i could give you the world

by souvenirsfromapastlife



Series: Accountability (no Heist AU) [3]
Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chris POV, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Exploring Sexuality, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Healing from trauma, High School, M/M, Middle School, Pining, Repairing fraught familial relationships, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, So you know my brand at this point, Teen Angst, prologue is about Sean and Finn but the rest is about Chris and Daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souvenirsfromapastlife/pseuds/souvenirsfromapastlife
Summary: Daniel's back - for good, this time. It's almost enough to trick Chris into thinking everything's alright now. But his mom's still dead. His dad's still... you know. And he still has to deal with the horror that is school. It's the little victories, he supposes.Chris and Daniel growing up together in Beaver Creek, from Chris' POV. Takes place in my Pseudo-Redemption AU but can be read standalone. Chapter 1 is a prologue featuring Sean and Finn and Chapter 10 is posted, meaning the story is finally finished :')
Relationships: (background), Daniel Diaz & Chris Eriksen, Daniel Diaz/Chris Eriksen, Sean Diaz/Finn
Series: Accountability (no Heist AU) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857640
Comments: 33
Kudos: 52





	1. Prologue

Like so many things in Sean’s life, the piece of debris had seemed like nothing until it had fucked everything up. Running over the nondescript detritus had made the car swerve to the side of the road, sending Sean and Finn down into the surrounding dusty field.

“Y’okay, sweetie?”

“I’m -” Sean let out a sigh, vanquishing the bitter tone he’d almost taken. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. I’m worried about the car.”

Finn flashed him a smile, eyes bright and full of trouble. “Car’s sturdier ‘n a fuckin’ castle. Let’s take a look.”

They emerged into the sweltering New Mexico sun, sweat already forming on tanned skin. The commune of Away in late summer had been a much different experience than it had been in February - after a little over a week in the south, Sean and sweat had become well-acquainted. He took a swig from the water bottle in his backpack while Finn did his magic car things. The view was vast, but devastatingly boring - dirt and desert shrubs as far as the eye could see.

“We good to go?”

“Er - uh. About that…”

“ _ But I thought you said - _ ”

“Don’t yell! I did say that, but -”

“We’re in the middle of  _ nowhere _ -”

“Hey, we met in the middle of nowhere -”

“And I almost got killed in the middle of -”

“ _ Sweetie _ . _ ” _ Finn’s tone persuaded him to take a deep breath.

Giving into the situation, he sat down inside the car. It wouldn’t start, but it was still nice and cold inside for the next few minutes. According to his Maps app, they were 3 miles’ walk to Tatum, the closest city. He took another sip of water and waited patiently as Finn tried a few more times to start the car, to no avail.

“Ready to hit up Tatum, dude?”

Finn waggled his eyebrows. “Tatum? You cheatin’ on me? Is it because her name is cooler ‘n mine? Or because her car works?”

“Damn. Heat stroke fried your brain  _ already. _ ”

“Can’t take out what never existed, sweetheart. That’s from Sun Tzu,  _ Art of War.” _ Finn tapped his temple knowingly.

Sean shook his head, readying his backpack for a hike. “From your ass, maybe.”

Finn winked. “You’d know.”

“Fuck off! … but yeah.”

\---

The “city” of Tatum was more of a concentration of businesses at a random point in the highway rather than anything resembling Seattle. Sean’s backpack weighed heavy on his shoulders as he trudged along, following Finn, who was shirtless. That was about the only thing the view had going for it.

“Hey, Finn…”

“Mm?”

“What’s the plan? When we get into town.”

“The plan? ‘Course there’s a plan. It’s…” Finn trailed off, reaching for an end to the sentence that just didn’t exist. He shrugged. “I guess I just assumed you’d take care’a us.”

Sean was incredulous. “You did? You mean I was following you and this entire time you thought…  _ I _ knew what I was doing?”

They looked in surprise at each other. In the hundred-degree weather, the look on Finn’s face - pure, innocent shock - was too much for Sean. He started to laugh, hard. After a few seconds, Finn was laughing too, and Sean found himself in his boyfriend’s arms on the ground, tears in his eyes, guffawing like an idiot.

“Aw, sweetheart.”

“Dude, how’d we even get here?”

“The 380, sweetie. From Albuquerque, remember?”

“No, I mean - it’s like, fuck, we’re on a road trip so I can discover myself and we can find a place to live, and shit. But I’m  _ seventeen. _ And I’ve already been to prison, and worked on a pot farm…” Sean’s expression turned serious. “Are we just never gonna be normal?”

Finn’s blue eyes were wide, drawing him in. “Sean… we aren’t. We just aren’t normal.”

“Are you cool with that?”

“Am I - cool with that?” Finn looked out into the distance. “Baby, if I were normal I’d be in community college in Montana gettin’ a business degree or some shit. Instead, I’m here. With  _ you  _ in my arms. I choose this. Every single time. Got that?”

“Yeah. I got you.” Sean let Finn go and watched as he stood up, admiring his easy confidence.

“Now come on! Hot as dicks.” Finn offered him a hand up.

Sean took it.

\---

That night, Sean laid with Finn in his arms, looking up at the sky from a national park in west Texas. Finn, scarily competent and cloyingly charming as always, had sorted out their car troubles soon after they’d reached Tatum. Car stuff, working with people - it just seemed to come so naturally to him. Even in their sleeping bag, Finn had settled into Sean’s embrace and drifted off to sleep, easy as breathing.

Nothing was like that for Sean. Art had come painfully, dragging its feet as he hammered out his own style. Even now, he doubted he could get into art school with his current skills. And besides art, what did he have? Running? That was a joke - just a way to fill time and stay fit. Lyla was his best friend, but only after years and years of time invested into each other. The only other thing he had invested as much energy into was Daniel, but he was off living his own (better) life in Beaver Creek.

As Sean searched the stars above, he couldn’t help but feel a deep emptiness inside of him. Who the fuck was he? He had put so much work into surviving the past year that the idea of doing anything else,  _ being something _ , was too much to imagine. It was like the sky was a dark mirror, reflecting all of the blank space of Sean’s identity. It frustrated the hell out of him.

He anchored himself using Finn, holding on softly to his bare upper body, grounding himself in the feel of warm skin and tight muscle. He took deep and slow breaths, listening to the quiet buzz of the Texas night around him. Finn had told him he didn’t need to know who he was yet, and Sean tried to believe it. It didn’t calm him down completely, but it paused the endless cycle of frustration and shame. Anxiety in the back of his mind, he let the exhaustion of the day drag him into a dreamless slumber.

\---

Unlike him, Austin knew who the fuck it was. People wore cowboy boots and hippie clothing and the art on the streets dazzled him. There were smoke shops, independent grocers, and concert venues as far as Sean could see. The cashiers smiled at him as he bought snacks instead of scowling silently. He was quiet with wonder as he and Finn walked the hot, busy streets, hand-in-hand.

Walking down the street he saw a busker, playing guitar and singing for money. She had black hair and a sleeve of tattoos that made her look older than she probably was.

“Finn. Can we stop and listen?”

Finn looked from him to the busker, understanding quickly.

They stood there, taking in the music, standing in the sun but not really minding. Sean was lost in memories, and he had a feeling Finn was too - camp, his time on the road in general. All of the people he’d left behind. All of the people he’d see again. Did they remember him? He was so different from then - who was the Sean they’d remember?

“Thanks for listening. Makes me feel appreciated.” Her accent was very Texan - overwhelmingly familiar.

For once, Finn gaped - his eyes were misty. Sean jumped in. “Your voice reminded me of an old friend. It was nice. Thanks.”

The lady smiled at that. “You’re welcome. Bet she’s thinkin’ of you somewhere, too. You seem memorable.”

Finn snapped out of his shock and dropped five bucks in the woman’s guitar case. “What he said. Thanks. Hope it all treats ya well.”

“You too!”

They departed then, Finn wiping away at his face.

“You okay, dude?”

“Yeah. Yeah. It was jus’… a lot. We’ve been through it all, huh? Tough to think about everythin’ I’ve left behind, is all.”

“You haven’t left everything behind.”

Finn smiled at that. “You’re right, sweetheart. Thanks.” They reclasped hands and continued down the streets, making their way to the Capitol.

\---

“So… me n’ big bro are thinkin’ we’ll stay here for a while! Austin’s fuckin’ - freakin’ cool, guys!” Finn’s entire demeanor lit up at the sight of Daniel and his friend Chris.

Daniel seemed equally excited on the other side. “Really?! You guys are gonna be cowboys!”

“Sure,  _ enano _ . As if you could see me in a cowboy hat.”

“How long’s the flight back?” Leave it to Chris to ask the actual questions - Sean was glad Daniel had him.

“‘S about 4 hours. Not bad at all! You’ll be able to see your big bros anytime, promise.”

Finn had stressed and stressed about living somewhere so far from Daniel, but Sean had reassured him the space would be healthy for all of them. Sean didn’t want Daniel to get used to depending on him for everything - it hadn’t gone well when they were on the run. It had taken him therapy to realize him being forced to be a parent wasn’t fair to either of them; he had been resentful, deep down, and Daniel deserved better than that. Hopefully the distance would let them be what they were supposed to be - brothers.

Plus, Sean had his selfish motivations to stay. “It’s hard to explain, guys. But this city makes me feel like I can  _ do things _ , you know? Like I can grow into someone I want to be. The art here is fucking amazing, and it’s like Seattle but so different. I need to be here for a while, figure myself out. Does that… uh, make sense?”

Chris’ eyes were wide, but Daniel looked tired of his speech. “Whatever you say, Sean. As long as you can come up and visit sometimes.”

“Always.” Finn nodded beside him and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll hit you two up for some fuckin’  _ Minecraft _ , so check your phone!”

“I will! Bye Finn! Bye Sean!”

Chris blushed. “Bye. Nice talking.”

The FaceTime ended, and it was just Finn and Sean in their rented room. Sean looked at his boyfriend.

“So what now?”

“Other than the rest of our lives? I don’ know. Sex then barbecue?”

“I’m down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waving goodbye to my boys, and hello to Chris and Daniel. Rest of the fic will be in Chris' POV!
> 
> Was hard to say goodbye to Sean and Finn, especially since literally all of the fanfiction I've ever written has been about their relationship, but this story needs to exist. I am so excited to tell it.


	2. 4th Grade

Ever since Daniel had blown into his life 3 months ago, Chris couldn’t quite play with his action figures the way he had done before. They seemed lifeless and uninspired, compared to the real thing. Chris had seen real superheroes - Daniel, and his older brother. The week they had been around had felt like he was finally part of a story. Sure, he’d just been the sidekick, but things happened and it felt like life could move forward instead of being stuck in one place. Maybe life could  _ be _ something again.

After they had left - it had hurt, but he knew they were in trouble and he had given them as much help as he could - life couldn’t have gone back to normal. What had happened while they were around was crazy, but it would be crazier to pretend it never happened. No - knowing that people like them existed changed everything. Instead of hiding from the real world, Chris wanted to jump right in. Find something that made him feel as alive and real as the superhero brothers living next door.

It helped that the real world was less scary nowadays. His dad seemed more serious after Sean and Daniel disappeared - like he existed more. It was hard to describe, and Chris didn’t really know what to make of it. It didn’t have anything to do with him - he still acted the same, keeping his head down, trying to be helpful, telling the Reynolds nothing was wrong. But his dad was drinking a lot less beer, and sometimes when he started to speak he’d shake his head and go really quiet. Chris would tense up then, but nothing ever came after. It confused him.

4th grade was the same as ever. His classes were fun, and talking with Maegan made things easier when he felt his loneliest.

The way things slowly turned normal was almost scary, like the world had forgotten Daniel. It almost scared him, how someone who could be so powerful could seem to change things so little. So each day Chris tried to hold his head up a little more, smile a little wider, show a little more kindness. Beaver Creek might have forgotten him, but Chris made sure Daniel’s impact existed, however he could. 

Beaver Creek had a lot of old people - older than Claire and Stephen, with kids that had gone off somewhere and forgotten their parents. Before, seeing people so lonely had hurt - it felt personal, oddly familiar. But now Chris only saw an opportunity, chances to connect. He’d strike up conversation - old people never thought he was weird, and he heard funny stories. He didn’t offer to help any old ladies across the road, though. The one time he tried, he was rewarded with the strike of a hard purse on his shoulder, so he stuck to making conversation.

When he was feeling like a real hero, Chris would use the family tablet to look up stuff about protests and politics. After Daniel had left, Claire and Stephen had told Chris the true reason why the brothers were on the run, with their father being murdered. He was almost glad it was them to tell him, because at first he just didn’t understand. The police were supposed to be the  _ good guys _ , he’d thought. There’s no way Daniel’s dad wasn’t a good guy, too.

So Chris investigated, down the internet rabbit hole. He didn’t understand everything, and there were moments when he realized he was reading something that was an elaborate joke, or worse, full of unimaginable hate. But slowly he started to realize that there was a lot going on in the world outside of Beaver Creek. It embarrassed him, that it took such an awful thing happening to his friend for him to learn about protests and Black Lives Matter and social justice. But he’d learned, and he promised himself he’d keep learning.

When he was home alone and trapped in enthralling memories, he’d draw Daniel - Super Wolf. In the middle of adventures, or just hanging out, sometimes with Captain Spirit. It helped him remember the curve of his eyes, the way he smiled so confidently, the way he spoke. And it meant they were together, in a way. His art wasn’t as good as Sean’s - looking at it made him uncomfortable - but it still felt like he needed to do it.

And so life dragged on like it always did, but with a new color. Or so, Chris thought.

\---

Just as suddenly as he had shown up in December, he returned, on a day like any other. Chris had barely unpacked his backpack after getting home from school when -  _ ding dong! _ He had looked through the eyehole of his door and almost passed out. There he was, skin even more bronze than he remembered and maybe a little taller, and definitely a lot sadder.

Chris opened the door gingerly, as if he were scared Daniel was an illusion he could shatter with sudden movement. “Danie-” He was cut short by a tackled hug. “Hey! Hey.” Daniel clutched at him desperately, and even as it broke Chris’ heart to see him so sad, he also felt like the world was making itself make sense again. “My dad won’t be home for a few more hours, come on!”

They sat across from each other on the floor of Chris’ room. His action figures, while still used occasionally, were now diligently put away most of the time, leaving the floor clear for the two boys. Chris sat criss-cross-apple-sauce, looking at Daniel in shock. He didn’t dare ask any questions - Daniel trembled.

“S-sean. He’s in prison.” 

“What? No!” Chris pulled him into a hug as Daniel shook violently.

“Yeah. For nine months.”

That was heart-wrenching. Daniel and Sean had been inseparable for months now. Chris felt tiny, insignificant, like it should be Sean hugging Daniel instead of him. Powerless against everything Daniel was up against.

“You’re living here now?” Chris asked, hoping against hope. Daniel nodded, eyes downcast. “That’s cool. Maybe… maybe we can hang out, sometimes.” 

Chris cringed - saying “that’s cool” when his dad was dead and his brother was in prison. And asking him to spend time with him like a loser - he flinched against Daniel’s gaze.

“Only sometimes?!”

“A-all the time! If you want. I’d like that,” he said smiling, face red.

“Can we still be best friends, Chris? I’m sorry I had to leave, before.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

“Y-yeah! I understand.” Chris offered his pinky. “Best friends. Promise.”

“Promise.”

\---

Chris sat hidden from the world in his treehouse, reading the latest entry in a mystery scavenger hunt series called  _ The 39 Clues _ . He loved this time of day, when dads from other families were getting home from work, and the air took on a golden hue, and the birds sang from the branches.

“- DON’T CARE!”

The treehouse echoed with the sound of a door being slammed, startling him alert. Chris peered over the edge of his perch to see Daniel stomping towards him. It was oddly windy, and the grass around him billowed, and the branches of the tree were being blown backwards, and -  _ oh _ .

“Daniel! Are you okay!?” Luckily, at the sight of him, Daniel seemed to calm, the tree recovering and grass straightening. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” He looked around, seeming bashful. “Can I… come up?”

“Of course!” Chris crawled back to make room as Daniel ascended the ladder. “What… what um, happened?”

“Grandma was being such a bitch! She says I can’t see Sean for  _ weeks _ . How am I supposed to know if he’s okay?!”

“That’s awful. Can you call him?”

“They’re not letting him speak to anyone until they figure out what happened. They think he’s a  _ terrorist _ ! They have  _ no idea. _ ”

Chris was quiet. Daniel still hadn’t spoken much about Sean, and he knew some wounds were too deep for him to touch. “I’m sorry, Daniel. But he’s Sean. He can do anything, remember?”

“My grandma wanted me to keep doing my stupid worksheet! It’s like she doesn't even care about him.” Daniel’s brown eyes flashed, furious. It was terrifying.

“H-hey… you wanna go look at my comics? They’re  _ Batman, _ I don’t think you’ve seen them yet.”

Those stormy eyes scanned him a moment, frowning. “Sure.”

Chris breathed a sigh of relief and hopped out of the treehouse.

\---

As much as he could get stressed out around Daniel, school was even worse. Baseball season had started at school, and once again, Chris was singled out for not playing any sports. He’d be walking to homeroom, talking to Maegan and out of nowhere someone would yank his backpack and make him fall backwards. The looks and laughter he could handle, but they got bolder and bolder as the term went on. Probably on a dare, Mac Kelley punched him in the face one day after school. It didn’t even hurt so much as embarrass him, having to hide the bleeding from his lip on the bus home.

Daniel balked at the sight, whipping into a rage.

“H-how could someone just do that!? You weren’t doing anything wrong - I know you! What’s his name?”

“Don’t find him!” Chris broke his silence, distressed at the idea of someone getting hurt.

“Are you kidding? But he - but I - AGH!” It was like Daniel was angry at  _ him _ instead of Mac.

“D-daniel, if you wanna help, can you make us something to eat? I’m really hungry.”

“Make you something to eat? But…” Daniel’s voice trailed off.

“Danny, don’t focus on it. Just hang out here with me? Please?”

His eyes refocused and met Chris’ own. “S-sure.”

Daniel started rifling through the cabinets. His temper had cooled down, and his tone turned fond. “I’ve never been called Danny before.”

Chris felt like a deer in headlights, completely forgetting what he was doing. “Oh! Um - sorry. I just said it without thinking.”

“I-it’s cool. I don’t mind… As long as you’re the only one who calls me that, obviously.” His back was turned, but it seemed like he was smiling.

Chris didn’t know why Daniel forgiving him made him blush harder. “I’m gonna go clean myself up. We don’t have that much time before my dad gets home.”

\---

Daniel spit out pieces of undercooked spaghetti when he got excited, he noticed.

“You didn’t have to make me a meal, Danny! There’s cereal in the pantry,” Chris laughed.

“I learned from Sean! It’s pretty good, right?”

“Umm…” They were silent for a second before bursting into laughter.

“Okay, maybe it’s not great!” He laughed, then paused. “I just wanted to do something nice for you, you know? Like... Sean did for me,” Daniel muttered the last words into his hands, face a mix of emotions. Chris didn’t know what to say. 

The low rumble of a truck engine announced his dad’s arrival. “Shoot. Do you mind leaving out the back? Sorry.”

“It’s no problem. I had fun! Maybe we can play later tonight.”

“Sure, Danny.” They smiled at each other before Daniel escaped and Chris frantically cleaned up his plate.

At this point Chris didn’t know why he tried to avoid his dad so much, or why he made himself as small as possible when he was around. Even when he tried to focus on not doing it, he found himself squirming under his father’s eyes.

“Hey, Chris. How was school?”

“Good.”

“Is this… spaghetti? You make this?”

“Y-yeah! I was hungry. Want some?”

“Sure.” He took a bite and cringed. “Usually yours is a little better. Sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m gonna go do homework if that’s okay.”

“Go ahead.”

To his credit, he tried to do homework, he did - but he couldn’t focus. Chris ended up lying on his bed, looking at his ceiling and caught in his imagination. His lip didn’t hurt at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, kids and their lack of subtlety.


	3. 4th Grade Summer

Before Chris stood the scariest person he’d ever seen. Hair gelled into an unruly quiff, triangle tattoos below his eye (who knew you could get tattoos on your  _ face?!), _ and a massive smile that oddly reminded him of Daniel. Chris felt very exposed, dressed as Captain Spirit in front of this guy who seemed like he beat up superheroes before breakfast.

The country accent that came out of Finn’s mouth surprised him almost as much as what he said: “Captain Spirit! Honored t’ meet you, sir. Daniel’s told me a lot about you!”

First thought:  _ he did? _ Second thought:  _ he called me Captain Spirit! _ Third thought:  _ say something! _

“H-hi! Same for you. It’s cool to meet you, Finn.”  _ Oh my gosh, how do you stop blushing and stuttering? I need a bucket of ice water. _

Finn squatted, getting on his level. “Super Wolf told me that you two got a secret hideout. I know I’m no superhero, but I’d still really like to see it, if I got permission.”

_ He was asking  _ him, for  _ permission? _ “Oh, sure!” He felt strangely honored. He knew Finn couldn’t have been a bad guy from how Daniel had spoken about him, but Chris didn’t think he’d met a cooler adult before in his life, except for Sean.

\---

They gave Finn his super title:  _ Quick Shadow, _ because he was super fast and always around to help even if they didn’t see him a lot. Daniel seemed brighter here with Finn than he had in weeks. He was still doing his school from home through the summer, so Chris had passed a lot of time on his own and had missed his friend, even though they still saw each other.

They were having a fun time - Daniel seemed to hold nothing back, really using the full extent of his power in the stories they were creating. It didn’t escape Chris’ notice that Daniel wasn’t using it in real life - maybe because of Finn? Something about that didn’t sit quite right, but Chris got swept up by the excitement of a new person.

Finn was really really nice. He told a story about him and Sean getting lost in a city and almost missing their train home that made Chris laugh a bunch. And he committed to being Quick Shadow, too - giving him and Daniel directions on how to beat a villain while he himself hid in the bushes. Chris decided he definitely liked him.

The sun was threatening to set when a familiar sound rumbled into the driveway, earlier than usual. “Oh. Look, my dad’s home.”

Chris tried to keep his tone light, not wanting to bring down the mood, but the thought of sending Daniel and Finn away when he was having the most fun ever really upset him.

Finn seemed to read his mind. “Can I meet him, Chris? Y’all could play inside.”

Chris nodded at that, uncomfortable but willing to take a risk in order to keep the night going.

\---

As soon as the pair were in Chris’ room, Daniel turned to him with joy. “Isn’t Finn  _ so cool?” _

Despite the pang of jealousy in Chris’ gut, he didn’t have to lie. “Yeah! He really is. You weren’t lying.”

“He’s the best. He’s really important to me,” Daniel said, pausing. “It’s like Sean got erased, you know? He’s just gone! And Claire and Stephen don’t like talking about him, and no one here in Beaver Creek knows him that well except from the news. It’s like everyone forgot him except for me and Finn.” Daniel sat back on the bed, sullenly swinging his legs.

His words resonated, reminding Chris of harsh weeks where some days he thought he was crazy. “Oh, Danny. That’s kind of what it was like when you left. Sometimes I almost thought you were imaginary…” he trailed off. It was quiet a moment. “Sorry, that’s kind of stupid -”

“It’s not stupid!” Daniel interrupted him, voice intense. “Chris… thanks. I didn’t know that. I’m happy we’re best friends.”

_ Oh wow. _ “M-me too,” he stammered. Chris felt lightheaded. “D-do you want uh, anything to drink? I’m gonna grab some water.”

“That’s okay. Thanks.” Daniel looked lost in thought. Chris shut the door gently behind him.

He stepped out, only to hide behind a wall at the sound of his dad’s voice. His heart beat hard in his chest and he focused on his breathing as he tuned into the conversation. Somehow he’d forgotten Finn was going to talk with his dad.

“ - don’t know what I’d do without him, though.” His dad sounded tired, like he normally did, but oddly open considering he was talking to a stranger.

Finn sounded friendly as well. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Not sure if you heard, but his mother passed a while ago. I was never really prepared to be a single parent, but… you know. I try my best. Life has gotten a lot better for Chris since Daniel moved in, though. I remember when him and Sean first dropped by - they left a big impression on him.”

_ Oof. _ Was he so obvious that even his dad noticed? And, wait - his dad had admitted that he wasn’t really ready to be a dad after Mom died. Wow. Thoughts rattled through Chris’ brain before he remembered he was supposed to be listening in.

Finn was telling his dad something about raising kids, which was super weird. “Nobody should have to shoulder all of that on their own.” He sounded so wise... wasn’t he like 20? 

“You’re a cool guy, Finn. Won’t lie, the tattoos kinda scared me at first. But you remind me an awful lot of Sean. We had a… similar conversation. Inspired me a lot, to get my shit together, get some outside help. I considered sending Chris away for a while, but I ended up deciding against it.”

Chris’ knees went weak. He could barely hear as Finn responded. “I can tell - you’re trying, right? And you’ve got more help now, than you did before.”

“Yeah.”

He couldn’t listen to any more. His head spun. His dad had wanted to get rid of him? Finn hadn’t even questioned it, like it made perfect sense and wasn’t something that would ruin his life. And - getting help? Did he mean Claire and Stephen and… Daniel?

Was Daniel his friend just so his dad wouldn’t have to deal with him?

Voices still came from the living room. “I should, uh, get goin’. ‘S close to dinnertime, and you know Claire,” Finn said.

Chris tried to blink tears out his eyes and stop himself from shaking. He staggered back into his room.

“Uh, Finn says it’s time for dinner, so I think you have to, um, go.”

“Oh, already? Aw, okay. Thanks for playing with me today. See you tomorrow!”

“Y-yeah, see you.” Chris could barely look him in the eye. Luckily, Finn entered, taking the attention off him.

“Damn, Daniel, you a mind-reader too? Let’s get our food on, little bro!”

Unexpectedly, Finn turned to Chris and gave him a hug - it made Chris feel warm, despite the pit of ice in his stomach.

“You’ll always be part of our family, got it?” The beautiful lie slipped so easily out of Finn’s lips. He wanted to vomit. “See ya soon, Captain Spirit.” Finn exited the room hand-in-hand with Daniel.

Chris curled up on his bed, waiting to hear the front door close before he let the tears out.

\---

The next afternoon after school, instead of waiting around for Daniel to finish up his homeschool classes, Chris decided to get back into his inbetween-Daniel routine. He walked around Beaver Creek, exploring nooks and crannies like record shops and underneath bridges and pockets of forest. When there was a stranger that looked friendly and a little lonely, he smiled and said hello. And, most importantly, he did  _ not  _ think about Daniel.

He did not think about how Daniel was just waiting to start school so he could get new friends. He did not think about the way Claire looked at him, like he was a shirt full of holes that she wasn’t allowed to fix. He did not think about all the times his dad had yelled at him for existing. He did not think about what a burden he was to everyone he knew. Instead, he picked flowers and handed them out and climbed trees where no one could see him and watched the sunset from a park bench.

Home was awful. He was trapped with his dad and his thoughts, and Chris wasn’t a fan of either right now. He tried to draw, but all he’d drawn for weeks was Daniel. He tried to draw Captain Spirit, but seeing his alter ego only reminded him of the confused, judgmental looks of everyone that saw him in his costume. No one understood. No one except his mom, and she…

_ Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts. _ Chris brushed his teeth and got into his pajamas. He curled up and tried to sleep, but it was earlier than he was used to and he was filled with something awful. 

_ Rap! _ A sound, from the window.  _ Rap! Rap! Rap! _ Chris neared his bedroom window and cringed back as another pebble hit the window. A distinctly Daniel-shaped figure was tossing them from his backyard.  _ Shoot _ .

Chris tiptoed around to the back door and emerged into the crisp, cool April night. Daniel’s voice was upsettingly vibrant.

“Chris! I missed you today. Are you okay? Sorry for banging on your window, I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to see you.”

He hated how much Daniel’s words meant to him. “You did? Why?”

“Why? We’re best friends!” Chris couldn’t see Daniel’s frown, but he heard it. “You’re being weird. What’s going on?”

He took a deep breath. “I heard my dad and Finn talking yesterday. He wanted to send me away.”

“What?! He can’t do that!”

“He’s not! Not yet. He just thought about it. H-he said he got some help. I think he means with me. Like… you and Claire and Stephen.”

“Huh?” He sounded genuinely confused.

“Daniel… did your grandparents tell you to be friends with me? So my dad wouldn’t have to deal with me?”

“No! No one had to tell me to like you, Chris. I just do.”

Chris sat down on the cool grass, leaning against the tree. He felt Daniel slide down next to him. He was confused - not at the situation, but at all of the emotions inside him. Part of him wanted to shove Daniel away and call him a liar, and part of him wanted to burst into tears and thank him for being nice to him even when he didn’t deserve it. He hated the way he felt so  _ bad. _ It took over his entire brain, made him jumpy and suspicious - it felt like he’d never been happy in his life, even though yesterday had started off one of the best days ever.

But, most of all, he wanted to forgive Daniel. So he did. “I’m sorry. I’ve been acting really weird today, haven’t I? I haven’t been a good best friend.”

“It’s okay. That happens to me too, sometimes. Sometimes I get really scared of things even when I know I’m safe and I get angry, or upset. I was really mean to Sean, one time.”

Chris looked at him in surprise, despite Daniel being shrouded in darkness. “Really?! But Sean’s so cool. Even with your powers?”

“Y-yeah. Don’t tell anyone, it’s embarrassing.”

He hugged Daniel then, overcome with the loneliness he’d been holding back all day. “Never. And I don’t think it’s embarrassing, Daniel.”

“Can you call me Danny?” He sounded sheepish. “Daniel makes me think you’re angry at me.”

“Okay, Danny.”

They paused for a second. Chris looked at the dark clouds rushing across the sky, hiding the moon. The sky was in haunting grayscale.

Daniel broke the silence, voice hesitant. “Do you still think the getting help stuff with your dad was about you? Maybe he’s getting money or something.”

“I don’t think it’s money. I feel like Claire and Stephen might be part of it. I trust you, though. I swear.”

“In that case, want me to find out? I can be like your super secret spy!”

They giggled together. “Okay, Super Secret Wolf. You’ve got a mission.”

\---

School ended with a fizzle as the days got hotter and more boring. Chris might have been out of class, but Daniel still had a lot of catching up to do, school-wise. And so, he found himself dumped into the summer days with idle hands and wandering mind.

One early afternoon, a couple hours before Daniel got out of class, Chris struck up a conversation with an older woman at a bus stop. She explained she was coming from a library, and laughed at Chris’ surprise - he didn’t think they really existed outside of schools. Armed with a set of written directions, he set off a few minutes later towards a dusty gray building with a roof that looked like it might cave in any moment.

However, the inside was crisp and cool - thank goodness, he was starting to burn - and the librarian at the front desk smiled at him. He stepped inside and felt like he had entered a fantasy world, no idea where to go.

“First time here?” Her name tag read Sabrina, and she was surprisingly young and excited for a librarian.

“U-um, yeah. I thought I was supposed to be quiet?” He rubbed his neck, nervous under the attention.

Sabrina’s laugh tinkled like a bell. “We’re fine right here. It’s when you get deeper into the library that we start shushing you. Can I help you find anything in particular?”

“Oh! I don’t think so?” He’d wandered in here without a plan, after all. His cheeks turned red. “I’m just looking for somewhere to kill time, and I really like books, so -”

“Oh, you came to the perfect place! I’m Sabrina. What’s your name?”

“Chris! Nice to meet you, Sabrina,” he said, smiling.

“Let’s go find you a book, Chris!”

A couple minutes later, Chris was gently cradling  _ Cartoonists 101: Dos and Don’ts of Creative Illustration _ in his hands. Sabrina was looking at him proudly.

“Thanks! This is awesome,” he said, looking at the stylized cover. “What do I do now?”

“Read!” Sabrina tilted her head back and chuckled like that was the best joke she’d ever heard. Chris just thought it was okay, but he liked that she was so nice. “You can check it out and read it at home, or, since you said you were killing time, you can read somewhere in here! We don’t mind.”

“Really?” She nodded. “Where should I go?”

“Feel free to explore - the building’s bigger than it looks. Or, if that’s too much, you can sit in one of those bean bags over there next to me, and we can chat if you want. I could use the company!”

Sabrina was odd, that was for sure. “Your boss won’t get mad?”

“Ah, Ellie won’t mind. We don’t get a lot of visitors in general - especially not young ones. I’m happy you’re here, Chris!”

“Me too, Sabrina.”

\---

Between mornings spent tearing through books at the library and evenings spent with Daniel, the summer actually started to fly by. Every day Chris woke up excited for what he’d be able to read, or a new topic to discuss with Sabrina, who welcomed the break from her busywork.

The stories he read taught him a lot about the world - how to react when you get stuck in quicksand, what to say to someone who’s upset, how to confess your feelings to your true love. He was much more inspired when he went to play in the afternoons.

“Jeez, Chris! Our adventures have been so  _ epic _ lately. I’ve been having so much fun,” Daniel had gushed, grinning at him. That was enough to keep him going back to the library until he died.

And best of all, his daily activities kept him out of the house - he ate a big breakfast (he usually cooked himself eggs and bacon and made toast) so he didn’t need lunch, and in the afternoon Claire would get him snacks and even let him stay for dinner. He was out of his dad’s hair as much as he could be. Most days he barely saw him, and some days he didn’t even see him at all.

No, that summer Chris was  _ not _ a burden.

\---

One late August afternoon he found Daniel bouncing with excitement.

“I’ve got news, Chris! I’m gonna be in your 5th grade class!”

That  _ was _ good news. They bounced up and down together. “Oh my gosh! Congrats, Danny! I knew you could do it.”

Daniel blushed. “Thanks. If I didn’t think I’d be able to be in class with you, I probably wouldn’t have worked so hard.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. “Y-you should go in the base. I’ll get some sodas!”

For hours they sipped their Cokes and talked about their respective school experiences. Daniel, unsurprisingly, had had a good number of friends in Seattle. It made Chris feel guilty that he was here in Beaver Creek, with him. On the bright side, they probably would have been friends even if they had met like normal people, which cheered him up.

“Danny. You should probably know that I’m - um. Not the coolest… guy in school…” He felt like he was confessing a lie. “If we’re gonna be friends, people might think -”

“Who  _ cares _ what they think?!” Daniel’s eyes were set, immovable. “You’re my best friend no matter what.”

“Th-thanks,” Chris stammered. He hesitated before continuing. “Are you worried about your powers?”

“What about them? I haven’t used them all summer. You’re safe, I’m making sure of it.” Daniel sounded almost apologetic, saying the last sentence.

“Really? I guess I always felt safer, knowing you had your powers.”

Daniel had a faraway look in his eyes. “You’re not. Trust me, Chris.”

“Okay, Danny. You know I do.” He gave Daniel a second to refocus. “So, you’ve had the summer to listen in on your grandparents, Super Wolf. Did you discover anything related to the mission?”

“Oh! The mission. I listened in when I could, but they didn’t mention anything about doing something for your dad. I swear. I would have told you if they did.”

“Oh, okay.” Chris blinked once, twice. “Wait. If they didn’t mention doing something my dad asked for, did they mention something else?”

“... yeah. They’re a little worried, you staying with your dad. It’s… um, it’s part of why grandma likes having you over,” Daniel explained, avoiding his eyes. “But only part of why! They really like you.”

Chris sighed. “It’s fine, Danny. I’m kind of used to the adults treating me like that.” He rubbed his eyes.

“Like… like what?”

How did he explain? “It’s like they think I’m broken. When they look at me they don’t see  _ me _ , just some sad kid whose mom died. But it’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever.” There, that look again. “They shouldn’t do that. I see you, Chris. And you’re really awesome. They’re dumb for not seeing that.”

“I guess.” It was getting chilly up in the treehouse, the sun long gone by now.

“What are you gonna do about your dad?”

“Huh? Why would I do something about him?”

“Because… you don’t trust him! And you don’t like spending time at home. I don’t know. I just think things could be better than they are. Maybe if you talked…”

Better..? Things had been the same for years, since Mom died. The idea of better just didn’t make sense in Chris’ brain.

Then again, around Daniel, a lot of things didn’t make sense. His dad had been nicer to him this year, and he had told Finn he wasn’t gonna get rid of Chris. At least asking would get him some answers.

“Maybe you’re right. I think I’ll try that. I appreciate it, Danny.”

They hopped down from the treehouse, legs excited to move again after so much time spent crossed.

“I have to get ready for bed, but let’s talk about school tomorrow!” Daniel’s smile shone through the evening.

“I’ll see you then!”

Chris walked home in the dark, a lot on his mind.

\---

Dad made tacos that night. As Chris took his first bite, he was pleasantly surprised by the juiciness of the beef and the complex flavors filling his mouth - sometimes he doubted his dad knew what lettuce was. He found himself speaking without thinking.

“This is really really good! Thanks.”

“Really?” His father’s face brightened considerably. “Great. I’m glad you like it, I worked hard.”

He cringed. “Oh. I’m sorry if I stressed you out...”

“No, like in a good way. Don’t worry.”

Chris nodded, but his shoulders couldn’t relax. Still, it seemed like his dad was trying. He felt obligated to say something.

“School is starting soon.”

“Yeah? How are you feeling about it?”

“Good.”

“Good to hear.”

Chris took another dripping bite. “Um, Daniel will be in my grade this year.”

“Really? That’s awesome. You must be excited.”

“I-I am.”

“Anything we need to do before you start the semester?”

He put the taco down, stared hard at the center of the table. Near his dad, but not directly at him. “Did you… want to get rid of me? Before?”

His dad’s brow furrowed. Surprised, but not angry. Every inch of Chris wanted to run away. “Who told you that?”

“You. I - um, I overheard you talking about it once.”

“Well…” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I was thinking about sending you to your grandparents’, yes. Not ‘getting rid of you’, whatever that means. I’d never let you go somewhere where I can’t be there for you.”

“But why?” Chris was tearing up. He’d already said too much, but it was too late. “What did I do wrong?”

His dad looked overwhelmed. “Nothing! You’re a good kid.”

“I don’t believe you! I hate this! Why won’t you tell me what I did?!” The sobs came now, making it hard for him to breathe, but he didn’t care.

“Listen to me! You didn’t do anything. Chris, I’m the wrong one. I’m the adult here but I’ve been a shitty dad. I was so upset that I took it out on you, and I’m so, so sorry.” Was his dad actually blinking back… tears? “I know I messed up our family. Nothing I can do or say can make up for what I did, son. But maybe things can be better in the future. I can do better, if you’ll let me.”

Chris wanted to say something dramatic, to scold his dad and tell him he was going to hell, or to say that he loved him and leap into his arms. But he was crying too hard, and there was a storm inside him, and for a while all he could do was sniffle and gasp and wipe away the mess from his face. And through it all, his dad held his hand. Chris had jerked away at first, but settled into the grasp after a moment.

It wasn’t much, but it was all they had, and someday it would be more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things always get worse before they get better.


	4. 5th Grade

“Danny, are you sure about this?” Chris fidgeted in his chair. “That’s your family time, and I’m not really -”

“Dude. You’re family as much as Finn is, and Finn lived in our house all summer.” Daniel sounded smug and resolute, like he was winning a competition against Sean.

“A-alright. If you say so.”

Daniel opened his new laptop, signed into the app, and soon two faces popped up on screen. The first, Chris had become more acquainted with than he had expected to. Finn currently rocked dyed, medium-length hair and looked happier than Chris had ever seen him, looking between the screen and Sean like a kid would look at two Christmas presents. He’d seen Finn with and without a nose piercing, but today it was nowhere to be seen, and his hair was a little wet - maybe he’d gotten out of the shower recently?

Looking at him with equal, if better hidden, affection was Sean, whom Chris had seen little of recently. They had spoken briefly at a going-away party, but there were so many people that Sean barely had time. It actually struck him that Sean looked younger after prison - he couldn’t quite explain it. Chris had the distinct impression that he had put down something heavy, but was still tired from carrying it.

He had plenty of time to gawk at them and ruminate while Daniel talked their ears off about starting school. Meeting so many new people had filled him with energy, even if they were mostly cold towards him.

“There’s this teacher who Chris and I sit with at lunch and she’s got the best stories!” The way Sean and Finn filled Daniel with energy was pretty adorable. “You should hear this one about the time she and her mom went to India and -”

“Hey,  _ enano. _ You texted me this, remember? You haven’t even given Chris a chance to talk.” Sean was considerate like that.

Chris turned red. “Oh! It’s okay, I like listening to Daniel talk.” He turned redder. “I mean, I don’t know if I have that much to say. Um, I talked to my dad.”

Finn quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah? How’d it go, bud?”

“It was... a lot? Not in a bad way. But there were, um, feelings, and stuff. You know.”

“Gotcha, li’l man.” Finn seemed satisfied, leaning back. “You come right to your big bros the second you need something, got it?”

Sean punched him in the arm and Finn moaned. “Dude, take it down a notch!” His smile betrayed his stern tone. “But yeah Chris, we’re always here for you, any way we can.”

“Like… you ever think a’ dyeing that hair of yours? Would net you plenty a’ chicks at school.”

“L-like yours? Whoa. That would be really cool, actually,” Chris said.

“Yeah!” Daniel seemed tired of staying quiet - he’d actually made it pretty far, for, you know,  _ Daniel _ . “I wanna help him do it! Can you send the instructions, Finn?”

“Fu-hell yeah I can! You’re gonna look badass, Chris. I see the punk in there!”

He was left stammering in front of all this open affection. It really did feel like he had two big brothers now, even if they were halfway across the country.

“Anyways… where even are you guys now? Austin?”

Sean spoke, oddly hesitant.  _ Did he forget where he was or something? _ “Uh, yeah, we’re in Austin. About that…” The older boys shared a look. “You wanna tell them?”

“So… me n’ big bro are thinkin’ we’ll stay here for a while! Austin’s freakin’ cool, guys!” Finn spoke with exaggerated glee, even for him. Chris caught on - he was scared Daniel might be hurt by the news.

He didn’t seem hurt, though. “Really?! You guys are gonna be cowboys!”

“Sure,  _ enano. _ As if you could see me in a cowboy hat.”

Chris felt like he should ask a real question, if Daniel wouldn’t. “How long’s the flight back?” 

“‘S about 4 hours. Not bad at all! You’ll be able to see your big bros anytime, promise.”

Finn’s words seemed to work - Daniel was much more focused on what Austin was like and what they were doing than on whether his big bros would be leaving him.But Chris burned with curiosity, especially toward his artist role model.

“What made you decide to stay, Sean?”

“It’s hard to explain. But this city makes me feel like I can  _ do things _ , you know? Like I can grow into someone I want to be. The art here is fucking amazing, and it’s like Seattle but so different. I need to be here for a while, figure myself out. Does that… uh, make sense?”

Chris was amazed, still processing the power of those words, but Daniel looked tired of his speech. “Whatever you say, Sean. As long as you can come up and visit sometimes.”

“Always.” Finn nodded beside him and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll hit you two up for some fuckin’  _ Minecraft _ , so check your phone!”

“I will! Bye Finn! Bye Sean!”

Chris waved. “Bye. Nice talking.”

His brain was still spinning - moving to another city to try and find yourself, do something. It was amazing, and terrifying. Chris couldn’t imagine doing anything even close to that. He was breathless, mind alive with possibilities.

Daniel next to him appeared differently. He sighed and drooped back into his chair.

“You okay, Danny? You look so sad all of a sudden.” 

“... Can we go outside?”

\---

The air was crisp and chilly winds contrasted the still-warm sunlight. The leaves had just begun changing color and Chris wanted to fill a canvas with greens and oranges and dot the skies with turquoise and gray. Right now Daniel’s face would be a pale blue - melancholy, quiet. Chris decided he should probably switch from artist mode to friend mode.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Daniel focused his eyes on the ball they were kicking. “It’s hard to explain.” They volleyed the ball back and forth before he continued. “It’s just… so weird that I changed Sean’s life so much. Bad weird. Younger brothers aren’t supposed to do that.”

“Nothing that happened was your fault, Danny.”

“I know that!” A solid kick sent the ball flying into the branches of the tree above them. “Everyone tells me that, but that’s just what they want me to think so I feel better. I know, I was a kid, and I know, Sean made his own choices. But if Sean hadn’t ran away to protect me in Seattle, his life would be normal.”

Daniel slumped down on the ground.

Chris sat down facing him, hugging his knees. “He seems happy, though!”

“I guess. But all I can think about is that he  _ could  _ be happier, and my powers are the reason he’s not. He’ll never get the chance because of me. If someone else did that to my brother, I’d never forgive them. So why would I forgive myself?”

Nothing rumbled. No objects flew, no wind buffeted the trees. Daniel wasn’t overemotional - just resigned. It was unsettling to see his friend like this. Daniel was  _ passion _ \- fun, enjoying life, of seeing the best in anything. The person sitting dejectedly on the ground was nothing like him.

Chris got up, approached him, but he didn’t even bother to look up.  _ Ouch. _ This time he sat next to Daniel, and when he still didn’t respond, he laid back on the freezing grass and looked up at the clouds.

“Danny, come down here with me?”

After a tense moment of hesitation, Daniel’s head softly plopped down next to his. “Dude, what are we doing?”

“Right now? I’m not sure.”

“This is stupid. I’m -”

“Danny. Deep breath.” They inhaled together. Daniel’s exhale was more of a huff, but it was good enough. He was silent, so Chris continued.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t get where you were coming from, earlier. I do. Trust me. You’re right, you did change Sean’s life.”

“Is that supposed to make -”

“Not finished! You did change Sean’s life, but you changed mine too. Only for the better, Danny. You made Sean’s life better too. Maybe you made it worse in some ways, but you’re not all bad. I don’t think Sean’s the type of person to tell you how much you make him happy, but I promise you do. That’s how you make me feel, at least.”

Finally Daniel looked at him and mustered a weak smile. “Thanks, Chris.” It wasn’t much, but Chris felt like a million dollars. Maybe he could do this best friend thing after all. “Can we get back to soccer now?”

“Sure! Can you use your powers to get the ball down from the tree?”

“No.” Daniel sounded resolute, on the brink of anger.

“Oh, well. Baby steps.”

\---

Chris’ attention was pretty occupied. Daniel kept making faces at him from across the room, but despite that, he did his best to keep his worksheet detailed with the content Mr. Mennell droned about. Biology wasn’t his favorite, but that was all the more reason to listen now instead of frantically figuring it out before the test. Then again, Daniel was pretty hard to ignore, pretending to retch every time Mr. Mennell said “rectal mucus” and forcing Chris to fight laughter.

The moment was shattered when Mr. Mennell turned at the wrong time, catching Daniel in the middle of a very involved pantomime of vomiting into a bucket.

Science teacher for over 40 years, Mr. Mennell reminded Chris of a spider stacked on top of a slug - all the wrong proportions, odd body shape that curved and had rough corners, and a neck that craned forward so that when he looked at you, it felt like he was about to lunge. That gaze was trained squarely at Daniel now. “Something wrong, Mr. Diaz?” he rasped.

“No.” Daniel looked down at his empty worksheet.

“That’s no sir, to you,” Mr. Mennell spat, turning to the board.

Daniel simply rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

In a move so jerky he must have gotten whiplash, their teacher snapped around. “Mr. Diaz,” he sneered, voice dripping with vitriol, “I don’t care what you people are taught before coming here - I would not be so arrogant with such an empty worksheet. You’re welcome to catch up during your next three lunches, so that we may spend class time educating the actually talented students of this school. Is that acceptable to you?”

To the class it seemed Daniel didn’t respond, but Chris heard plenty through the lights flickering and pencils rolling off desks. Daniel’s hands seemed to shake - he was really trying to hold back his power.

“Uh, sir -” Chris spoke to Mr. Mennell the way he used to talk to his dad. “Sorry to interrupt, but can you go back over transcription of RNA into DNA?”

“Ah, Mr. Eriksen. A rare mistake from you - it is DNA that is transcribed into RNA. If you missed that, then I suppose it’s imperative we review once more.”

Mr. Mennell was loath to stop bullying a student, but Chris knew the opportunity to correct a student was even sweeter to him. He passed a subtle smile to Daniel, but his friend didn’t even notice.

\---

“Three lunches?! This is bullshit. And you’ll be alone that entire time!” Daniel shoved past people in the busy hallway while Chris struggled to keep up.

“Don’t worry about me, Danny, I’ll just do my homework -”

“Gah! That’s not the point. Grandma’s gonna be so mad. I was just making a face! And did you hear what he said? ‘You people’?!”

Chris nodded. “That was awful. Maybe you can report it?”

“Why bother? No one ever does anything about people like him. Just forget it.” Daniel stormed off to his next class, a math class for the grade below them. Chris sighed.

He set off in the direction of History, but almost fell on his butt when he got yanked back. He didn’t need to turn to know what happened - this was a classic bully move.

“Thanks a lot, Mac.”

“Nope, idiot.” To his surprise, it wasn’t one of the usual suspects.

“Kyle? What? Why’d you do that?” Chris stammered a bit - to his knowledge, he and Kyle Piorkowksi were cool. They’d had opposite versions of Pokemon a couple of years ago, and helped each other complete their Pokedexes for the first time. They’d spent a lot of time together then, comfortable and lazy hours that made pleasant memories.

“Everyone knows you’re a loser, Chris.”

He had to roll his eyes, as Daniel had done minutes prior. His bully lines were severely lacking. “No, Mac says that. Are you tired of thinking for yourself or something? Come on.” As much as Chris tried to put on a cool exterior, his tone became pleading. He didn’t have a lot of friends, and former buddies turning against him hurt more than he cared to admit.

“It’s because it’s the truth! Like Daniel being a freak with a criminal brother.”

That was enough. “Stop being an asshole, Kyle. He’s cool when you get to know him. I’m late for class anyway.”

Kyle scoffed, but Chris was already walking off. He had enough going on as it was.

\---

As much as he wanted to make things better with his dad, dinner was still pretty painful. At Daniel’s house it was all laughter, warmth, good food. At home it was more like awkward silences, awkward conversation, and burnt food. 

The unburnt parts of the meatloaf were pretty good, though. He took a bite as he thought about how to answer his father’s question. “School’s… okay.”

“Just okay?” 

“There’s, um… this guy I thought was my friend is kind of being mean to me, out of nowhere.” Chris hid his face by taking another bite.

“Like - like a bullying type of thing?” His dad sounded concerned and uncomfortable. That made two of them.

“No! Just like… I don’t know. He’s trying so hard to hurt my feelings, and I don’t know what I did.”

His dad was silent, furrowed brow.

“Chris… most of the time, when people are mean to you, it’s not actually about you.”

“What? That makes no sense.” He was still getting used to being so frank with his dad - it was strange.

“How to explain… sometimes, we don’t see other people, just what they represent to us. Back when I used to play basketball, there was this enemy team with this killer star player. We used to get trashed by them every game, and I really started to hate his guts. I thought he was this cocky and disrespectful jerk. But when I finally met him, he was just a cool guy. The reason I hated him so much was because I felt insecure about losing. All that anger I felt about getting embarrassed in public got turned on him, but it wasn’t him, just what he represented to me. That make sense?”

“Yeah, actually. It does. But what do I represent to Kyle?”

“I don’t know, honestly. But I bet you can figure it out. You’re a smart kid.”

His dad’s genuine smile made him blush and look down.

“U-uh, how are you lately?”

“Hah. Tired.” He let out a dad-ly chuckle. “Um, I’ve been going to meetings lately, which has helped me a lot.”

“Meetings?” Chris cocked his head. “Don’t you always have meetings at work?”

“Uhh… AA meetings,” he muttered.

“What’s that?”

“Alcoholics Anonymous. They help people with a disease - addiction - get better.”

“Oh.” He’d been told something important, but too big to grasp right now. “That’s cool, dad. Thanks for telling me.”

“Yeah.”

“Um, did you… make any friends there?” Chris had no idea if that was a stupid question or not.

“Yeah, I did, actually. A cool lady named Kyu Won.”

“‘Q-One’?”

Charles laughed. “That’s how she said to pronounce it.” He spelled it out for him. “She’s Korean! She’s a nice lady, very funny.”

“You haven’t told me about any of your friends in a while! That’s awesome.”

It really was. Chris chuckled to himself. Like the meatloaf, parts of him and his dad’s relationship was messed up, but there was still something there. And it was good.

\---

“I talked to grandma, but she says that without ‘evidence’ we can’t do anything about Mr. Mennell.”

“God, Danny, that sucks. Maybe we can wait and get him later though?”

“Sure.”

He couldn’t tell if Daniel was focused on studying - math still came hard to him - or something else, and he figured it wasn’t time to ask. Lunch was their recharge time; especially for Daniel, who got so drained from doing what school demanded of him, so losing it yesterday took a toll. It’s not like he  _ loved  _ studying in the library before first period, but he usually still had his characteristic energy.

“Hey…” Chris hesitated. “I know this is, um, hard. Are you doing okay, Danny? I know you’re dealing with kind of a lot.”

“Chris… thanks. I’m fine. I’m gonna go to class a little early.”

“Oh. Um… okay.”

Daniel left in silence, Chris left to agitate over whether he did something wrong or if he just wasn’t good enough in general. The math homework that had seemed so simple moments ago felt far away.

“Trouble with your illegal-ass boyfriend?”

“What..?” Chris craned his neck around in his chair to see - who else - Kyle Piorkowksi, backed up by Mac Kelley.

“You heard me. Right, Mac?”

Mac’s face was hard to read. His eyes scanned Chris. “Yeah, whatever.”

This seemed to excite Kyle. “Hear that, Eriksen? Everyone knows about you and that criminal kid.”

“Knows about what?” 

“That you two touch dicks and shit,” Kyle laughed. He looked back at Mac, who was frowning. But Chris didn’t have the time or energy to guess why.

“Hey, Kyle?”

“Wha-” Chris’ fist smashed into Kyle’s nose before he could finish whatever inane question he’d started. To his surprise, his hand  _ hurt,  _ throbbing where it’d made contact. Chris fought off the temptation to swear. Kyle looked like he had it worse, clutching his nose and leaning against a bookshelf.

“What the fuck?!” His gaze swiveled from Chris to Mac. “Are you gonna do something?”

“Talk shit, get hit, I guess. Sorry, Piorkowski.” Kyle gaped as Mac got up to leave. “You’re definitely a freak, but Diaz seems okay. By the way, you get in less trouble if you’re the one to tell the teacher. Though I didn’t expect you could do something like that.”

Chris didn’t think he could either. He gathered his homework with his still-throbbing hand and got up to tell his homeroom teacher. He had no idea what he’d say, but it’s not like the morning could get much weirder.

\---

“... so then I punched him.”

His father was quiet for a moment - his eyes bore into him. He broke the silence with a deep sigh.

“Come here.” And before he knew it, Chris was enveloped in a bear hug. He barely had time to feel uncomfortable - the warmth eased his entire body (except for his hand). “Chris… I don’t like the idea of you getting into fights, but if a kid is already starting something with you and being mean to someone else, I’m proud of you for ending it. A week’s suspension isn’t great, but it’s not like this is gonna happen again… right?”

“Right. I promise.” His dad nodded. “Um… would you mind helping me with my hand? It really hurts.”

He chuckled. “Sure, son.”

\---

Homework, which seemed to steal so much of Chris’ time usually, took up a tiny portion of his day while he was suspended. To compensate, his dad and Stephen agreed to help him expand the treehouse - add more space, fix up the ladder, put in walls and a roof to protect from rain. It was  _ awesome. _

Of course, Chris wasn’t doing the sawing and hammering, but moving boards of wood and handing nails and tools was tiring enough to make him feel like he was helping. Spending a lot of time with his dad was still a little daunting, but the conversation got more natural each day. The silences became less awkward as well, luckily for the introverted pair.

In the evenings Daniel would praise their progress and help out where he could - it was awesome to work on a project with just the guys.

“Danny, can you levitate that plank of wood up here? My dad and your grandpa are still inside.”

“Can’t I just carry it?”

Chris laughed. “You can try, but that one’s huge! Just use your powers before my dad comes back.”

“No! I can do this.” Daniel tried to get a grip on either side of the board, and barely got it under control.

“Umm…” Chris felt like he was watching an accident about to happen, but he was powerless in the face of Danny’s bravado.

“I - got - it!” He panted, trying to lift it and walk at the same time. He stumbled over to the trunk of the tree - so close to his destination - managed to get a foot on the first rung of the ladder - and without warning, the board tipped backwards, taking Daniel with it, falling with a sickening  _ BANG! _

“Danny!” Chris didn’t bother using the ladder, jumping right off the treehouse platform and lifting the wood off his friend. Daniel looked dazed but intact underneath. “You scared me… are you okay?”

“Ugghhhh. I’m okay. Shit.”

“Should I get your grandma?”

He sat up with a start. “Don’t! I’m fine.”

“Why didn’t you use your powers?”

“So you get hurt instead of me?! No way.” 

“Wha? That’s… you’d never hurt me, Danny.”

“You don’t know that,” he muttered.

And before Chris could ask what hell was up with him, Daniel stormed inside. What was it about Chris that made him a drama magnet?

\---

“Listen, son. I’m all for self-defense, but it does sorta sound like you punched when you didn’t need to, back then.”

“I know…”

“I support your choices! You’re a good kid. But before anything happens, remember that you’re half of every situation, and that means you have control and responsibility. Remember that when you go back to school and see Kyle again, okay?”

“Okay.”

The conversation with his dad echoed in his mind during lunchtime. Apparently relations between Daniel and Mr. Mennell had only soured without Chris’s intervention, and Daniel had lost more and more lunch periods. It left Chris alone to deal with… Kyle Piorkowski, walking to his spot in the cafeteria.

Of course.

“Hey, loser,” he spat, fists clenched but shaking.

“Hey, Kyle. How’s your -” His dad’s words echoed in his head; maybe ‘how’s your nose’ was not the most diplomatic response in the world. “How are you?”

“I - what do you care, freak?”

Hmm. That seemed to catch him off guard. Maybe he could kill with kindness? That’s what Captain Spirit would do.

“Remember when we played X and Y together? I thought we could play  _ Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon _ sometime.”

“You what?” Kyle scratched his head, sounding like a broken record. “You - you punched me in the face.”

“You did start it, though,” replied Mac, sitting nearby.

“Shut up, asshole! And you were just mad I made fun of your boyfriend.”

“Kyle, you’re really cool. I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately, but the stuff you were saying was over the line. I’m sorry for punching you. Really. But what you said wasn’t okay.”

“Dude, are you really this lame? Or are you just worried I’m gonna even the score?”

Chris laughed. He’d been bullied too much in his life for this to affect him that much. “I’m sorry, again. I’m not gonna fight you or whatever, even if you keep being an… asshole. But what’s going on, Kyle? Are you okay? We can hang out and talk if you want - I’m not really busy.”

To demonstrate, Chris sat back in his seat and took a bite of his sandwich.

Confused eyes scanned him for a moment, tried to take stock of the situation. “You’re  _ really  _ weird.” With that, Kyle turned and stomped away,

“Chill out with the ‘Mexican’ stuff, dude!” Mac called after him.

Chris barely heard it. “Yeah, I guess I am pretty weird,” he muttered to himself.

\---

Daniel took a heavy seat. “Jeez, you don’t know how much I missed lunch with you, Chris.”

“How’d it go with Mr. Mennell?”

He scoffed. “Not great. Of course. But he said nothing to get us both in trouble, I guess. And I’m  _ really _ good at biology now.”

They laughed.

“What about you, Chris? Kyle and Mac didn’t try to start anything when you got back, right?”

“Uh… about that…”

Chris was sheepish as he told Daniel the story, but deep down he savored the look of awe on his face.

“And he just ran away?! Like that?”

“Yeah. I think he wanted to fight me to show off to Mac or something. It was interesting.”

“Wow! You handled that way different than I would’ve! But that’s why we’re best friends.”

“If I’m your best friend... can I ask how your head is after that fall the other day?”

He hated the way Daniel’s face fell at the mention of the incident, but Chris had been seriously worried. 

“I’m fine.”.

“Danny… please. What  _ was _ that?”

For a long moment Chris’s pleading eyes met his friend’s.

“I don’t like using my powers. You know that.”

“But why? They’re part of you.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like them.”

“Woah, Daniel - why? You’re not explaining anything.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone! Like I did to Sean, and… other people. And I don’t want you to stop being friends with me because you know I’m bad and -“

“You’re not bad! I know you’re not bad. I know you.”

“I - you don’t know that! There’s stuff I’ve done that you haven’t seen -“ Daniel was panting and gasping for air. Chris squeezed his hand, trying to anchor him to the ground.

“Breathe. It’s okay, I’m here.”

They stilled, and the panic in Daniel’s eyes receded hesitantly.

“Thanks… sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“I just… hate what my powers did to Sean. His life is so different because of me. Worse.”

“But you saved me, remember?”

“Maybe. And that’s just for now. Who knows what’ll happen in the future? My powers go off the rails all the time.”

“You can’t see your powers as separate from you, Danny. They’re a part of you, and it’s too late to try to pretend they don’t exist. Isn’t it better to train yourself to use your powers for good? That’s what Sean tried to help you do.”

“I guess…” His eyes inspected him. “You sound like him right now, you know.”

“R-really?” Chris’s face lit on fire. “Sorry.”

“No… it was good. Really.” The silence turned awkward, but the tension had drained out of the room.

“You know, I do have an idea about how we can use your powers, if you’re ready for a mission...”

\---

“Um… excuse me, Mr. Mennell…”

Predatory eyes leered at him. “For what purpose are you interrupting my lecture, Mr. Eriksen?”

“Sorry, sir… I just noticed there was a worksheet on the ground, is all…”

The teacher’s eyes lit up with equal fury and glee. “Now,  _ who _ would be so careless as to leave their - oh?”

Just before he caught it, the worksheet flew tantalizingly away, as if caught by a gentle serendipitous breeze. Mr. Mennell staggered towards it, enchanted by the prospect of humiliating a child once more. Each time he lunged to snatch the sheet, it fluttered ever so slightly out of the way. On his second attempt at grabbing it, his keys seemed to come loose off his belt. They fell silently to the floor, unnoticed by their owner. Mr. Mennell carried on, unsuccessfully reaching at the worksheet until he was in the hallway. Before he could notice, however, the door was swinging shut, locking automatically as was the norm for their school.

The class held their breath a moment. Their teacher was vanquished, overcome by greed and pride. The air was silent, filled with tension you could cut with a knife. Then, from Daniel, a single giggle. It opened the floodgates, and within moments the room was filled with laughter, and Chris barely heard Mr. Mennell find out that there was no name on the worksheet at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris has learned there's power in forgiveness - Daniel's still figuring it out.


	5. 6th and 7th Grade

It was impossible to believe a year with Daniel in school had gone by. When he’d first returned, Chris was certain it would wear off, but Daniel still felt ripped straight out of a dream. The mundane felt more animated around him - Daniel quite literally brought magic into Chris’ life. Instead of waking up last year, he had simply slipped into an alternate universe, where they went to school and had adventures and dramatic conversations and -

“Daydreaming, Chris?” The bespectacled girl in front of him was a familiar sight, though one he’d seen little of recently.

“Oh! Hey, Maegan. I guess I was, yeah.”

She took a seat next to him, luckily for him. It would be nice to have a friend in math, especially since Daniel wouldn’t be with him. “I missed having classes with you last year, dude. Though from what I hear, you had some fun without me?” Her eyebrow quirked - somehow menacingly.

“I-I, um…” he stammered. “I guess? Bio was kind of a drag, so…”

“No way! You’re really lying to me right now?”

“I just don’t really want to get into it.”

Maegan was simply sitting in her seat, but something about her radiated predatory instinct. “That’s fine. So, what’s up with that Daniel kid?”

“You’re just interrogating me, Maegan!”

“You’re not very subtle, are you?” Chris swore her glasses flashed like she was some anime character. “But I guess I don’t really need to. We have classes and lunch together, so I’m excited to spend some more time with you… and find out everything I need to know.”

“Wh- how did you know we have lunch at the same time?! And what do you need to know!?” 

“You’ve changed since Diaz got here. I’m gonna find out exactly what you two are up to. That’s a promise,” she smirked.

“Okay. Do whatever you want. I, for one, am just happy to hang out again. Without questioning you! Whatever.” Chris sighed dramatically. This year would be fun.

\---

Chris walked through the halls, taking a leisurely pace since his 6th and 7th periods were close together. He was zoned out, thinking about a social studies assignment when - something jerked at his backpack. Familiar, but much less aggressive than in the past. Could it be - ?

“Hey, Kyle. Ever heard of tapping someone on the shoulder?”

“H-hey, Chris. How was your summer?” Kyle looked as shifty as ever, swapping his weight from foot to foot.

“You care now?!” The words came out before he could think, and it surprised him to see Kyle cringe in response.

“No - I mean yeah - listen. I’m sorry about last year, okay? I was going through some… stuff. And I think it would be really cool if we put it all behind us.”

Chris bit his tongue. From what he remembered, Kyle was not the one being generous when he offered to forget what happened. Trying to fight someone in a cafeteria and then storming off wasn’t exactly the peak of coolness. But it did seem like he was trying. And Chris was telling the truth when he had said it would be cool to be friends again.

Before he could decide what to say, Kyle blushed. “I actually did… play Ultra Sun. It was kind of a ripoff though. It didn’t do anything to fix the original’s problems.”

“I know,” Chris exclaimed. “Those islands were so railroaded! And there was nothing to do after you finished the game.”

“Right?!” Kyle let out what could only be described as a giggle. “Dude, this is much better than fighting.”

“Right. If only someone had _said so_ …”

“Ha! Totally. Anyways, you, me, and Diaz should all chill sometime. Would be fun.”

 _Huh?!_ “Daniel??”

“Yeah. I mean, you got cooler when you became friends with him, and he’s kind of mysterious. I want to get to know him. And hang out with you.”

Hanging out with Daniel with someone else there? The thought was alien. He wanted to say no, but looking into Kyle’s eyes… “I’ll ask what Daniel thinks.”

“Cool!” Damn those puppy dog eyes. Where was this softie last year? “Here, take my number.”

“Um, sure.” Chris did not have a phone.

“See you soon, man!”

Life was just too odd sometimes. Chris tucked the slip of paper into his pocket and continued on to 7th period.

\---

In the recently-roofed treehouse, pencils scratched against paper - Chris drawing, Daniel working on a problem set. It was science, so Daniel’s brow furrowed, face scrunched up as he thought through the problem. He was so invested that Chris took the risk and started sketching him - memorizing lines and translating them into cartoon swoops and bold streaks onto the page.

“Do you think grandma will get me a phone, too, if I ask?”

Chris snapped to attention and subtly turned over his drawing. “Sure, it’s worth a try. My dad was really chill about it. And I think you’ve worked hard enough in school to deserve one!”

“Really?” Daniel’s eyes sparkled. “Thanks, Chris.”

“Yeah. And, um, I’ve got a question for you if you’re ready.” The usual easy smile and nod signaled him to continue. “So, remember Kyle?”

“The asshole that picked fights with you last year? What’d he do this time? You need help?”

 _Oh. Well, at least Daniel’s ready for the idea of the three of them in a room together._ “Err… not quite. We’ve been texting for a couple days. He was actually wondering if the three of us could hang out sometime.”

Daniel let out a barking laugh. “Alright. Tell me for real.”

“I’m not kidding, Danny! And I was sort of thinking it would be cool to do, at least once.” 

“He was a dick to you.”

“Before that he was really cool to me. And I’m not exactly popular enough to turn down friends,” Chris muttered.

“We have something good, Chris. Why mess with it? That’s when everything goes wrong.” Daniel seemed more disappointed than hurt.

Chris faced him, entire body pleading. “Not like inviting him to the treehouse or anything! Just lunch. I think it could be cool! And really good for us.”

He could see by the look in his eyes that Daniel had given up on him. “Good for you, maybe. You can do whatever you want.”

Daniel snatched up his papers and his backpack and hopped out of the treehouse. Chris turned his sketch back around. The concentrated expression on cartoon Danny’s face peered back at him.

“I know we had a fight… but what was I even arguing against?”

\--

Another week, another book. Chris was still working through his newest _Guide to Cartooning_ , but he was ready for another interesting find. He had just finished a book on how to read body language, and now he got anxiety whenever someone crossed their arms.

The dusty aisles of the library seemed ethereal, ripped out of another dimension. Fluorescent bulbs lit everything up in stark detail, making it hard to focus on any one thing. Looking around, Chris would have had no idea where the exit was if not for his now years of experience in the place. Listening for a moment for telltale shuffling of feet, he determined there was no one nearby. Letting out a contented sigh, Chris laid down on the floor next to the nonfiction books with authors with the last name Smith.

“Chris?” The voice jerked him back to consciousness, though it was a friendly one.

“Oh - hey, Sabrina!” He shook the dust out of his hair.

“You’re lucky I found you. Ellie would have thought you were a dead body and thrown you out. Come on, up,” she said, offering him a hand and pulling him to his feet.

“Sorry about that. Guess I relaxed a little too much.”

“I’m glad you could!” Sabrina pulled out a barcode scanner and started scanning books on the shelf. “How’s school? Haven’t seen you much lately.”

“It’s sorta stressful. A lot of things are changing, I think. At home and at school. Not in a bad way, it’s just… weird. I guess it tires me out.”

“And here is the only place that seems to stay the same, right?”

“Exactly.” They shared a smile.

“That’s why I like it here so much. Even when life is complicated.” She sighed. 

Chris looked at the book she was scanning - _Explaining Chaos_ , by Peter Smith. “Is life complicated for you right now?”

“Ha! You’ll learn that life is always complicated, you just can’t always see it. But yeah. I guess I kind of have the opposite of your problem - nothing’s changing, no matter how much I want it to. I became a librarian to connect with people. Libraries are centers of the community! But it just feels like we’re not connecting like we used to.”

He felt strangely honored to hear about her grown-up problems. Sabrina was a kind person - he had to help, if he could. “Maybe you could try a different approach?”

“Oh yeah? And what that might be?”

He had no idea. “Um… well… right now you’re just waiting for people to come, right? I got directed here when I first came, but there wasn’t much pulling me here, and most of my friends don’t know we have a library. Maybe you guys can try doing something to encourage people to come other than having lots of books?”

Sabrina looked at him in shock. His face flushed. “Sorry! I didn’t mean for that to come out like that, I just -”

“Chris, you’re a genius! I’ve had some ideas about things the library could do to promote our books, but you’re right. I was the one saying this is a community center, not a book warehouse. Oh, this is so exciting!” She quickly replaced the books she was scanning. “I need to talk to Ellie right now. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Uhh, okay?” He’d never seen Sabrina run - it was a funny sight, considering the short heels she was wearing. But she looked even more excited than she had when he’d come in for the first time.

\--

Chris’ shoulders sagged in the line for lunch. Social studies had been so slow and so exhausting, and now he was surrounded by the screaming, running, and cliches of the cafeteria. He sidestepped one basketball player aggressively reaching past him for a Gatorade and patiently told the lunch lady what he wanted on his sandwich - “yes, extra chipotle mayo please!” - and absconded, hoping to make it out with his lunch intact.

The way he sat at his lunch table must have not been subtle.

“Damn, Chris, you good?” Maegan grinned.

“Field day’s coming up. Makes all the athletes go _nuts_ ,” Kyle explained.

“Oh yeah? How would you know? Only sport you play is chess.” 

“Why is Maegan here again, Chris?”

Chris squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Because -”

“I’m not leaving until I find out what he and Daniel are up to.”

“Not because you enjoy my company, right, Maegan?” Chris asked.

“Not at all,” she laughed.

Kyle’s eyes swiveled between them while he devoured a slice of greasy cafeteria pizza. “You guys are weird.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Chris’ Daniel-sense twinged. There he was, editing the lunch line clutching a sandwich and a Chock-O-Crisp.

“Daniel! Over here?”

Daniel searched the room until he saw the source of the yell. He looked at Kyle and Maegan, then started walking away.

The way Chris flinched wasn’t lost on either of his dining partners.

“Ouch,” Kyle said.

“Bro, it’s been weeks and he hasn’t wanted to sit here once,” Maegan said, mouth full. “I can find my info another way - it’s cool if you want me and doofus here to leave you alone with your best friend again.”

“Hey! She’s right, though.”

“No!” Chris looked down at his own food, untouched. “I’ve really liked hanging out with you guys. Daniel can do whatever he wants - I see him after school anyways.”

“Aww. Here, want a bite?” Chris nodded and took a bite of Maegan’s lunch. “Good, right?”

“You’re crazy, Chris. That looks like slop. I’ll stick to my pizza, thanks.”

“I wasn’t offering any to you, greaseball! I’ll remember what you said about _arroz caldo_. You’re gonna regret this day.”

“Whatever you say, Voldemort,” Kyle said. Chris and Maegan only laughed in response.

\---

**Danny**

Hey

Secret hideout 5? Something to ask you

sure 

Chris threw on his densest hoodie - February in Beaver Creek is when the devastating cold snuck up on you and gave you a 104 degree flu without you realizing it. He tucked his phone into his pocket and snuck through the hallway and out the back door. He saw a glow stream out of the entrance to the treehouse - Chris had said meet in 5 minutes, but in reality neither of them was very good at waiting.

Daniel was idly playing some game when Chris climbed in. “Hey, dude!”

“Hey, Danny! I haven’t seen you since English! How was your day?”

“It was fine, I guess. Math is going good, and grandpa made steaks for dinner. Sean says hi - he’s doing really good in college, he really likes his film studies class. How was yours?”

“It was good! You probably had a better dinner than me and dad,” he laughed. “Our house smells like burnt alfredo sauce.”

Daniel giggled. “You wanna continue the story?”

“Always.” Chris sat up and made his face glow with his phone. He tried to give his voice a mystic feel. “Cassian the Wolf-Tamer and the paladin Simon Lionheart approach the gloomy castle, cradled in dark thunderclouds. Now’s your last chance to talk and prepare before… the final battle.”

“I turn to Simon,” Daniel said as himself, before switching to a heroic tone. “Well old friend, it seems our adventure is almost at its’ end! After this we will be showered in gold, mead, and wenches for as long as we live.”

“Ha… wenches, right…” Chris realized he wasn’t doing the role play voice and dropped his voice as low as it could go. “I mean, that’s only if we manage to slay Theseus the Conqueror. This will be the battle of our lives.”

“I know I used to hate your guts, but now… there’s no one I’d rather do it with.” Chris and Daniel did a manly clasping of hands. “To battle!”

Chris had no intention of making the fight easy for either of them - otherwise it all came off pretty juvenile. Daniel seemed ready for the challenge, though, throwing out creative ideas for how to fight and use their characters in tandem to be stronger than they would be alone.

“I use a wolf to distract him so that Cassian can cast zeal on the party!”

“Nice! Cassian casts zeal immediately, allowing you to strike Theseus while his back is turned.”

“I go for a killing blow with my longsword and slash him in the back!” Daniel swung his hands to mimic the sword strike.

“Theseus the Conqueror staggers back, panting. ‘You may be powerful warriors… but you are still just fools.’ He shoots a lightning bolt right at Simon’s heart -”

Daniel jumped up. “I push Simon out of the way and take it myself!”

“But - Danny, your health -”

“Stay in character!”

Chris sighed. “Cassian the Wolf-Tamer buckles under the force of the electric blast. Both he and Theseus fall to their knees and collapse, leaving Simon alone in the ruined throne room, with a vaultload of treasure.”

“We did it! We did it!” Daniel leapt around, but Chris was not in the mood.

“What the heck, Danny? I could have survived that thunderbolt and you knew it.”

“I wanted to protect you. So what?”

“So I wanted us both to survive! Your character is true neutral, he wouldn’t even do that.”

“I thought you’d get it,” Daniel yelled.

The tone startled Chris. “Well, I - I guess I didn’t. Sorry about that.”

“... It’s okay. Can we finish the story?”

“Can I have a second? I didn’t think this was how it’d end.”

“Sure.”

They sat in silence a moment, tension preventing either one from fidgeting.

“Danny… I miss you, you know that?”

“I’m right here!”

“I know.” Daniel didn’t seem to know what to say. “I wish -”

“I’m not eating lunch with your weird-ass friends, okay? We’ve had this conversation a million times. I like things the way they are.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” he said firmly.

“Okay then. All I want is for you to be happy,” Chris said, sighing. “Simon looks around at the throne room, a battlefield turned to ruin…”

\---

To celebrate the advent of 7th grade, Chris was doing something that probably seemed normal to most people, but felt unimaginable to him. Chris, Maegan, and Kyle were going to _Portland_ for the day, courtesy of Kyle’s mom as a chaperone.

“I’ll be nearby shopping - you kids call if you need anything!” Kyle’s mom, bubbly as always, sped off, definitely breaking some traffic laws.

Maegan yawned and stretched her arms. “Can you guys believe I had swim practice again this morning? The season is still so far away.”

Kyle gaped. “Dude - we’re in Portland right now and all you can talk about is swimming? Look around! We’re in the biggest city for like a thousand miles! Let’s explore, or something!”

“Heh, Kyle’s right. We should do some sightseeing! I was a kid the last time I was here. What are you guys in the mood for?”

“If Portland gets you this excited, I can’t wait to see you react to the class trip to the Grand Canyon.” Maegan adjusted her glasses, peering at her phone. “Let’s get coffee! Portland’s got hipsters, and hipsters love coffee, don’t they?”

“Blech! Coffee’s gross,” Kyle retorted. “Have you even had it?”

“How do you think I get up for swim every day?”

Chris laughed. “We’re 12. I’m pretty sure that’s gonna ruin your brain or something.”

“Like hanging with you two doesn’t?”

They laughed. “Fair point,” Chris said.

“Maegan… they got hot chocolate at your coffee place?” Kyle’s sweet tooth was showing.

“Of course they do. Let’s go.”

Chris smiled. Being normal was actually pretty cool.

\---

The three kids huddled under the canopy in front of a closed store, shivering in the rain.

Maegan scoffed through gritted teeth. “Kyle, when you suggested a day, you didn’t think to check the _weather_?”

“Ha! Nope.” Kyle’s smile was infectious - Chris let out a laugh despite his soaked socks. “I’m having fun.”

Maegan sighed. “I’m having fun too, despite the circumstances.”

“It’s so weird,” Chris said. “Beaver Creek feels so small compared to here. Do you think the people here have even heard of it?”

“I don’t know,” Maegan said.

Even in the downpour, people of all shapes and sizes strolled past, wearing flannels, ripped jeans, suits, hiking boots… everyone had their own style, their own lives. Chris wondered if they knew anyone with superpowers, or whether their moms were alive, and whether they had fallen in love.

“You know,” Kyle said. “We could always just ask.”

Chris balked. “Ha ha, very funny.”

“No, really.” Kyle waved at a woman walking by. “Excuse me, have you heard of -” he trailed off as the woman gave him a confused look and kept walking.

Maegan cackled. “Nice going. Let me show you how it’s done.”

She took off her glasses and twirled her hair, even though it was only shoulder length. After briefly scanning the area, Maegan approached her target, an older man in a button-down and jeans.

“Excuse me sir… my friends and I were wondering if we could ask you a question.”

The man stopped and appraised her a moment. “Not looking to spend any money. Bye.” And just like that, he was on his way.

“OH - MY - GOD.” Kyle rolled around on the floor, losing his mind while Maegan trudged back into the cover, pride damaged and hair wet.

She polished her glasses with her shirt and put them back on. “City people really are different from us, huh, Chris?”

He had his head in his hands. “Can we go? Before someone calls the cops on us?”

“Why? Clearly no one cares about three random kids,” Kyle chuckled, wiping tears from his eyes.

“You guys took us from normal kids to street hooligans awfully quickly. Let’s go find where Kyle’s mom is picking us up.”

Maegan looked hurt. “I don’t even get to try again?”

Chris took each of them by the arm and started stomping off. He rolled his eyes at their laughter, but couldn’t keep back his own smile.

\---

It was so odd. A few years ago Chris came to the library because he had nothing to do and nowhere to go, but now he struggled to find a chance in his week. Stepping into the comforting gray lobby and breathing in the smell of paper, he was reminded why he made the effort.

“Hey, Sabrina.”

She whirled around in glee and wrapped him in a hug. “Chris! Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s 7th grade?!”

“It’s good... It’s actually really good. But I didn’t come to talk about me - how are things here? Last time we spoke, you were really excited.”

Her smile became hesitant. “Yeah… I was. I’ve been doing my best to start some community events, but the deal my boss and I made was that whatever I did wouldn’t interfere with my duties here.” She gestured to the books she was cataloguing. “I don’t know if I can keep up with both, and the lack of interest has been really disheartening.”

“That sounds really hard.” It felt wrong, seeing Sabrina defeated by something. She was always so energetic for Chris - how hard did she work to make people happy like that? “It’s not fair.”

“What isn’t?” she frowned.

“You shouldn’t have to choose between two things that both feel like they’re a part of you. I’ve been there and it really, really sucks.”

“Oh... what do you do about it?”

“Do both. Make it work, no matter what.”

\---

The shuffling of papers and playing of illegally uploaded music wasn’t enough to soothe Chris’s frayed nerves.

“Last year seemed so hard at the time, but looking back at it things were so easy compared to this.”

Daniel laughed. “I get that. Not for me, though!”

“Really?” Chris looked over his social studies essay - it was surprisingly good, taking multiple historical perspectives and overlapping them to find an interesting point of contrast. “Wow! This is incredible.”

“I know, right? Thanks.” Daniel grinned at him, face red.

“I- Danny, no offense, but -”

“When did I get good at school? Lunch, dude.”

 _What?_ It occurred to Chris that he never actually found out where Daniel went at lunch anymore. It was freaky, learning something new about his friend. It made his stomach feel weird - but not necessarily bad.

“N-nice job. I’m proud of you, Super Wolf.” The eye contact was too intense to maintain - Daniel seemed grateful, which was enough for Chris. “So, you wanna be buddies for the class trip?”

He laughed. “We’re already buddies, Chris.”

“No! I mean like, partners. You have to choose someone so you can keep track of each other and stay safe.”

“Ohhh. I forgot about that.” Daniel smiled and floated a pencil into his hand, spinning it like a compass needle. “I guess I’d be the best at keeping you safe.”

“That’s not - I mean, of course, you would,” Chris stammered, blushing. “I wanna go because I wanna hang out with you.”

Daniel put the pencil away. “I know, dude. I just think it’s funny you needed to ask.”

“Really? Cool.” The treehouse felt pretty warm for early March.

\---

“Guys-” Chris’s lunchtime speech was interrupted by a milk carton sailing and splattering milk on his sandwich.

Kyle and Maegan both recoiled.

“Jesus!”

“What the fuck?”

Chris rolled his eyes and turned around. “Hi, Mac. I thought you were done hassling me after last year?”

Mac laughed. “Hell no! I just thought Kyle was more fun to make fun of. Siding with a nerd instead of him was pretty fucking funny.”

“Ouch,” Kyle muttered.

“You mean you weren’t doing a ‘good guy and bad guy team up against the new threat’ kind of thing?”

Mac blinked twice. “W-what? This is why you’re a loser. Have fun blowing your boyfriend on the class trip, loser. Oh, and drink the milk I gave you. I’m sure Diaz isn’t into skinny bitches.”

Maegan yelled after him as he walked away. “Take your own advice, you twiggy douche!”

“Jesus, Maegan,” Kyle laughed. “Guess he doesn’t want to be my buddy for the class trip.”

“Oh!” Chris remembered what he was doing before he was interrupted. “You guys have to be buddies. I’ve got a whole plan. Us and Daniel will have an excuse to hang out! It’ll be good, I promise.”

Maegan gave an exaggerated shrug. “Only for you, Christopher. I guess Kyle is a little better than Mac.”

“Hey! What’s with M names and being mean to me?”

\---

Maegan looked out the window of their bus at the arid Arizona desert. “I cannot believe they took a class of 40 seventh graders here. Rich people bullshit.”

Daniel laughed, surprising the rest of them. “Right? This is so weird. There was never anything like this in Seattle.”

“I transferred here a year before you,” Maegan explained. “So I get you. It’s so different, right? Nothing like Texas.”

“Oh, you’re from Texas?! My brother moved there!”

Daniel and Maegan went on chatting, settling into a comfortable back-and-forth, while Kyle and Chris behind them looked at them with wide eyes.

“Dude…” Kyle whispered. “I’ve never seen Daniel even smile. And Maegan’s - y’know - Maegan. What the hell is going on?”

“I have no idea,” Chris whispered back. “I love it but I’m also terrified.”

The conversation between the foursome continued until they reached the hotel, where they split up to their respective assignments. The room was tiny, but the view of the desert was hauntingly beautiful. Chris wanted to learn landscapes just to draw it and fill it with history - wars fought to the death, gold discovered in mines, people falling in love while travelling.

It distracted him from the sleeping situation. Chris had to wait until Daniel was out of the shower to bring it up.

“I didn’t realize there’d only be one bed when I asked you to be buddies. Sorry about that.”

Daniel flopped onto the bed - it looked comfy. “Dude, it’s no big deal. We’ve shared before.”

Chris blushed. What was so different? They’d done it plenty of times in fourth and fifth grade. Though after they got phones, they’d started sneaking back to their respective houses at the end of the night. After all, the phones let them talk after they left. This was just something they hadn’t done in a while, right? Right.

They messed around with the TV and checked their phones, but the flight left them exhausted and soon they were both tucked in with the lights off. Chris breathed in deep, trying to relax.

Daniel’s voice came out from somewhere next to him. “You up?”

Chris giggled. “Of course.”

“It feels weird. Going back to Arizona. Last time I was here was… different.”

“Oh! I forgot. I mean… you seemed pretty normal talking to Maegan,”

“I did?” Daniel paused. “I don’t know if I was normal, or pretending to be normal. It still feels like so much of this isn’t real.”

“I kinda understand. Not completely, but I told you how you felt… out of a dream, right? Like you weren’t real.”

Daniel laughed. “That’s funny. You’re the only one who _does_ feel real. That’s um… that’s why you’re special to me. And why I don’t really want to be friends with that many other people.”

 _Oh._ That was conflicting. “I love you, Danny. But I don’t want to be the only one you’re friends with.”

“Y-you don’t?”

“I love being your best friend and I’m always here for you. B-but it’s not fair to either of us. Every day last year I was so worried that I was being a terrible person for eating with other people.”

“Shit. Really? I’m so sorry, Chris. I’m the bad friend. I just - I don’t know how to be normal all the time. But that’s not your fault. I had no idea that’s what you thought.”

“I… yeah. I know you’re going through stuff I could never imagine, and I’m here for you with that. I just want you to have more people to support you and stuff.”

“I get that.” Daniel breathed deep. “Thanks, Chris. I love you, dude.”

“I love you too.”

\---

The Grand Canyon was unlike anything Chris had ever seen. The reds and oranges and browns seemed to reflect up into the sky and tinge the blue with something else, and made the entire thing look like a green screen, or an oil painting, like his brain couldn’t comprehend that what he was seeing was real.

“Alright kids, we’re gonna be walking the trails a bit. The chaperones will be keeping track of everyone, so please stay in groups of at least 4 people, stay with your buddies, and don’t go too far. We’ll meet back here in 45 minutes, okay?”

A chorus of dispassionate “yes ma’am”s met her words, and soon Chris, Daniel, Kyle, and Maegan were out of sight of anyone else, descending into the hole in the earth.

It was Chris who broke the silence. “Did you know Daniel’s been here before?”

“Damn,” said Kyle.

“Well, not _here_ but nearby, yeah.”

“Did you go with family?” Maegan asked.

“Something like that. I met my mom here,” he explained. Chris fought a laugh - Daniel meant literally.

“Hey, that’s cool, man,” Kyle responded to his right, closer to the wall of the canyon they walked along. “Me and my mom are really close, too. It would be awesome to be here with her. I hope the trip was fun.”

“Yeah,” Daniel smiled. “It was.”

The conversation was shallow but easy as they went further down, their feet knocking pebbles hundreds of feet down as they walked. Chris glugged plenty of water - he did _not_ want to pass out here.

“I can’t believe they let us go down here on our own,” Chris said. “What if someone tripped and fell?”

“The chaperones were supposed to watch us, but I don’t think Alanna’s mom cares that much,” Maegan laughed.

“Lucky.. Us…” Kyle groaned.

Daniel looked at him funny. “Are you scared of heights?”

Kyle’s eyes widened. “No!”

“Holy shit,” Maegan laughed. “You are! Why did you let us go down? We could have stayed further up, idiot!”

“I didn’t want to ruin the… fun. Or for you guys to make fun of me.”

Daniel smiled. “No one’s making fun of you, okay? I’ve already been here, and we’ve seen a lot. I think we’re good to turn back.”

Now that Chris looked, Kyle looked a little sick. He managed to muster a smile anyway. “Thanks, guys.” He turned around and started walking, only to bump into Mac Kelley.

Maegan sighed. “Are you fucking kidding me? Get out of here, dude. We’re having fun.”

Mac scoffed. “If you say so, loser brigade. Doesn’t look like Kyle’s having fun, though.” Kyle kept his eyes glued to his feet, not making eye contact or looking at the canyon below.

“Leave him alone, Mac,” Chris said, stepping forward into Mac and Kyle’s space.

“Or what? You guys are gonna punch each other again? Do it - it’ll be fun.”

It happened in a flash - Mac shoved Kyle, who stumbled back into Chris, who stumbled back into empty air. Chris had no time to process the sensation of free falling before a force beneath him shoved him into the wall of the canyon, below the feet of his friends.

“Holy fuck,” Mac breathed, and sprinted back up the canyon path.

“Shit!” Maegan screamed.

“Chris!? You okay, Captain Spirit?” Daniel knelt and looked down at him - Chris tried to blink away the shock and take stock of his situation.

He was precariously attached to the side of the cliff - there was the slightest ledge his feet were resting on, but the strip of rock was so thin only his toes fit, so he had to cling tightly to the face of the cliff to stop from falling.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Kyle was working himself up into a lather, dizzy trying to look down into the canyon and at Chris.

Maegan looked alarmed as well, looking up at the path where Mac had run and around for anything that might help.

It was Daniel that was Chris’s lifeline, giving him a confident look. He had a question in his eyes. “Should I… or do you want to try -” he looked at Chris’s panicking friends.

Chris’s mind raced. Daniel’s secret was _serious_ \- Sean and Claire had both made him promise to not tell anyone else under any circumstances, and Chris did not want to force him to reveal anything or lie to everyone. Suddenly, a conversation he’d had earlier in the year popped back into his head.

“Do both.” Daniel’s head cocked, questioning. “Trust me, Danny. Grab my hand?”

Daniel laid down on the ground and reached out. His grip was firm but did little but stabilize Chris. Small rocks scrabbled out around them, falling and breaking on the canyon floor far below.

“Kyle! Maegan! Grab Daniel’s shoulders!” The authority in his voice roused both of his friends, and they quickly jerked to attention, doing as they were told. “The ground beneath you guys is unstable - you have to pull all at once.”

Maegan looked at the slanted floor they stood on. “You sure about this, Chris?”

“Yes! On three. Ready, Danny?” Daniel nodded, pretending to offer his other hand to Chris. “One, two, three!”

Chris jumped as hard as he could, crumbling the stone beneath his feet. His shoulder jerked up from his friends’ tug, and Daniel’s powers launched him up from behind. The combined forces caused him to tumble into Kyle and Maegan and they fell in a heap against the canyon wall opposite the cliff.

They breathed hard for a second, in collective shock.

Kyle giggled. “Who’s skinny now, Mac?”

Maegan hit him. “Chris almost _died_ and you’re laughing?” But it was too late. Daniel and Chris were laughing now too, and Maegan had no choice but to laugh too. 

They got to their feet, covered in red dust and scratches.

“You guys mind if we get out of here?” Chris asked, casually.

“Sounds like a plan,” Kyle said. Then he threw up over the edge of the canyon.

“Ooooof course,” groaned Maegan. “What else would I expect from a class trip with you guys?”

Daniel looked at her in horror. "You mean it's always like this with you guys?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you reach a fork in the road, take both paths.


	6. 8th Grade

Clothes shopping for the new school year. His dad was in another aisle, looking at jeans. Chris was going to join him, passing through the men’s underwear section, when something caught his attention. It was weird, like his brain was going one direction and his body another. _Hmm. That’s strange._ He shrugged it off and kept walking.

\---

He was outside the sandwich shop, waiting to pick up he and his dad’s orders when suddenly a figure entered his personal space. Mac Kelley, breathing heavy and shoving him up against a wall with his elbow, knee in his crotch.

“You fucker! I’ve had to spend the summer at school because of your snitch ass.”

“Dude,” he choked out. “I almost died. Get a grip!” For some reason, Chris found it hard to breathe, and not because of the arm against his neck. He shoved Mac off of him and he stalked away, fended off.

Chris was breathless. But even as he panted, he found himself feeling wrong. Not entirely angry - something else. _Hmm. That’s strange._

\---

The air was lukewarm, August heat giving way to the chill of autumn. Golden rays lit up the green mountains, and pine needles, leaves, and acorns mingled on the ground. Despite the relentless chirping of birds and rustling of trees, everything was impossibly quiet. Chris’ ears rang with the lack of life, his father and best friend the only other humans for miles.

“Ready to set up, guys?” His dad wore a hat and a flannel, looking very much like a dad in a lumberjack cosplay. Chris struggled not to giggle at him - he didn’t want to ruin the fun he was clearly having.

“Yeah!”

Digging the posts for the tent was harder than expected, and had to be done twice to get rocks out from under the tent floor. However, once the tents were down and the blankets were placed, the canvas was as comfy a home than any.

Daniel flopped down next to him while his dad set up his own tent.

“Whoa! This is comfortable, Chris!”

“Ha! Right? All I wanna do is lay here.”

Daniel looked over at him and smiled. “I have no complaints.”

Chris stared straight up. He wasn’t ever the best with words, but these days he found himself wordless more and more. It was odd.

“Camping out here like this… reminds me of running away with my brother. Dude, I kind of miss it. How messed up is that?”

Chris thought a moment. “No. No way that’s messed up. That was the last time you spent a ton of time with Sean, wasn’t it? It makes sense why you’d miss it, if you miss him.”

“I…” Daniel swallowed. “I do. A lot. It’s - fuck. This is so fucked up.”

Chris rubbed his shoulder. “I’m here, Danny.”

“... Alright, well, it’s like… you’d expect dad dying to be the worst, right? Like that was supposed to be the lowest moment, and after that it would slowly get better. But it wasn’t. Even though I missed my dad, I was more confused, than upset. All the emotions were just a jumbled mess, so I ignored them and just had fun with my brother. It honestly wasn’t until he turned himself in and I saw our house empty for the first time that everything… shit.”

Daniel grabbed Chris’ hand on his shoulder and held it tight. Chris squeezed back and waited for his friend to continue.

“I’ve been waiting for it to get better for a while, and it has, in a lot of ways. Life isn’t bad at all. But it gets worse in a lot of ways too. And that sucks so bad, because everyone expects you to feel bad at a certain time and then just get better after that, but it’s not that way at all and no one gets it.”

“That sounds so lonely.”

“Sometimes. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Best friends.”

“Yeah. Best friends!” Chris sat up, oddly energized, but he was tackled to the ground in a move that was half-hug, half-pro wrestling move. It made him laugh, when he caught his breath.

The laughter between them stopped like a candle going out. Daniel was on top of Chris and he was incredibly aware of the contact of their bodies, noses inches from each other. The moment seemed to last for ages, until finally Chris pushed Daniel off and escaped the humid tent.

“What are we doing first, Dad?”

\---

Watching Dad and Daniel laugh together was dizzying. Once upon a time, this would have seemed like an impossible dream; another fantasy Chris would have used to escape. But he was 13, and so much had changed, and reality was pretty cool, actually. 

“Hey, kid! You wanna try?” His dad offered him the fishing pole.

“S-sure.” That hook scared him. “What do I… do with it?”

His dad chuckled. “Well, we’re gonna take the bait from this box and put it firmly on the hook - watch your fingers.” Chris did it gingerly, cringing at the slime it left behind on his hands. “Okay, now press that button so the line can unravel. And then you’re gonna wind back, and swing the rod so the hook travels as far as it can towards the center of the lake. Ready?”

Daniel gave him a thumbs up. “You got this, Captain!”

Chris nodded. He wound his shoulder back, and got ready to thrust the rod forward as hard as he could. But then his mind started buzzing - _what if I do it wrong - what if I get the hook caught on myself - what if_ \- and he completely fumbled the thrust.

The line, hook on the end, came flying towards him. Chris cringed back, ready to be impaled, but the feeling never came. Instead, the hook was out of sight, already underwater by the time his eyes caught up to it. All he could see now was the bobber at the top.

“Not how I would have done it… but still, great job, son! Don’t let go of that rod, okay? Let me grab you a chair.” His father walked back for a moment.

Daniel gave him a wink - _oh._ _Daniel bailing me out with his powers - who’s surprised?_

Chris tried to wink back, but was too busy blushing to make it work and almost dropped the rod. He decided to focus on fishing before he messed up more than Daniel could compensate for.

\---

5 hours and 6.5 fish later (four from Dad, two from Daniel, and the half from when Chris tried to reel his in but it got away), it was dinnertime. A campfire blazed - Chris and Daniel had gathered enough firewood to build a mansion out of. Minecraft habits.

Fish sizzled on the metal pan in front of them. The entire process was mesmerizing - they had caught their own fish, built their own fire, _and_ now were gonna cook and eat it. It was crazy.

Daniel seemed less awed and more content, sitting next to Chris with eyes half-closed. 

“Tired, Danny?”

He yawned and tried to shake himself awake. “I still haven’t had any s’mores. No way I’m going to sleep now. How’s the fish coming along, Mr. Eriksen?”

“Better than I could have hoped! I’m pretty sure I got all the bones out. Don’t they smell great?”

Chris paled. “B-bones?”

“Don’t worry,” Daniel laughed. “Sean was _terrible_ at cooking the fish we caught. This is gonna be much better, I’m sure of it.”

His dad talked while whipping out seasonings and condiments. “Back in college, I spent a ton of time outdoors. Kinesiology major, let me take a bunch of BS classes. I got to study mushrooms!” He laughed, then withdrew and shook his hand, cooling off a burn. “Shoot. Anyway, I did lots of stuff like this in my glory days. ‘S nice to see you boys appreciating it too. You know, the rest of the country isn’t quite as pretty as it is here.”

“Where did you travel, Dad?”

“Oho! Many places. Most of them pretty crappy. Lots of Ohio and Indiana, Michigan, Illinois. California was beautiful, though. I haven’t spent that much time down south, but I know it’s the only place half as great is here.” He took a big gulp of water, wiping sweat off his brow as he plated the fish. “The east coast is great for opportunity, but you won’t catch me dead there. Humans need community, and it’s hard to find that in a city of 5 million.”

He handed each of them a plate of fish. It was shockingly delicious - juicy with a kick of spice.

“This is great, Mr. Eriksen! Thanks.”

“Better than your brother’s?”

“Much better! Don’t tell him I said that, hehe.”

“Ha! I’ll just find a chance to teach him how to do it properly, in that case.”

Daniel let out a adorable smile. “I think he’d like that a lot!”

The conversation died down as the group realized how ravenous they were. They tore through their fish before they knew it. Attention quickly turned to the s’mores, tantalizing with the smell of melted chocolate, and they exited the haze of starvation feeling full and exhausted.

“How ya doin’, Chris?” His dad’s voice stirred him from a half-slumber. His body felt stiff, but satisfied.

“Dad… that was really, _really_ good. Thanks.”

His dad smiled and got up with a laborious grunt. “My pleasure, kiddo. Believe it or not, I had a ton of fun too. I’ll put out the fire - you and Daniel ready to get to bed?”

“I am. Danny? … Daniel?”

Turning his head and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Chris realized that he and Daniel had fallen asleep on each other. His friend’s head was still on his shoulder, and Chris had naturally become very still to accommodate.

“That answers that question.” His dad laughed softly. “Got it?”

“Yeah. Good night, Dad! I love you.”

“Love you too, kid.” He disappeared into his tent.

“Danny. Psst, Danny.”

“Mmhh… Chris?” Daniel’s head slowly lifted off of Chris’ shoulder, accompanied by a deep stretch. “Did I…?” The question trailed off as he came to, jumping to his feet. “Shit. Chris, sorry about that…”

“N-no! No, I was the one who… I didn’t mind, y-you’re good.” Chris’ face burned hotter than the embers that lit it up. 

Daniel cocked his head. “Really?” He yawned again.

“Yeah. For sure. L-let’s get to sleep, I’m exhausted.”

Making sure he wasn’t gonna burn down the forest, Chris packed away the last of their stuff and made his way inside the tent, Daniel following soon after.

With the two of them so close in the tent, the air felt hot and humid. _This feels nothing like a sleepover._ Trying to play it as cool as possible, Chris took off his shorts in the corner, leaving him in just his boxers and his light t-shirt. He folded his pants and turned around to find Daniel shirtless, in just briefs.

Chris looked away as fast as he could, but the image was still burned into his mind. Not in a bad way - Daniel looked _good._ Really good. _I’m fucking this up. Oh my god._

“R-ready to sleep?” Try as he might, Chris couldn’t keep the embarrassment out of his voice.

“Yeah dude! Good night.”

“Night.” They lay down, inches apart. Chris stared straight up at the canvas ceiling of the tent, blood rushing in his ears. Daniel was completely still and quiet next to him - asleep, he supposed.

He tried to do the same, but something was tugging at him. _Hmm, that’s strange._ Something about the feeling in his stomach in the underwear aisle… and when Mac Kelley pressed up against him, and the sight of Daniel almost naked -

_Holy fuck. Oh my god. Shit. I’m gay._

\---

Chris examined himself in the bathroom mirror.

Floppy blonde hair. Check.

Awkward proportions: too tall to be a kid, too short and skinny to be an adult. Check.

 _Oh, no._ Braces. Check.

He wore a plain white shirt with blue sleeves, and black shorts. And he was… gay? What did that even _mean?_ Chris was 90% confident he wasn’t dressing gay. He’d seen gay people on the internet, and they said funny things and were weirdly confident and kind of annoying. Chris was one of those things, but the rest… it was so weird, it was like something was inside of him that was always there but had never been labelled or put into the light. Gay. 

He looked into his own eyes in the mirror, examining for something… homosexual. Chris looked the same as he always looked. No sign of being gay, at least on the outside. On the inside… well, some memories were a little too embarrassing to go into. It was kind of weird, and scary, to think he could have so much inside him and that no one knew.

Daniel couldn’t tell. Or at least when he did, he didn’t say anything. Earlier in the treehouse, Chris had gotten too curious and asked:

“Do I seem different to you?”

Daniel had looked up from his phone. “Yeah, now that I look at you. You look… more willing to do my Pre-Algebra homework.”

“Wha? Y-you… no way, you idiot.”

So, Daniel probably couldn’t tell. And if Daniel couldn’t tell, no one would be able to, so he didn’t have to… everything could stay the same. 8th grade was his last chance to enjoy middle school. After he finished this year, he would start at Beaver Creek High, which encompassed a much larger area than BCMS. His graduating class would go from 40 to 400, which was terrifying. Instead of thinking about that, he’d just have fun with Danny and Maegan and Kyle like he deserved. Life was good right now - it shouldn’t have to be ruined by things like high school or being gay.

\---

Kyle banged his hand on the table like a hammer. “The gang’s back together!”

“Gang..?” Maegan took a measured look at the table - Daniel, Chris, Kyle, and herself. “This is barely a posse.”

“Not with that attitude!”

Chris leaned over to Daniel. “Sure you want to eat lunch with my weirdo friends?”

“Nothing better to do,” he shrugged. “This is more entertaining than history, anyway.”

Kyle’s attention turned to them. “So, what did _you two_ do this summer?”

Chris shrugged, but Daniel piped up. “We went camping with Chris’s dad! It was pretty epic. Caught our own fish and everything.”

“Dude! Epic indeed.”

Chris watched, impressed as his best friend continued chatting, like he hadn’t spent the last three years as an outcast. “How did you two spend your summers?”

Kyle grinned. “Preparing for Model UN. I’m bringing it to our conference this year! Last time in this division, and I’m not gonna waste my chance.”

“Swimming. Lots of swimming,” Maegan gagged. “Better than Model UN, though.”

“That’s cool,” Daniel said. “You guys prepare for your clubs and stuff over the summer?”

Kyle nodded. “Most groups accept you at the start of the year, here. Over the next few weeks. You should join something!”

Chris laughed. “Only extracurriculars me and Danny do is crafting and mining. Right?”

“Uhhh,” Daniel said, scratching his neck. “I was actually thinking of trying out for soccer this year.

 _What?!_ “Oh! C-cool. That’s awesome, dude. You’ll do great.” _What?!?!?_

Maegan perked up, oblivious to the tension. “I can help you out with athletics tryouts! Here, let me text you a link.”

They traded information, and the bell rang. Daniel caught up with Chris as he cleared his lunch tray.

“Uh, s-sorry if the soccer thing caught you off-guard. I know I never mentioned it, but this is what you wanted, right? Sitting with your friends, doing new stuff… this feels good! Thanks for the support.”

Chris felt… weird. “Yeah, it feels good to see, too.” He flashed a big, fake, smile. “Can’t wait to cheer you on at your games, Super Wolf.”

\---

Tryouts meant that there was no one left to walk with at the end of the day, so Chris trudged out of 8th period alone. Chris was not one to spurn solitude, but to have it be forced upon him felt… weird. Wrong. His chest felt tight as he walked. His backpack was even lighter than usual, and he wasn’t wearing any tight clothing, but still he found it harder and harder to breathe as he tried desperately to ignore the panic of loneliness as it crawled on his back. 

Before he’d fully registered the choice he’d made, Chris found himself in front of the library. The sight of that ugly, beautiful gray building and the smell inside were already soothing, but nothing helped him breathe more than the squeal Sabrina let out when she saw him.

“Chris!! How’s it going, bud?” 

“I’m good. Wanted to check in here before school got too busy!” The lie slipped out of teeth so easily - the panic of isolation flickered out of sight, just waiting to be named to come back, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

“I’m so glad you did! I wanted to update you on the community events. We’re actually doing some kids’ books readings - well, I’m doing them. The elementary school is gonna advertise them at their assembly, so hopefully we’ll get a couple youngsters in here to listen to some stories. Isn’t that exciting?”

“Oh wow!” Chris gave her a big high five. “I knew you could do it. You’re awesome.” 

“I couldn’t do it alone. Speaking of… I was actually wondering if you could give me some help.”

“More advice?”

“Not quite. I know you like to draw, and you know better than anyone this place is kind of dreary, so I was wondering if you’d maybe be willing to draw some decorations for the kids to look at? It would be contracted work, so I could pay you $50 for enough drawings for the atrium.”

“P-pay me? For my art? I don’t know…”

She squeezed his shoulder. “Hey, no pressure! Just thought it might be something you’d be interested in. I know school is a lot.”

“No, I just mean… What if I screw up? That’s a lot of money, and it’s your job, and…”

“Chris. Look at me.” Her eyes were inviting, but intense. “You’re a hard worker and a really cool kid. I trust you more than some of my coworkers. Turn down the job if you want, but don’t do it because you don’t believe in yourself, okay?”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do it. It sounds fun!”

“Really? Oh, yay!!”

A voice from a couple aisles over came through. “Shh!!”

“Oh! Hee, sorry about that.”

\---

Steak and salad night at the Eriksens’ house. Charles’s favorite, Chris’s… less favorite.

“Do you just… enjoy it? Being stuffed with red meat.”

His dad chuckled and slapped his belly. “I’m always stuffed with red meat.”

“Oh, gross… I know what you meant, but both interpretations are just… ugh.” Chris took a bite of precious green salad instead.

“So, son, how’re things at school?”

“Busy and not busy. I’m super bored often, but they’re piling a lot of work on us too. ‘High school won’t be this easy’! It’s really stressful. I don’t know why things have to change so much.”

“I hear you. Things are changing now, and you’ll probably realize how good you had it after the fact. But that just means you’re moving onto something else which you’ll realize was good, too.”

Chris stabbed a leaf. “I guess.”

“Hey, kid - not all change is bad! You remember Kyu Won? My friend from AA?”

“Kyu Won like Q-1, I remember. What, are you dating her or something?”

“Well, yeah. I am!”

 _Oh. Hm._ The amount of air in the room seemed to decrease, making Chris need to breathe deeper and deeper to stay alert. He did his best to hide that from his dad, though. “That’s great for you. Should I… expect anything different?”

“Thanks, kiddo. I’m telling you so you can decide what to expect - if you don’t want to see her around, we can do that. I’m not trying to replace your mother, and I don’t expect you to either. But you’re welcome to meet her if you like.”

“How does she feel about me?” Chris hadn’t dated anyone, but he was pretty sure it got a little more complicated with a kid. He felt guilty.

“She loves hearing about you! Which is good, because I talk about you a lot, heh. But again, no pressure.”

“Does she make you happy?”

“Yes, she does! You make me happy too - you know how proud I am of you. But people shouldn’t only rely on one person or thing to make them happy, you know? Kyu Won has been really good for me.”

“Then I’m happy for you. I’ll meet her, if you both want.,” Chris said, tugging at his collar. Even his dad had more going on than him. Oof.

\---

**Danny**

hey :)

meet in 5?

Sorry busy

doing what :0

Jk

See you in a sec

The sight of the midnight silver grass was perfect for Chris’s shot nerves. It seemed like his routine was just repeatedly denying all the change going on, but these moments outside of mundane life were special.

Daniel was waiting for him inside the treehouse with a wry smile, levitating some pebbles in an orbit.

“Hey there, Captain Spirit!”

“Hey, Danny. How’s it going?”

“It’s good! It’s really good. Soccer is cool, dude - I know! I didn’t expect to like it this much either, but I feel like I’m meant to be on a team, you know? Not just alone, attached to one person.”

Daniel was glowing, and not just because of the moonlight. Chris felt a surge of emotions mixed inside - jealousy, betrayal, genuine happiness, an odd sense of longing. He felt vulnerable.

“I’m really proud of you, Danny. I’m happy you’re happy.” Daniel wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Thanks. What’s been going on with you? I’m sorry I sorta disappeared.”

“Oh, not much, I guess. Maegan and Kyle are doing their swimming and Model UN stuff. Um, my dad’s dating someone, which is weird, but good, I guess.”

“Really? Do you like her?”

“I haven’t met her! My dad’s being really cool about it, but I guess I don’t mind that much if she hangs around the house. She seems to make him happy, and stuff.”

“That _is_ weird. But that’s cool that you’re, like, being cool about it.”

“Ha. Yeah, I guess.”

“But what’s going on with _you?_ I asked and you just talked about everyone else.”

“Oh. I guess… I don’t really have that much going on. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Dude! I can’t tell if you’re lying to be humble or whatever or if you’re just that focused on your friends your own life is really boring.”

“D-Danny…”

Daniel pivoted to look him right in the eyes. Chris thanked God it was dark, so the fire in his cheeks wasn’t visible.

“Come on, Chris. You’re one of the coolest people I know. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say… you’re the main character, not me.”

Daniel blinked twice. Did he not know this?

“Dude. Chris. Forget about the powers, and the dead dad and stuff. You are really, really awesome. I’m sorry if you’ve felt like you’ve had to take care of me at school, but you are a cool and interesting guy. You should do what makes you happy!”

 _Like you?_ Chris sighed. “Okay. For you, at least.”

Daniel’s grin was worth the concession. “Awesome! Now, let’s try again. What’s up?”

“Um, you know the library I like to go to in town? They’re gonna pay me if I draw some decorations there for the kids.”

“And you didn’t mention this?! That’s epic! That’s totally something. Have you gotten started?”

“N-not yet. It makes me super nervous to think about. There’s money involved, and people are relying on me… what if I mess up, Danny? This matters too much.”

“That’s exactly why you won’t mess up. You’ve got this, Captain. Can I help you brainstorm some ideas?”

Leave it to Danny to turn the mood on a dime. Chris smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds cool.”

\---

“Here are the posters - these are horizontal hangings that are meant for walls and to fill open space, and here,” Chris paused, flipping through the stack of papers, “are the smaller drawings, meant to liven up the space. You can put these on bookshelves, in the corner of bulletin boards, wherever.” He handed the array of comic-styled drawings to Sabrina.

“Oh my goodness. Ohhh my goodness.” Sabrina’s hair was styled up in a bun - it looked nice, like she was ready for action.

“I-is everything okay? I’m sorry, did I -”

“Christopher Eriksen. These are INCREDIBLE. Thank you sososososo much.” Sabrina wrapped him in a tight hug - _these hugs can’t be professional, right?_

“Really..? Cool. Cool! It’ll be so weird to see my art on the walls. Hopefully the kids like it!”

“If I like it, the kids are gonna LOVE it. Let’s go put it up!”

Sabrina clearly trusted his eye - she took his advice to the letter about where to place each drawing, complementing the interior and filling empty space to add energy and life to the room. Each time she finally got a hanging just right, she’d step off her ladder and walk back to look at their work, and squeal and clap when she deemed it perfect.

“Chris, look at what you’ve done here! This is more I could have asked for.”

“Uh… thanks for taking a risk on an unknown artist?” He shrugged, laughing awkwardly. “I appreciate the chance to contribute, really.” 

Sabrina counted out bills and handed them to him - $100. “Here. It’s the least I can offer for everything you did.”

“A-are you sure?” Chris’s eyes bulged at the money - about twice what he got on his birthdays and Christmas.

“Yes,” Sabrina said, nodding fiercely. “You gave us more than double what I expected - it’s only fair.”

Chris fought the urge to hand the money back or rip it up, instead gingerly placing it in his pocket - he didn’t even have a wallet. “Thanks, Sabrina.”

“You know, you’ve really changed! The look in your eyes is so different from the first time you came in.”

“Really? Huh.” The thought was hard to swallow.

“Change is a good thing. I promise!” She squeezed his shoulder.

“Maybe you’re right.” Chris squeezed her hand back.

\---

Kyle shoveled fries into his mouth at the speed of light, making Chris giggle and Maegan gag.

“Kyle, you are going to choke, or worse, get us kicked out of the diner.”

The reply was gargled through salty potato and ketchup: “Ikf I sdye, I sdye.” Kyle continued his monstrous feast.

Chris laughed and turned to Maegan instead. “I can’t believe 8th grade is almost over. It was weird, but I think I’m gonna miss it.”

“Oh, man, me too. Swim took up so much of my time, but it flew by anyway.”

Kyle laboriously swallowed. “What’ve you been up to Chris? You’re always kinda mysterious about how you spend your time. It’s cool, but kinda intimidating.”

Maegan nodded. “He’s right! Sometimes people ask me about it and I never have any idea what to say. You know you’re kind of the resident mystery man, right?”

“W-what…?” Chris’s face was on fire. “Who?”

“People,” she laughed. “And come on, you can tell us! We’re your friends now, for better or for worse.”

Kyle burped in agreement.

“Okay, well… I’ve been working at a local library recently, doing art for them and helping organize events.”

“Deadass?” Kyle’s jaw was dropped. “Like, for money?”

“Yeah, most of the time!”

Maegan seemed similarly stunned, though less comically than Kyle. “Is it a regular job?”

“Uh, right now, they’re calling me a ‘consultant’, which is funny because I don’t even know what that is, ha… but we are talking about making me officially part-time, which would be really cool.”

“Damn, dude!” Kyle clapped him on the back. “That’s fucking sick!”

Maegan laughed. “What else don’t we know about you?”

“Well, I think I’m gay,” Chris blurted out. “Oops.”

Kyle dropped the soda he was holding. “Holy fuck. Oh my god. Shit.”

Chris shrugged. “That’s what I said!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When it feels like you've been fighting your whole life for a shred of happiness, change can feel life-threatening.


	7. Freshman Year

“Well, I think I’m gay,” Chris blurted out. “Oops.”

Kyle dropped the soda he was holding. “Holy fuck. Oh my god. Shit.”

Chris shrugged. “That’s what I said!”

“You’re serious,” Maegan said, examining him. “That’s really cool, Chris. My uncle is gay, but he lives down in San Fran and doesn’t really come up to Oregon that much.”

“Oh,” he replied. “I don’t actually know any older gay people. My friend’s older brother is dating a guy, though, in Austin. Actually, aside from them, I don’t know any gay people at all.”

Kyle got back from throwing out his soda-soaked napkins. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No,” Chris laughed. “No way.”

“Do you have a crush on anyone?”

“Also no.”

Kyle’s curiosity did not seem satiated. “If you married a dude, would you take his name or would he take yours or would you just keep your names?”

“Depends on the guy, I guess?”

“Have you had a crush before?

“No…? I don’t think so.”

“Have you found dudes attractive?”

“That is the definition of being gay, so… yes?”

“Who? Me?”

“I have found everyone except you attractive.”

Maegan nodded in sober agreement. “He’s right. I guess he is gay! Thanks for telling us, Chris. I know we won’t tell anyone. _Right,_ Kyle?”

Kyle was back to shoveling fries in his mouth. “Oh. Oh! Right! Yeah, no chance in hell I’m snitching on my best bud. That’s your news.”

Chris smiled. “Thanks, guys. Really.” He felt… warm. It was nice to share things with other people - it reminded him of when Daniel and Sean first came to Beaver Creek. He felt lighter.

\---

The sun tried to batter them, but the morning air was fresh and still chilly. Chris kept checking his phone, worried they were going the wrong way, but every time Daniel made fun of him.

“Dude! We’ve passed the high school a million times and we’re thirty minutes early. I don’t know what you’re worried about.”

“It’s just…” Chris sighed. “I don’t want to start off on a bad note. This is scary, Danny. Four years of our lives. That’s so much. What if it’s all terrible?”

“Mr. Star Student is scared? Ha. You’ve got me, and your weird friends. And you can always go to the library or whatever if you get tired of it all.”

“That’s true… but you’re talking like you’re not a good student too. I pay attention, you know… Mr. Soccer… man.”

Daniel didn’t laugh at him as hard as he expected. It was a short, dismissive sound. “Whatever you say.”

“Daniel.” His friend turned, alarmed at the usage of his name. “P-promise me we’ll stay best friends? And don’t say it just to make me feel better. Only if you mean it.”

He hesitated a moment. “Chris… I can’t imagine a future where I wouldn’t want to be at your side, okay? You know I have your back.”

“Thanks.” Chris stepped forward, ready to forget his embarrassment, but Daniel stopped him.

“Hey.” In full view of everyone, Daniel took off his backpack and crossed his arms in an X - the Spirit Salute.

Chris had no choice but to do the same, assuming the position with staunch resolve. “Let’s get going. Wouldn’t want to be late on our first day.” He set off ahead, so Daniel wouldn’t notice him blinking away happy tears.

\---

The anxiety Chris felt was so weird - going to school felt like he was dying, but at the end of the day there he was, exhausted but intact. Compared to the summer, it was pretty nice to see people, even if 99% didn’t talk to him. Classes were… okay? He was not failing every class and miserable like his middle school teachers told him he would be. Mostly, he just felt lonely.

The school building was built out of gray stone, and was a massive complex with a parking lot and a sports field. The amount of people that streamed in and out every morning was a little dizzying - there were times he wanted to sit on the bench outside one of the entrances and just watch the multitude of people from around the county arrive. There were people like him that lived less than twenty minutes’ walk away, and there were people who drove twice that just to get to school. It was worlds different from middle school, where it was just people in the neighborhood.

Middle school was hard because people could be mean - Chris had grown up with them, and they remembered when he peed his pants in Kindergarten and his terrible Pikachu costume in 2nd grade. They knew how to be cruel. But the greater cruelty in high school was being ignored. Chris could tell seniors by their ability to stare right through him, like he was a bug. It _felt_ like he was a bug at times, by how much taller they were. But even his fellow freshmen did everything they could to avoid interacting with him. It was like he faded into the background. It certainly wasn’t bullying, but the fact that it was _everybody_ made it somehow worse. Like he was marked. Did they know he was gay, when he ate lunch alone on the bench outside the theater room? Or was it something else about him that repelled 14-18 year olds? He didn’t want to think about it. 

The best parts of his day were the beginning and end. He’d walk to school with Daniel, and while he played soccer after school Chris would track down Maegan or Kyle or Sabrina, whoever was around, and spend some quiet quality time. He’d get home, do his homework, and read, or nap, or eat, and wait for Daniel to text him to hang out.

If he was being honest, the afternoons were probably better than his time with Daniel. Sometime after school started, he’d started being distant, in a really odd way. Usually when someone got tired of you, they’d stop asking to hang and try their hardest to keep you at a distance when you did talk. That wasn’t him at all - with Daniel, it was like the world itself was at a distance. His eyes always had a faraway look, and he stopped bouncing around in the mornings, adopting a generic march instead. It was like a spark had gone out.

Chris hadn’t seen it before - high school changed people, he knew. It was probably that Daniel wasn’t getting enough sleep - God knows his own sleep schedule had taken a beating from Biology and Human Geography. The routine kept Chris alive and passing his classes, so it was good enough for him. Mostly.

\---

**Danny**

Hey, emergency meeting?

Asap

u got it

Daniel flopped into the treehouse 6 minutes later to the sight of his friend pacing back and forth in the tiny room. He gave Chris a small smile.

“What’s up?”

“How did you tell Claire and Stephen about your powers?”

He frowned. “I don’t know. I tried not to tell them. They found out by accident.”

“Okay, but…” Chris rubbed his brow. “Were you scared? To tell them? Like, were you scared they would kick you out or something?”

“I guess. Sean was more scared than I was.”

“I… okay.” He sat down with a deep breath. “You okay? You look tired.”

Daniel rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. I guess that’s it.”

“Hey... I’ve missed you lately, you know.”

“You have?” His voice was high with surprise.

“Yeah, it’s like you’re going through the motions, or something. At least with me. Is there anything I did? Or can do?”

“No, no, no,” Daniel said, shaking his head. “It’s my own stuff. You’re the best best friend, I swear. I’ll be better… about that. And I’m sure your stuff will go really good too.”

“You think so?”

He grinned. “I know so.”

\---

“Hey… dad? Can I talk to you for a sec?”

His dad looked up from his seat on the couch and smiled. “Sure, take a seat.” He paused _60 Seconds_ and looked at him expectantly.

Chris’ stomach tumbled violently. His hands were ice cold and shaking. All of his focus was on sitting down and stopping himself from running away - the words tumbled out of his mouth, low priority compared to the emotions inside him.

“S-so, I’ve, um, been thinking - well, not thinking, it was kind of a realization I had recently, that I’m actually gay.”

Award goes to him for worst coming out of the century.

His dad’s brow furrowed. “Hm.”

Every part of Chris tensed up. “Y-yeah?”

“Thanks for telling me, kiddo. Anything else?”

“I. Um. No?”

“Cool,” said his dad. He resumed _60 Seconds._

“C-cool,” Chris responded. He stumbled into his bed to text Kyle and Maegan.

\---

Lunchtime was a double-edged sword. On one hand, it was incredibly freeing for Chris to be out of the public eye. Of course, he appreciated his lunches with his friends last year, but if they were in a different lunch period then some peace and quiet to recover from the continual agony of high school was appreciated.

However, Chris always wanted to play on his phone up until the moment he sat down with his lunch on the bench all alone. That’s when all he wanted was to tell someone about his day. But Daniel was too busy paying attention in Algebra to respond, and Kyle and Maegan didn’t seem to be too receptive over the phone - those conversations usually got saved for in person after class. It made him realize how lonely it was, having no one to talk to. Chris tried to keep his head up, and not get down about it, but honestly, it fucking sucked.

Despite that, Chris was territorial about that little bit of free time. When he saw Mac Kelley stalking towards him, a wave of defiance rose up within him.

“Finally found you, loser. You hiding from me or something?”

Chris laughed at him. “You were looking for me?”

“What?” 

“Woah. I’ve never seen you blush before.”

Mac advanced on him. He fought the urge to step back. “Cool it, homo.”

“Did you come all the way over here to ask me if I was gay? I don’t think I’m the gay one.” The lie almost made Chris laugh - it came through as a smirk.

“You - you fucker.” Mac grabbed his shirt. “So much to say until it comes to making actual friends. Pathetic.”

Chris swatted the hand away - his words had taken the fun away. “Get out of here, dick. Don’t you have bio to work on?”

Mac glared at him, walking away. “Don’t you? Fucking loser.”

Weird.

\---

Chris and his friends were taller now, but Portland towered above them all the same. Although now a few of the spots they visited were familiar, it still felt like all their exploring was a drop in the bucket in the vast city. 

Once they were settled in their coffee shop with their drinks - black coffee for Maegan, a caramel latte for Kyle, and a hot chocolate for Chris - the meeting began.

Kyle slammed his hand on the table, alarming the nearby patrons. “High school check! We’re a quarter of the way through the year. That’s a whole sixteenth of high school over with.”

“Wow.” Maegan’s face communicated the exact opposite of ‘wow’. “Feels like our high school careers have flown by. What college are you going to, Chris?”

“Hey! Why aren’t I going to a college?”

“I figured sometime before we graduated you’d drop out and annoy people full time.”

Kyle grinned. “Hey, maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”

“Anyway, how’s life, Chris? It’s so hard to catch up without lunch.”

“It’s…” He hesitated. “Great.”

“Dude, it fucking sucks,” Kyle interrupted.

After he finished laughing, Chris nodded. “Yeah… I don’t know what I expected, but it’s so _big._ I feel kinda lost in it all. And I miss you guys.”

Aww,” Maegan said. “We miss you too, dude. High school is definitely… different. But I’m glad we’re more or less the same.”

Chris groaned. “You know who else is the same? Mac Kelley.”

“Boooo!” Kyle yelled, once again annoying the clientele.

“Is he bothering you, Chris?” Maegan’s words were caring, but her eyes were ready to kill.

“Ever since he almost killed me he’s been a little different. Angrier. I don’t know what his deal is, but I know his home probably isn’t great.”

“Ah man, me and Maegan would have switched lunches before the deadline if we’d known.”

“No way! No changing schedules for each other. High school’s about gaining your independence, right?”

“Sure,” Maegan said, “but that doesn’t mean you deal with everything alone. We’re here for you.”

“I know,” Chris said, and he did. “No more sad talk - let’s go thrifting. I want to see Kyle impulse-buy a leather jacket.”

\---

**Danny**

party tonight

won’t be around to hang :(

see ya monday!

Oooh. Have fun!

I want all the details

He handed the phone to Kyle - Maegan was in the fitting room of the thrift store.

“Can you believe this? My dorky best friend is going to a party.”

Kyle looked doubtfully back at him. “From what I heard, it wouldn’t be his first.”

“Ha, what? You’re kidding.” He took his phone back, examining the message again.

“Afraid not, buddy. I thought you’d heard? Apparently the seniors on the soccer team are big fans. They like, hang out, and stuff. I heard from Jeff Polenta.”

Daniel partying. The thought seemed incongruent with his best friend, the one that ate lunches alone and video called his brother’s boyfriend every weekend and watched Hawt Dawg Man when he was feeling down. Were they keeping secrets now or something?

“Dude, you should text him and ask if you can come! Mac Kelley would back down if he knew you were cool with the soccer guys.”

“Me? At a party? Come on.”

Kyle clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey. Eriksen. You have a nervous charm that makes people want to like you. Mac is just deranged. You should go. Parties are what high school’s all about, right? Take the leap, brother.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

Chris was quiet the rest of their time thrifting - he didn’t have the cash to blow on denim, anyway. His brain was totally enveloped by the concept of _him,_ at a high school party. For some reason, he hadn’t seen that kind of thing happening for a good 15 to 20 years down the line. But when he started to shoot down the idea, he started thinking about Daniel laughing, making new friends, new female friends, and forgetting about him, and he couldn’t stop. Finally, he whipped out his phone, as he and his friends exited the shop.

You know… I wouldn’t need to get

the details if I just came with you?

to

the party

with alcohol and stuff

that’d be dope but u sure?

Alcohol? What was Daniel getting himself into? Chris’s hands sweated for a moment, but his mind was already made up.

Yeah. Can we go together tonight?

hell yeah holy shit

party time!!!!!

No going back now.

\---

What did people wear at parties? What did people _do_ at parties? Chris was naive, but he was not expecting everyone to break out into song and dance, at least. He opted for a blue button down that hadn’t gotten much action and jeans, but he stuck to his sneakers for shoes.

He told his dad he was going out with Daniel - not technically a lie. “Okay kid, have a good night!”

This time, Daniel met him in front of their houses instead of in the backyard. Clearly he had not stressed out in front of the mirror like Chris had - he was in a long sleeve white soccer shirt and black shorts. But it wasn’t the worst choice - his defined, hairy legs stood out nicely, and the shirt hugged Daniel’s developing shoulder and arm muscles. Chris gulped.

“Hey, Danny.”

“Chris! You look - nice.”

He blushed. “Thanks! You, too.”

“Oh. Cool.” They stared at each other a moment. “So! Um, you ready, dude? Not backing out?”

They started walking, Daniel leading the way. “Not yet. Maybe I’ll, uh, jet. You know, if it’s not cool enough for me.”

Daniel laughed and shook his head. “Nothing’s cool enough for you. But I’ll promise you’ll have a good time. These parties are awesome - totally what high school is all about.”

Chris smiled and nodded, holding back a frown. He couldn’t tell if he was being judgemental or if Daniel had really changed. “Is there, um, gonna be alcohol? At the party?”

“Of course, dude! But don’t worry about drinking if you don’t want to. No judgement.”

“Y-yeah! No judgement here either! About. Drinking. I might have one or two.”

Daniel giggled. “One or two whats? Shots? Beers?”

“Well… you know. I’m down for anything.

“Hey! That’s the spirit! Ready?

Oh god. They were at the house. With the alcohol and the teenage sex. Chris fought the urge to run. 

“Of course.”

The house wasn’t obnoxiously loud from the outside and there were no multicolored beams of light coming from the windows - if Chris didn’t know better he would’ve thought the cars lined up along the road were just incidental.

Daniel stepped ahead of him and opened the door - there was music, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly loud, just present, like in a car. The lights were dim, but Chris could just barely recognize some faces - upperclassmen he didn’t know.

“Should I take my shoes off?”

Daniel examined him before laughing. “Dude! No. Parties are like… you gotta act like you own the place, you know?”

Chris frowned. “I don’t think that’s really my speed.” But Daniel was already moving, and he had to hurry to keep up lest he be left alone in this lion’s den.

His friend rooted through a cooler placed haphazardly in the middle of the kitchen, pulling out two cans of beer - a sight Chris was more than familiar with. He caught the one Daniel tossed him and, despite his reluctance, opened it. It was odd how a can of beer opened the exact same way as a can of coke. His nose wrinkled at the smell and the bad memories.

Daniel noticed. “Not a fan?” Chris started to respond, but was interrupted. “I was like that too. Just hold your nose and chug. No one drinks for taste, right?” He demonstrated by opening it up and downing most of it without hesitation.

“Nice.” Chris took a sip of his own - it tasted worse than the most disastrous of dad’s dinners. But he didn’t let his cringe be shown. Lucky for him, because right as he did, a massive dude surprised the both of them from behind. Guy must have been 6’ or even 6’1”, definitely a junior or a senior.

“Diaz!! Good to see you, man. Wouldn’t be the same here without you. Who’s the friend?”

Chris gaped. Fortunately Daniel was not as speechless before the giant. “This is Chris! He’s like, my best friend.”

“Aw, wassup man? Name’s Joseph.” Joseph wound his shoulder back, at first like he was going for a high five, then going low as if for a handshake. Still intimidated, Chris just stared at his hand. Like an idiot.

“U-uh. Hey.”

“Alright. Cool stuff.” Joseph looked right through Chris before forgetting him completely. “You down for pong, Dan?”

“Sure, man. Be right there.”

Joseph walked off. Chris took a hasty sip of beer - anything to distract from how painful that was.

“They call you Dan?”

“Cool, right? Everything they do is pretty cool. Hey, I’m gonna go play with those dudes. You good?”

Chris’s head was spinning. _Keep it together, dude._ “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Good… luck?”

And just like that, Daniel was gone into the party, disappearing to some remote side of the house. Holding his beer like a lifeline, Chris looked around. Near the kitchen was a staircase upstairs, where it was completely dark. Probably best to avoid. It seemed the kitchen fed into a living room area, where people were gathered and chatting. For a party, people didn’t seem to be dancing very much. The most adult thing he saw anyone doing at the moment was making out on a couch.

Near the couple was a girl sitting idly. Though she was a little hard to recognize in the lighting and the overall setting, he realized it was Francesca Pontaro, in his Geometry group. He approached cautiously, unsure whether to actually say hi, but before he could make up his mind, they made eye contact.

“Chris!??” She sprang up from where she was sitting, apparently eager to part ways with the lovebirds. “No way you’re here.”

“Way. I’m friends with Daniel, if you know him.”

“Dan?! Of course I know him, he’s awesome. So weird to see you outside of class!”

It _was_ weird. Francesca seemed so different. Her voice was a lot more enthusiastic than in class - which was fair, given it was Geometry - but there was a light in her eyes and a genuine warmth to her voice that he’d never really seen. It was cool, finding out a different side to a classmate.

“Do you come to these often? Seems fun.”

“Oh yeah!” She flipped her hair and laughed. “My boyfriend’s soccer captain, so I end up here a lot.”

“Isn’t the captain a senior?”

“Yeah - awesome, right? Soccer throws these all the time. Tons of fun. You gonna play spin the bottle?”

Chris hoped the dimness hid his blush. “I-is that a joke?”

“Ha! Nope. If you’re anything like Dan, you’ll love it. You know, it’s cool to see you out here. You always seemed so tightly-wound at school.”

“I did? Huh. I guess that’s school for you. It’s cool to see you too.”

A familiar voice came from behind him.

“Eriksen? The fuck?”

Mac Kelley. Because, of course. Chris knew Mac and alcohol enough (unfortunately) to tell that he was pretty drunk. He took a step back.

“Oh. I didn’t realize you’d be here.”

“Hi Mac,” Francesca said, grimacing. “Hopefully I see you at the game, Chris. Nice talking.”

Mac took a step forward, leaning into Chris unsteadily. “What are you doing with a cool chick like Francesca? Cheating on your boyfriend?”

He was already uncomfortable without the drunk asshole in his face. He’d had enough of that for a lifetime, and his body agreed, stomach churning.

“I’d never cheat on you, Mac.”

Chris had to admit, making Mac flush and stutter was kind of enjoyable.

“Do you ever get tired - of the fag shit? I have no idea why you’d bother talking to a girl. Everyone can tell, you know. I definitely can.”

“Fuck off, Mac. Y-you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure I don’t, Eriksen. Sure I don’t.”

In the blink of an eye, Daniel had hold of Chris’ arm - and unfortunately, Chris was now surrounded by two drunks instead of one.

“C-captain Spirit!! It’s spin the bottle time. Won’t be a game without you… you in??” Daniel slurred the words, so unfamiliar.

“S-sure. Bye, Mac.”

Mac took a sip from his cup and eyed the hand on Chris’s arm. “See ya.”

Daniel dragged him over to a space that seemed to be the living room, chairs and couches pushed back to make room for a circle of people. With him and Daniel taking their seats, there were about 10 in total. All around an empty bottle of vodka. Chris took a hefty gulp of his drink.

It seemed Joseph was playing - he quieted everyone down. “Y’all know the rules. Let’s get this shit fucking started.”

Leaning into Chris’s shoulder, Daniel tried to whisper: “Go around the circle spinning. Lands on you spin again. Go hard with this, they really like it when you do.”

Francesca was across the circle from him, and gave a friendly wave when they saw each other. It was some upperclassman girl’s turn, and she ended up kissing some soccer dude. It was clear it wasn’t their first time - they went for it, mashing their faces together with tongue. Chris felt a little sick.

Next it was Francesca’s turn. A couple people whooped and hollered as she spun the bottle, landing on another freshman girl. Chris had a couple questions - didn’t Francesca have a boyfriend? And were two girls gonna kiss?

His questions were answered by a passionate kiss from the two girls, ending only when Francesca was pinned on top of the vodka bottle and needed to get up to remove it. The crowd seemed to like it - everyone, including Daniel, let out cheers like they saw a touchdown.

A few more spins turned out rather predictably - a dude landing on a girl he apparently didn’t like, entertaining the crowd, and a junior making a point of grabbing at a dude’s ass when she kissed him next. Before he knew it, it was Daniel’s turn.

“Fuck yeah!” Daniel yelled, putting down his drink, something that looked like an energy drink. He gave the bottle an eager twirl, and it landed on… Chris.

 _Oh, fuck._ Chris turned to Daniel. “Danny, are you gonna re-”

Daniel crashed into him, almost knocking him over with the force of the kiss. Daniel’s lips were hot and wet and sloppy, and Chris felt his lips being pulled at by the force of his friend’s mouth. Stubble from recently-shaven mustache hairs (when did Daniel start shaving?) rubbed on his face, and Daniel’s grip was tight on his shoulder. It was wildly hot, and gross, and left him stunned.

All around him were screams and shouts, the crowd clearly entertained. By Chris’s first kiss. With Daniel. Completely flushed, he stood up, excusing himself with a mutter. Francesca seemed to get it - she pointed to the person whose turn it was, distracting the drunk audience from what they’d seen.

“Shit, Chris, I’m…” Daniel had staggered to his feet and followed him.

“Don’t worry about it. I just need some air.”

Daniel stopped following him.

Chris found it hard to breathe. On one hand, he was really fucking thrilled by that kiss. The fact that so many people had seen it had made him… proud? Something. But then again, so many people had seen it. Seen his friend… use him. To be what? Popular? Fuck that.

Chris stepped outside but it was freezing in just a button-down and jeans. His face was hot and his mind was hazy - was he drunk? People were smoking on the front porch, and Chris really didn’t feel like destroying his body in two ways instead of one, so he stepped back in again. Everywhere he looked were people, and Chris’s mind was spinning and he just wanted to be alone. There - the staircase. Upstairs, nice and dark and quiet. Looking around for anyone that might yell at him for transgressing, he found no one, and ascended.

It was quiet up there - the music gently faded into the background, all distant calming reverb. Chris followed a hallway until he found an empty bedroom - probably a guest room? He remembered what Daniel had said: act like you owned the place. Fine with him. He jumped onto the bed, bouncing before collapsing into it.

Why was he so hot? His mouth was dry. He just had his first kiss. He was at a high school party. Shit, he was in high school. And Daniel was acting so weird. What the fuck was happening?

Chris trudged into the bathroom and groped around for the light. Turning it on, he made a beeline for the toilet first, and then the sink, drinking down mouthful after mouthful of water. It tasted excellent.

He looked at himself in the mirror - _fuck,_ he was drunk. He didn’t look drunk, just like he didn’t look gay - same button-down and jeans and floppy hair. But his eyes were unstable. It gave him a headache, so he turned off the lights and returned to sit on the bed.

Except he couldn’t. Because sitting there was Mac Kelley.

“You puke?”

“What? No!”

“Ha. Sure.” Mac laid back on the bed.

Defiant, Chris laid down next to him. “If you’re here to be a dick, don’t bother. I’m already having a shitty night. You win.”

“Cool. Me too.”

“Oh yeah,” Chris scoffed. “Who refused to hook up with you?”

“No one.” Mac had a dark look in his eyes.

“T-then why are you having a shitty night?”

“I guess it’s more of a shitty life. You know how it is.”

“I do?”

“Your dad. I remember. People… talked about it.”

Chris squeezed his eyes shut. “Of course they did.”

“Hey, at least people knew about your shit. That way they could care. It’s worse when everything sucks ass and no one knows why.”

He opened his eyes, and for the first time, really _looked_ at Mac Kelley. He was pretty tall - decently taller than him, and had an athletic build. Or was he just skinny? His wavy brown hair was kind of overgrown, and his mouth was pouty. He looked young, now that Chris cared to notice. And his eyes were sad.

“Well, now I know why you act like an asshole. So you’re free.”

“Ouch. Thanks, Eriksen.”

“Dude, are you really acting like the victim right now?” Chris realized he was still a little drunk, and talking to a dick, but couldn’t find it within him to care. “You almost killed me in 7th grade. I think that qualifies as an asshole.”

“Fuck. Don’t remind me. I was so scared I actually killed you or something. Then again, you’re like, invincible or whatever.” He groaned, face in his hands. “Why’d you have to go and tell Ms. Ashwill? My mom beat the hell out of me for that.”

“S-she did? Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I did almost kill you.” A genuine drunk Mac smile was really disarming, actually. Shit.

“Promise not to snitch anymore if you promise to stop assaulting me.”

“Deal.”

They grinned at each other.

“Hey, Eriksen… can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Are you, actually? Gay. I saw you kiss Diaz.”

“He kissed me! And even if I was, why would I tell you? I’m not sure if you know, but violent homophobia is kind of on-brand for you.”

Mac’s eyes were brown like wet rocks on an ocean shore. “Shit. I just - I wish… Fuck this.”

Mac leaned in, and once again Chris found himself being kissed. Instead of Daniel’s drunk force and aggression, this was softer, sweeter. Mac had a desperation about him - yearning. He met Chris’s mouth like it was the last thing he’d ever do, and it was unclear whether it was the alcohol or the intensity of the kiss that made Chris linger.

But for as fucked up as this night was, Chris was still Chris and Mac Kelley was still Mac Kelley. Coming to his senses, Chris shoved the taller boy off him.

“Fuck. Eriksen. Chris.” Chris got up and gathered his stuff, getting ready to leave. Mac grabbed his wrist. “Please. I just - I saw Diaz kissing you and I was… fuck, I was jealous. Don’t go.”

Chris looked at him. He wasn’t sure which of his emotions showed on his face - anger, pity, sadness, but it sent the message.

Mac looked down and sniffled. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Chris nodded and left.

He found Daniel sitting on the couch, sandwiched between two people he didn’t know.

“Danny,” he pleaded. “Can we go? I think I’ve had enough for tonight.”

“What? Already? Come ooon. Don’t be like that.” Daniel didn’t even bother getting up - he seemed more out of it than before.

“I’m sorry, but I’m ready to go. Can we get out of here? Please?”

Daniel side-eyed his friends on the couch. “Gimme 30 minutes.”

Chris was ready for this night to end. “Don’t bother. Have a good night.”

“Thanks, dude! You too.”

 _Did he really just - no._ Chris shook away the dark, dark thoughts.

The walk home was dark and cold.

\---

The next day greeted him with a pounding headache. His dad didn’t notice anything was off, thank God, but his body did. He hadn’t gotten much sleep and his mouth was bone dry. He remembered everything - luckily that stereotype didn’t apply to him yet - but on the other hand, Chris didn’t know if he _wanted_ to remember.

**Kyle**

Can you come over?

Parties suck.

U got it cuz

Kyle found Chris sitting in bed, head between his knees.

“Chris? Buddy? Pal? You alive in there?”

“Barely.”

Kyle whistled and flopped on the bed next to him. “Must’ve been a hell of a party.”

Chris groaned. “This isn’t a hangover from alcohol. This is from a _horrific_ first high school party.”

“Tell papa all about it. ‘S what I’m here for. So would Maegan, but she’s fucking miles away.”

“Alright. Well. Um.” Speaking the words aloud was much more bizarre than Chris anticipated. “Basically I got kissed. Twice.”

“What the fuck. What the fuck? Who fucking kissed you? Was it consensual?”

“Oh, God. It probably could have been more consensual. Um, the first time was spin the bottle with Daniel. And the second person was… not someone I should name. But I would if I could. I swear.”

“And… how do you feel? What do you think about them?”

“Danny did it as a joke and he’s my best friend, so that’s just… no. But the other… person… said they had feelings for me.”

“Nice going, bro! Knew you were gonna be a killer in high school. I’d tell you not to get anyone pregnant like my mom told me, but… y’know. Do you like this mystery other person?”

“If you asked me before today I would have said no way. But they looked really sad. And I felt like I really understood them. But I don’t know if that means I trust them.”

Kyle looked at him seriously. If he was drunk, he'd have sobered up in an instant. “If you don’t trust them, don’t force yourself to. Okay? And you said they kissed you without consent. Hell no. That’s not how healthy relationships start.”

Chris covered his face with a pillow. “You don’t get it… this might be my only chance at a relationship in high school. This isn’t exactly San Francisco, or liberal arts college… there might never be another dude that’s into dudes in the grade after this. Am I even allowed to turn this down?”

“Listen up, fucker.” Kyle got in his face - if Chris didn’t know better, he’d figure he was getting kissed a third time in 24 hours. “You are a fucking _catch._ The mysterious artist, shy boy thing is ridiculously sexy. You don’t need a single reason to turn someone down, and you don’t need to settle for _anyone._ You hear me?”

Chris mustered up a sad expression. “If I’m such a catch, why won’t you date me?”

Kyle blanched. The color drained out of his face completely. “I-is t-that… did I-”

Chris busted out laughing, thankful his dad was out on a date. “No - joke - sorry. So sorry.”

“You mother fucker. Get out of that bed, I’m beating your ass. This is the one hate crime I’ll ever commit.”

After he’d been knocked around with the pillow enough times, they sat back down on the floor.

“So, what do I do about Daniel? He was kind of a dick last night. He made me walk back home alone.”

“That doesn’t sound like him.”

“I know, right?!”

“Have you considered maybe it’s not about you, then? Dude still loves ya. Maybe he’s got something going on you don’t know about.”

“Something I don’t know about? That actually… makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Kyle.”

“You’re very welcome! You know, Maegan only makes fun of me because she’s actually very intimidated.”

“Now I know. I’ll never make fun of you, Kyle.”

“Sure you won’t.”

\---

On Monday, there Daniel was, waiting outside on the sidewalk ready to walk to school, but the spark was gone again, hidden behind layers of walls. Chris knew this version of him - he was annoyed. He didn’t bounce along as they walked, but worse than that is that he still made an effort to pretend everything was normal.

“So how’s Bio?” he’d ask.

“Pretty hard, don’t you think? Mr. Mennell’s class didn’t prepare us at all.”

“Yeah.”

Thrilling repartee with his best friend.

Something about it was infuriating - not just Daniel, but all of it. He’d go to school with this cardboard cutout of a best friend, and spend his day listening to exhausted teachers try to wrangle ungrateful students, and listen to his peers prattle on about nothing when Chris knew they were so much smarter than that.

Then he’d come home, to his dad, who he thought was getting better but seemed so stiff. They never talked about Chris being gay. The pressure of that weighed down on everything else - every conversation became overshadowed, forced to hold up the scaffold of normalcy that his coming out had broken.

High school was fucking hell.

The breaking point came out of nowhere - Chris was listening to music and working on a Human Geography paper. It was already a shitty day, Daniel was just so cold and no one was around to hang out after school so it had just been him, nonstop. And then his music cut out and wouldn’t turn back on, and he realized the last two paragraphs he’d written were completely wrong, and the tears started coming and coming and wouldn’t stop.

It was so fucking bitter. With the amount of homework he had, Chris didn’t know if he even had time to cry, but he couldn’t help it. He was just lonely, and sad, and felt betrayed, and it all was so unfair and ridiculous. He was trying to be confident this year but it was so impossibly hard. 4 years of this was unimaginable. There was no way in hell he could keep back all of those emotions for that long.

Chris laid back on his bed and waited for the chest-wracking sobs to subside - they did, eventually. Afterwards he felt exhausted, and definitely not ready to write more of his paper, but lighter. Like maybe he was ready to do something else.

After washing his face, he knocked on the bedroom door.

“Dad?”

“Hey, kid? Paper going okay?”

“Er… not really,” he said. How was he gonna say this? “Um, dad, I’m gay.”

His dad’s eyes widened. “I-I know that, buddy.”

“Sure, but do you have a reaction? A thought? Even if it’s bad.”

“But I love you. Of course I don’t have bad thoughts. I don’t care, Chris. Really.”

Chris rubbed his brow. “Okay… but I care. I care a lot.”

“You shouldn’t. Being gay doesn’t make anyone worse, or better, than anyone else, okay? Isn’t the first step to tolerance not caring?”

“I mean, yeah… for your coworker! I’m your son. And I was really scared to tell you. And I kind of just wanted you to hug me and be surprised but happy for me.” Chris sniffled, very much unlike a 15 year old.

“Oh, kiddo. Come here.” His dad embraced him in a heavy hug. “I’m so sorry. I should have seen how scary this was for you, but you’ve always been such an independent kid. I didn’t want to patronize you, or make you think I thought it was a big deal - for me. But it’s a big deal for you! Right?”

“Yeah,” Chris muttered into his dad’s side.

“Then I am so proud of my incredible son. You are so brave.” His dad pulled back and looked at him. “We both know I was a terrible dad to you after your mom died. Every day I’m terrified that I’m gonna let you down like that again, and it kind of hamstrings me with emotional stuff, sometimes. That’s not my forte, and I just love you so much, and I get scared -”

“Dad. Dad, it’s okay. We all mess up sometimes.”

He took a deep breath. “Alright. What can I do for you now?”

“Just be here with me a sec?”

“Of course.”

\---

“Maegan, what do you do when you need to talk to someone?”

She blinked, looking up from her problem set. “Probably talk to them.”

“Well, yeah, but… what if it’s hard?”

“Talk to them anyway.”

Chris frowned, biting his pencil. “What if they get mad at you?”

“Well, if I needed to talk to them, then obviously it’s important. I’d apologize if I were wrong, but the relationship isn’t gonna continue if we can’t say what we need to say.”

“What if you being honest ends the relationship anyway?”

“I’d prefer to be honest and get closure then spend a lot of effort lying and faking to someone. That doesn’t really do a lot for me, and usually when I try I just end up really resentful.”

“How are you so wise?”

“I read a lot of relationship advice on Reddit.”

“Ohhhh.”

“Yeah. Usually I’d tell you to hit the gym, too, but I think you being skinny is part of your twinky charm.” She pinched his arm.

He tugged his arm back. “My - what?”

“Nothing.”

\---

Deep breath. There were people around on the sidewalk, but Chris did his best not to care.

“Danny, walking to school with you in the morning kind of sucks.”

Daniel glared at him. “What?”

“You act so different now. What happened, dude?”

“It’s not my fault I have friends. From what I remember, you did the ‘get new friends’ thing first.”

People were looking at them now, passing glances and knowing mutters. Whatever.

“You’re acting like I ditched you, Danny.”

“Are you kidding? You spent an entire year spending your free time with them over me. And you left the party and embarrassed me. Fuck you, dude.”

They weren’t even bothering to walk anymore.

“I left the party because I had a shitty time and needed to talk to you about it, but you couldn’t even be bothered to get off the couch with your ‘friends’. You’re not being fair.”

“I was having fun!”

“Were you really? It seemed to me like you were performing for everyone.”

“I’m _always_ performing for everyone.” He glanced around. “I’m not talking about this here.”

Daniel turned to storm off but Chris grabbed his wrist. “Then let’s go somewhere.”

“What? You, skipping school?”

“Fuck school.”

Daniel let out a whisper of a smile. “Okay.”

There was a playground by the library that was always empty during school hours. They left their backpacks on the ground and crawled into a thin crawlspace. Cramped, but intimate. And private.

“Do you really feel like you’re always putting on a show for everyone, Danny?”

His voice was soft. “Of course. Ever since Sean left.”

“Even me?” Daniel nodded, stiff. “Fuck.”

“I don’t know if you’d like me, if you knew how sad I am all the time. And angry, sometimes.”

“I love you, Danny. You’ve dealt with way more than anyone deserves. It’s okay to feel bad.”

“But you’ve gone through a lot too. With your mom, and your dad. But you’re so strong. Sometimes I feel like if I disappeared you’d be just fine. I know that’s unfair. And most of my soccer friends definitely wouldn’t care, and I know you would, more. But it still feels like no one needs me.”

“Danny…” Chris’s head spun. “I’m where I am because you’re my best friend. Without you, I’m kind of pathetic, heh... If you see me as strong, it’s because you only see me when you’re by my side.”

“Dude. I appreciate that, but it’s not true. You’ve grown a ton. And I’m just sorta… pretending to grow.” Daniel looked up, blinking tears out of his eyes. “I feel like I’m still stuck in 2017, waiting for Sean to come back and tell me what to do. Did you know I’m seeing a psychiatrist?”

“Y-you are?”

“Mhm. He, um, put me on antidepressants, at the start of this year. They made me a total zombie. I tried to get through it, but the breaking point was when you noticed and asked if you’d done something wrong. That fucking sucked. So, I, um, stopped.”

“Is that when you started going to those parties?”

“Yeah.”

Chris could barely speak. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You seemed like you were having such a good year. You’re better at school than I am, and your friends are cool and you’ve got your own stuff going on at the library. I just wanted to seem like I could keep up.”

“Danny, the other day I had a literal breakdown. I cried my eyes out to my dad.”

“You’re kidding me. Really?”

“Yeah,” Chris laughed, a choked sound. “You’re not the only one who’s been performing. For a while now, actually.”

“What do you mean?” Daniel turned over to face him. Chris blushed.

“Well, um. I’m gay. I’ve known for a little while now.”

“Wow. Oh. Wow. So when I kissed you, that was probably, a little…”

“No! It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry, that I didn't tell you, before then. You probably wouldn’t have -”

“No. It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t mind kissing you. Um, not any more than before I knew -”

“Thanks. Um.”

They stared at each other.

“Did I do something wrong? I’m not the first person you’ve told, I can tell.”

“It’s not that you did something wrong, it’s just… you’ve known me longer than Maegan and Kyle have. I guess I was scared that telling you would change our friendship, even though I know it wouldn’t. It was just… harder. I care about you too much.”

“I care about you too. You can tell me anything. Total honesty?”

“Total honesty from now on. Promise.”

“Okay,” Daniel sighed happily. “High school sucks.”

“It sucks so hard, doesn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freshman year sucks, anyone who says otherwise is a liar


	8. Sophomore Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, either hello from the distant past, or thank you for bearing with my hiatus! I can't promise a consistent posting schedule from here on out, but I am more-or-less done with a cross-country move and the US election is over, so I don't think the next chapter will take as long. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait!

With freshman year over, Chris had a new pep in his step. The sun shined more, the flowers smelled sweeter, and the days felt like anything could happen. And Chris was totally done with drama. Last year was  _ exhausting. _ But this year would be different. No more kissing, no more pretending to be happy, no more bizarre surprises.

Like Mac Kelley showing up on his doorstep. 

“Dude, do you ever quit showing up out of nowhere?” Chris didn’t bother to keep the acid out of his voice.

Mac’s eyes were wide and pleading. He looked younger this way, pouty and desperate. Chris thought this Mac and him could have been friends. “Chris… can we talk? Please.”

Chris sighed and led him into his bedroom - not ideal given the circumstances of their last meeting, but he wasn’t working with much with his dad in the backyard.

He fought the instinct to slap Mac’s hands away from his stuff.

“Damn, Chris. I didn’t think you’d actually still have stuff like this. I remember when you were Mega Loser instead of just, you know. Standard loser.” Mac gave him a conspiratorial smirk which he did not return.

“What do you want?”

The smirk vanished. “Listen, I know I said… a lot of stuff. I know I was drunk, and -”

“Dude, don’t even worry about it. I haven’t told anyone and I’m not going to. Now, can you -”

“Let me finish, asshole.” Mac’s had an expression like a predator looking at prey. “I don’t regret it. At all. Maybe it took some alcohol to say, but that’s just life. I want you, Chris.”

Mac extended a hand - maybe to stroke a piece of hair, or to cup his face, but all Chris saw was a bully reaching for him. He flinched back, almost stumbling out of the room. Chris loved and hated the hurt in Mac’s eyes.

“Mac… you can’t do this to me.”

“Chris... I felt the way you kissed me back, and the way you look at me… let yourself have this. Let me have this. We could be happy together.” Mac’s eyes were shiny. “I love you.”

Mac leaned in for a kiss. His lips were soft, but they brought memories that made Chris tingle with anxiety and fear and anger and frustration and confusion. He shoved Mac back.

“Are you crazy? You barely know me. And you’ve been  _ awful _ to me.”

“I know. And I’m sorry, Chris. But you like me. We like each other! Why don't you just take what you want?”

“You can’t just get what you want all the time. Sometimes life is about just dealing with the way things are. You don’t get to just… torture people, and then expect them to want to date you. You’re being gross.”

“You have no idea how sorry I am. I… with everything at home, my mom -”

“You told me. I remember. I just…” Chris struggled for the right words. “Mac, I forgive you. I get why you are… the way that you are. But that doesn’t mean I forget. Even if my brain trusts you, I don’t think my body could. Every time you look at me I get scared you’re gonna hurt me. That’s not the best starting point for a relationship.”

“But I’ve told you more than anyone else, ever.” Mac looked so young.

“Confiding in me while you’re drunk doesn’t mean I owe you a date. I’m sorry that happened to you. Really. But I’m not going to fix you. And I don’t think I can ignore how you’ve treated me, either.”

Mac’s expression was dark, the pain of rejection lighting into anger. “You won’t even give me a chance? But you’ll forgive and forget with your dad, just like that?”

“That’s unfair, Mac -”

“No, no. I get it. Everyone gets to make mistakes except me. Because fuck me, right? Whatever.”

“Mac, wait!”

But it was too late. He’d stormed out, wiping his eyes.

Chris laid back on his bed, drained of all his energy. He wanted to be empathetic, and cater to Mac’s needs,  _ so  _ badly. He wanted to make him happy, not mad, and become whatever the image in his head was.

But he deserved better. They both did. Even if there were some tears in the beginning.

Chris sighed. Being a grown up was fucking annoying. No one told him it would happen this fast.

Good thing at 15 years old he was pretty much done growing as a person. There was no way in hell there was anything more to learn after the shit he went through last year.

\---

Chris shuddered behind the wheel. “Dad, you’ve given me the power to kill someone.”

“You’ve always had the power to kill someone. You’re just more aware of it right now.”

“Not helping!”

His dad chuckled in the passenger seat. It was weird, having their usual positions reversed like this. “Fine, fine. Just switch it into reverse, release the emergency brake, and slowly ease off the brake.”

Chris’ hands and feet fumbled into the right positions. He did what felt right, unlocking the emergency brake, and pressing down on the -

The car rumbled like a crazed animal. Chris gasped, but their car did not careen into the garage, somehow staying in place. He unbuckled his seatbelt and leapt out.

“Chris, don’t panic. You just pressed on the gas instead of the brake.”

His dad’s calmness infuriated him. “Yes! I did! And if I was in reverse, and someone was behind me, they’d be dead!”

“Buddy,” his dad sighed, “don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”

He gestured for Chris to sit in the backseat with him. Chris reluctantly obliged, taking a deep breath.

“Sorry,” Chris muttered. “It’s just… it’s a little overwhelming. You’ve had 15 years to get used to having someone’s life depend on you, but it’s brand new to me.”

His dad had a dark look in his eyes. “I got used to it, but that doesn’t mean I always did a good job.”

“You’ve had the same car for all 15, so clearly you’re not doing too badly!” He knew he sounded huffy, but he didn’t care.

“No, I meant… listen, Chris. You’ve got mistakes on the mind right now, and I get it. But you can’t promise you won’t make mistakes. You can only promise to do your best and own up to it when you let someone down… right?”

Chris’s anxious brain was filled with more horrifying car crashes than  _ the Fast and the Furious. _ “But some mistakes are unforgivable, right? Some things are just too far.”

His dad sighed. He had a faraway look in his eyes, like he was in a different conversation. “Maybe.”

“Finally, you admit it!” Chris got out of the car and stretched. “Gonna be awhile before I try that again. Rest easy, Beaver Creek. You’re safe for now.”

\---

“Did you, um… tell them?”

Daniel cocked his head. “Tell them what, dude?”

“That I’m… you know, gay.”

Daniel laughed. “Nah, dude. That’s yours to share, even though I think they’d  _ love _ it. No stress, okay?”

“Ha, okay, okay…” Chris reached for the call button. “Thanks, Daniel.”

The call didn’t ring for long, two figures flashing onto the screen. On the left, a man with a smile that disarmed any fear caused by his face tattoos. With shortly chopped brown hair and a ragged rock band t-shirt (Chris didn’t recognize the band), it would have been hard to tell his age if he hadn’t already known.

On the right, a face that made Chris’ heart skip a beat and his face go red. While his expression was usually serious, a fond smile softened his features. With robust facial hair -  _ Jesus, would Daniel grow that much? _ \- and shaggy black hair that seemed overgrown, he was  _ sexy. _

“Hey, y’all!” “Hey, guys.”

“Hi Finn! Hey Sean!” Daniel gave them a grin before faltering and looking to his friend. Chris was out of it, staring at Sean and his beard and his jawline and - “Dude, say hi!”

He stammered. “O-oh, uh, hey guys! Good to see you again after a while - remember me?” Chris rubbed his neck, embarrassed out of his mind.

Finn’s expression turned stony. He leaned towards the camera. “Christopher Captain Eriksen Spirit. Are you high?”

“N-no!”

“Of  _ course _ we remember you! You’re part of the family!” Finn chuckled, as if anything to the contrary would be unbelievable. Sean punched him in the shoulder.

“Sorry, he’s an asshole. But of course we remember you, dude! I could never forget my visits to Beaver Creek.”

Finn smirked, though he was still rubbing his shoulder. “Plus, even if we never met ya, Daniel talks about you an awful lot…”

“Uh, r-really?” Chris blushed, trying to hide his glances at Daniel. 

“Of course,” Daniel said. “You’re my best friend! No one’s half as interesting as you. … You okay, dude?”

Daniel was looking at him with an eyebrow raised, clearly catching on to Chris’s suspicious behavior. “Yeah, I’m having fun is all. How’s Austin, guys?”

Sean opened his mouth but Finn blew right past him. “Austin’s in-fuckin’-credible as always. ACL is comin’ up - that’s a huge music concert we have here - and the lineup is killer. Strange Delusion, Misty Mice, Three and a Half Hotels - even Katlëen will be there!”

Chris had heard of one of those bands, tops.

“Aaand,” Sean continued, unfazed by Finn’s interruption, “I don’t know if Daniel told you, Chris, but I finished art school last May, so I’ve been freelancing from here and it’s been going well.”

“S-seriously? And it’s been supporting you guys?”

“Haha, with some help from Mr. Handy here, it has.”

Finn grinned and nudged his boyfriend. “Mr. Handy, eh?”

“Woah,” Chris said, amazed at his fantasies come true.

“Nooo,” Daniel said, putting his head in his hands, face burning.

\---

“Thanks for keeping up with me, guys,” Chris rambled. “It means a lot to feel part of the family, and I know you’re so busy, and -”

“Listen,  _ enano,"  _ Sean smiled. “I have a feeling you’ll be part of the family a long time, okay?”

Chris nodded in gratitude.

“And we’ll try t’ be in touch more often with college comin’ up for you guys, okay? Your two  _ guncles _ are here for ya.” Finn looked at Sean with a proud expression, puffing his chest out.

Daniel scratched his chin. “But neither of you are gay or uncles.”

Finn narrowed his eyes. “No nephew of mine speaks to me like that.”

“Okay, okay,” Sean said, pulling Finn away from leering at the camera. “Time for guncle Finn to fold some laundry. See you guys!”

“Bye!”

“See ya!”

The screen closed, and it was the two 15 year-olds sitting together on Daniel’s bed once again. There was a lot less room for them than there had once been - Daniel’s sprouting height almost took his feet off the bed when he lay down on the whole thing, and the two of them on it together resulted in an intertwined mess. Chris could feel Daniel’s leg hair rub against him as he sat up.

“You’re jealous of him,” Daniel said, dreadfully accusatory.

“W-what? Who?”  _ Please don’t say Finn, please don’t say Finn - _

“Finn.”  _ Fuck. _

“Heh - haha, why would I be jealous of h-him?” Chris had a ball of ice in his stomach.

“Because…. he’s dating my brother.”

_ Ohdeargodheknowshowdoesheknowwhotoldhim _

“You have a fat crush on Sean, dude. Don’t even try to hide it. I can’t believe you’d keep a secret from me like that!”

The hot tension in Chris’s body slowly drained out of him, and he went a bit limp. “You - you think - I - with Sean?”

“Could you blush any less at the screen? Your face when he said you were part of the family - I could see the wedding you were dreaming of in your eyes.”

“You could not be farther from the truth,” Chris sighed. Pretty much a lie - Daniel was awfully close to the truth, but it didn’t feel like it with how relieved Chris was.

“Whatever, lovebird. Just don’t let me catch you taking out a hit on Finn. He’s cool sometimes.”

\---

As Chris walked - not drove - to the library, he was indeed thinking about Sean. Yes, the beard was sexy, but Sean was doing it. He was actually doing art and not starving to death on the street. With a cute boyfriend, in a cool city.

It was so simple, yet hard to wrap his head around. Chris didn’t really see people who lived the life he dreamed of living. Everyone was an engineer, or a financial analyst (what was finance, anyway?), or a plumber. Straight, with wives that they watched Beaver Creek High football games with. It was so contrary to everything he wanted, but it was the only example of a life he had. Chris knew what his ideal life looked like, but he’d never seen it until he saw Sean and Finn. And even after seeing it, he didn’t know if he could  _ have _ it. Sean and Finn had gone through so much, had such a strong bond, had so much determination. Not like him.

Chris sighed as he walked into the library. He liked to resolve these thoughts, not stress over them and shove them into the back of his mind, but he didn’t have much of a choice. “Hey, Sabs!”

Sabrina gave her trademark smile. “Hey Chris! You got the spreads?”

“Right here. Sorry they’re a little late.” He laid out his design concepts on the table, letting her pore over the fall-themed mockups.

“Late? Dude, it’s super hot still. You’re early, don’t worry.” She fingered a page full of pumpkins, leaves, and trees. “Great job as always. Though -”

“I know what you’re gonna say,” Chris groaned. “No! No. I like it like this.”

“Chriiiiiis! I don’t even know what consultant means, and it’s so  _ boring _ around here! If we hired you properly you could make twice as much and -” she twirled him around. “- hang out with me!!”

He giggled. “And I told you, I like having the time to make everything perfect. I don’t want to get hired, and you know…”

“Fuck up?”

“Heh, yeah. F-fuck up. I love this place, and I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

“Dude.” Sabrina’s eyes were serious. “Get over yourself! You think I’m little miss perfect?”

“As a matter of fact, I do!”

She burst out laughing. “You know how many community events I plan and totally bomb? And you would die if you knew how many times Ellie yelled at me for spending time on the job talking to a teen - no offense. If you try to do everything perfect, not only are you gonna fuck up, you’re gonna be miserable no matter what.”

Chris blinked twice. She was so impassioned. “I -”

“Don’t give me back talk! I’m older than you, so I’m always right. Say, ‘you’re right, Sabrina.’”

“I - you’re right, Sabrina.”

“So cute! So you’ll consider it?”

“Fine. Yeah, I will.”

“Hell yes! We are gonna have so much fun together.”

Chris sighed. “I’m in danger, aren’t I?”

\---

Day 6 of driving school was much like days 1-5 of driving school. Maegan winked at him from across the classroom, Mac avoided eye contact, and a random freshman snored unsubtly.

The teacher, Mr. Belroy, either saw none of it or was far too old to care. He looked older than cars themselves - Chris was still deciding if that was a good thing or not.

“Next topic, students, will be on the topic of… accidents.” Mr. Belroy sounded grim. “Socrates once called the car the most common weapon of mass destruction, and seeing what my students are capable of, I’m inclined to agree. Would anyone like to guess how many people I’ve known have ended lives behind the wheel?”

Frank Delaney’s hand shot up. “Five hundred!”

Mr. Belroy peered at him from behind his glasses. “I’m glad you regard my teaching so highly. Much lower than that, thankfully.”

Maegan was next. “Zero, sir?”

“Very kind, Miss Chan. I wish that were the case. The answer is seven.”

Everyone grimaced. Chris went pale.

“Seven people are no longer with us because someone made bad decisions behind the wheel. Depending on how seriously you take my class and your responsibilities thereafter, that number may rise.”

_ Ohhh, no. _

Chris excused himself to the bathroom. Any longer and he was going to be sick. He ended up with his head between his knees, sitting in a ball outside the boys’ bathroom. Lucky it was a Saturday, otherwise half the school would have seen him dry-heaving in a cold sweat.

“Woah, Chris, you okay?” Thank god - it was Maegan.

“H-hey. How’s it going?”

“Don't bullshit me - are you okay? Do you need to go to the nurse?”

“I’ll be f-fine, I’m just - a little shaken up.”

Maegan sat down next to him. “About the death stuff, right?”

Chris slowly lifted his head, trembling. “That’s how, my m-mom -”

“Right.” Maegan’s voice indicated she had heard all she needed to. “I had no idea. You’re brave, for coming anyway.”

“Or stupid. Is there a difference?”

“Chris, if you’re stupid, the rest of us are in trouble, okay? Just breathe and talk to me.”

“W-well, I just can’t stop thinking about it. How much hurt I could cause. In the driver’s seat.”

Maegan was close but not crowding him - it was soothing, despite the buzzing in his head. “Anyone can hurt anyone, at any time. That’s kind of the deal, right?”

“That’s a shitty deal. I’d rather die than hurt someone like that.”

“Listen to me. Did you see the people in that room? Mac, and that sleeping kid, and like twelve girls on their phone? I trust you far more than I trust them on the road, okay? So I’d really prefer if you got back in there. You can sit out… or you can help make the ratio of good drivers to bad drivers that much better.” She gave a shy smile. “Plus, I’d miss you a lot if you dropped out. So... do it for me?”

Chris had some really good friends. “Okay. For you.”

Maegan stood, and offered Chris her hand. He took it, and gave it a squeeze before letting go.

\---

“Heeeey, bro!” Daniel careened up the treehouse like he was on a mission - which, knowing him, was very possible.

“Hey, Danny.”

“Get it? I called you bro - cause when you marry Sean you’ll be my brother-in-law -”

Chris definitely didn’t have dormant powers, because if he did, Daniel would have been eviscerated by now. “One, I don’t have a crush on your brother. Two, even if I did, he and Finn are really cute and I’m not a homewrecker. Three, shut up or I won’t drive you around when I get my license a year before you.”

“Ooof!” Daniel rubbed his shoulder like he’d been punched. “That was a low blow and you know it. Just because your dad is cooler than Claire and Stephen -”

“Doesn’t mind if his kid kills someone on the road as much as Claire and Stephen -”

“- doesn’t mean you should rub it in my face!” Daniel leaned over into Chris’s space.  _ Keep it together, Chris. _ “Besides, I’m really looking forward to getting into shenanigans with you.”

Chris couldn’t suppress a dumb grin. “I’m really looking forward to it too... which is why you shouldn’t bully me and end our friendship before then.”

Daniel looked at him softly. “Nothing can end our friendship, dude.”

“S-sure.” Chris looked away. He tried very hard to ignore the surefire ways to end the friendship that his brain kept picturing.

“Speaking of relationships, are your dad and his girlfriend still together? I was thinking about it earlier. I remember when you told me about her, but you haven’t really mentioned the since.”

“Oh…” Chris tapped the end of his pencil against his mouth. “I’m not sure, actually. He hasn’t really mentioned her much either. Maybe I’ll ask him about it.”

“A mystery! Now I can’t wait.”

“I can. I won’t be able to do much of anything until this AP World History essay is finished.”

“Better hurry up then,” Daniel said in a sing-song voice, pulling out his own homework. “Before you get a half-brother!”

Chris shivered violently at the thought.

\---

Chris’s dad was looking jovial - he couldn’t blame him, considering the satisfying heft of the bag of barbecue he was bringing home.

“Did you get the sauce?”

“I  _ always _ get the sauce, son. You know how their brisket tastes without the sauce.”

“But with it... oh man.” Chris paused to drool.

“Let’s get this puppy open.”

Chris never ate as much as his dad, which was okay, because it meant he could pay full attention to the marvel that was his father cleaning a rib to the bone. It was morbidly beautiful.

“Hey, dad - awkward question.”

“Shoot, kiddo,” his dad said, mouth full of meat.

“Are you and Kyu Won still… a thing?”

His dad’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I wasn’t expecting that.” He swallowed. “Do you, um… not want us to be?”

“Whatever makes you happy, dad! It’s just been a while since you talked about her, is all.”

“Oh.” His dad mopped barbecue sauce off his 5 o’clock shadow. “Well, there’s a reason for that, but it’s a funny reason.”

“Which is..?” His dad was acting strange.

“Well, when I offered to introduce you two, I was kind of… expecting it to be a trial run, for things. With me dating. I’d figured you’d have space to process it all, and if you didn’t like her, it’d be fine, because me and her were still pretty casual.”

“And now?”

“Well… son… I’m not really sure what I’d do, if you didn’t like her.” He frowned. “You two are gonna get along great - she’s really cool, seriously - but those are big shoes to fill, and I wouldn’t blame you if it was too much.”

“I told you, it’s fine. I’m not gonna be a brat and throw a tantrum or anything - I want you to be happy.”

“I-I know you do, kiddo, but I want you to be happy too.”

“I am! And I wouldn't ruin your relationship if I wasn’t.”

His dad rubbed his eyes. He looked tired. “Chris… you know this isn’t normal, right?”

“What do you mean? Of course we’re normal.”

“You know that isn’t true. And fathers and sons… most kids aren’t in charge of recycling their beer bottles at 10 years old.”

Chris didn’t understand. “That was then. This is now. We’re fine, dad.”

“Do you never get sad, about your mother?”

“I guess, not that much, but -”

“And do you never get angry? At me? For how I was?”

“W-what? No. What are you saying?”

“I'm just worried that you're not asserting your needs, or even recognizing them -”

This was too much. “I’m sorry, dad, I’m not doing this right now. I have an essay to finish.” He was halfway to his room by the time his dad could react.

“Chris, please, talk to me -”

The door slammed shut.

\---

Chris felt like he was drowning in clothes. The suit jacket was altogether too big for his thin frame, and the shoes felt awkward and made his steps much louder than he was used to. He tried to brush his hair into something acceptable - it was a little too long, but whatever. The figure staring back at him in the mirror was unfamiliar, but it was kind of exciting.

He descended the stairs to the sound of his dad rambling about the past.

“I remember back in high school, the homecoming game really marked the real start to the school year - who was suddenly dating, who was cool and who was a nerd - Chris!”

Seven heads swiveled to meet him.

Claire and Stephen were seeing Daniel off, who looked just as uncomfortable in his suit, although his fit much better. Maegan’s parents had already said goodbye. She looked uncomfortable in her blue dress, but relieved to see him. And, of course, Kyle and his mom were decked to the nines, with Kyle’s pink tie matching his mother’s jumpsuit. They were the only two that didn’t look incredibly stiff.

“H-hey, guys. Sorry I’m late - bowties are tough.”

Claire smiled. “You look lovely, Chris. Come down and we’ll take a picture!”

“Sure,” Maegan muttered. “Because who wouldn’t want to immortalize this?”

“Okay, Kyle, you get on Daniel’s left,” Kyle’s mom ordered. “And then Chris there, and Maegan there.”

Chris soon found out that putting Claire and Kyle’s mom in the same room was a dire mistake - they combined forces into Mega Mom, snapping at least a hundred pictures in every pose and combination of people. Kyle’s mom had her own big camera she was using, and she didn’t hesitate to tell someone when they were messing up a shot. Claire made sure everyone looked put-together (well, mostly that Chris and Daniel didn’t look too messy) and barked orders when it was each person’s time to be photographed.

“I - fuck - I think it’s time for the dance,” Maegan panted. The high heels seemed to be taking their toll on her. “We - haa… - better get going.”

Claire gasped. “Oh, really? I must have lost track of the time! Alright then, go, go! Call us if you need anything.”

The adults stayed and chatted, except for Kyle’s mom, who herded the children out the door.

Daniel leaned over to them and whispered: “Isn’t the dance just starting?”

Maegan shushed him. “Do you really want to stay and take more pictures?”

Daniel’s eyes went wide in realization, and he made no further comments.

The ride in the minivan was short but jovial, and Kyle’s mom’s eyes were misty as she told them to have a good night.

“Text me if you need anything!”

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Piorkowksi,” Chris said courteously. “You look lovely, by the way. I hope you have a great night too.”

She pinched Chris’s cheek so hard he feared it might come off. “Aren’t you the sweetest? I’ll see you soon, kids!”

The group let out a collective sigh in the parking lot of their high school.

“Okay,” said Daniel. “Everyone got their money for the tickets?”

They nodded - $40 each.

“Perfect. IHOP time!”

Chris felt bad for lying to the parents, but the school’s homecoming dance was truly a miserable affair. Awkward freshmen hoping to lose their virginities and celery and ranch as snacks. Plus, if their parents were mad, they could blame Beaver Creek for putting delicious salted caramel pancakes within walking distance.

The dinner was lively - the restaurant was all but empty, leaving the four of them to cram into a booth and let loose in a way they hadn’t in a while.

“Kyle,” Maegan warned. “If you try to touch your phone one more time -”

“Maegan!! This thing with our phones is torture! Serena is somewhere with _ out _ me and you expect me to just sit here?”

Daniel leaned over to Chris, who was laughing at the exchange. “So tell me again why our phones are stacked up in the middle of the table?”

“Kyle has had this huge crush on Serena Vasamontes since the summer. He’s impossible to talk to because he’s always checking her page, so we agreed to put our phones down, and the first one to touch them has to buy everyone dinner.”

“And he agreed to this because..?”

Kyle groaned. “Because I never back down from a challenge.”

“Yeah, like trying to date a  _ lesbian _ !” Maegan laughed.

“She’s not a lesbian!! She’s just alt!”

“Well, why don’t we ask Chris? Shouldn’t he of all people be able to tell?”

Daniel turned and looked at him even though they were sitting on the same side of the booth - the closeness meant their noses were almost touching. “Yeah, Chris,” he said -  _ when did his voice get so much deeper? _ \- “Can you tell when someone isn’t straight?”

Chris averted his gaze, heating up. “No way. I could barely tell when I wasn’t straight. Although… the Doc Martens aren’t a good sign, Kyle.”

“Nooooo!!”

Kyle’s wailing was interrupted by the waitress, who looked amused by the proceedings in front of her. “Can I get y’all anything?”

“Sure, I -” Chris faltered.

Daniel picked up on his reluctance immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“I… it just feels kind of wrong to spend Dad’s money when I lied to him.”

Chris felt a comforting hand rub his shoulders. “Dude, aren’t you in a fight with him? Either way, I’ve done much worse than buy pancakes, I promise. Why don’t you just let yourself have something good?”

“It… it just feels wrong.” He turned back to the waitress. “Just a cherry coke, please.”

\---

Four days a week, $15 an hour. It felt like way too much, but Chris would have been an asshole to refuse. Plus, the job entailed lots of helping Sabrina, and he probably would have done it for free.

“Hold that steady!”

‘I’ll hold this ladder like my life depended on it, Sabs.”

She looked down at him darkly. “It does.” Luckily, she didn’t fall from the fit of laughter that followed.

They moved aisles, grabbing the requisitioned books.

“So, Chris, how’s driving school going?”

He sighed. “Really good, actually.”

“Then why do you sound so miserable about it, dummy?”

“Well, I’m on track to get my license in a couple weeks, and I know my dad, and he’s gonna get me a car and tell me he’s proud of me and expect me to drive it and it’s just gonna be another responsibility.”

Cart full of books put away, they pulled out the posters Chris had designed for Christmas and started pinning them up. The work was oddly relaxing.

“Chris, you are like, the most responsible kid I’ve ever met. When you first came in, I thought ‘jeez, this kid would probably do my job better than me.’”

“Exactly! Don’t I have enough responsibilities?”

Sabrina’s expression was soft. “You do. But most of those are just burdens. This is something freeing, something fun! Driving is a good thing, Chris. You should let yourself have it.”

“Ugh!” Chris let out a noise of annoyance that probably wasn’t the most librarian-like of him. “People keep telling me that I should just do what I want to do or what makes me happy. But most of those things are scary, and stupid, and dangerous, and I just… shit. Sorry for yelling.”

Sabrina grabbed his hand. “Don’t be sorry. I mean… we’re in a library, don’t yell, but go on, Chris.”

He blushed. “Well… I guess I’m happy. Really happy, more than I can remember being in a long time. And I don’t want to screw that up by being reckless, just because of how I feel.”

Sabrina nodded. “Let’s go get a glass of water, okay?”

The break room was cool, empty, and soundproof. Perfect. Chris gulped down a glass of water, embarrassed at his outburst.

“Thanks, Sabrina. Really. We can get back to work -”

“Chris. Can I tell you a story?” He nodded. “When I was 23, I was actually in law school. And I was on track to graduate with my best friend in the world, this guy named Simon. I couldn’t imagine life without him. All of a sudden, he dropped out. I was heartbroken - we were doing really well in school, and we really relied on each other. He told me he was going to use the rest of his tuition money to travel the world, and he asked if I wanted to come with him.”

Chris was silent, breathless.

“And I said no. I thought there was no way there was a future for me anywhere else than where I was. Law school seemed like it made so much sense. He asked me if I was happy and I said yes. I didn’t see him for 4 years.” She took a deep breath. “I ended up dropping out - I didn’t mind law school, but Simon was the reason I loved it. The next time I saw him was at his wedding. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“I think so.”

“Just because how you feel is scary, and you don’t know where that feeling is gonna lead you, doesn’t mean you should convince yourself you feel differently. You need to take those risks or else… you sorta end up living your life regretting it, okay?”

“Okay.”

That serious expression on her face lightened in an instant. “In that case, you feeling up to putting some dinosaurs in the front door?”

“Hell yeah.”

\---

Driving was scary. Driving with Daniel, however, was thrilling.

“Dude, go faster!”

“What do you mean, faster? I’m going the speed limit.”

“Holy shit, can you take us to 7-11 real quick?”

“Shit, y-you couldn’t have told me a minute ago? Hang on.” Chris swerved the car into the right lane, sloppily turning into the parking lot at the last second. His heart was pounding.

“FUCK YEAH!” Daniel beat his chest like a gorilla. “Dude, this is awesome! Slushies anytime!”

“You do know that just because we can go places doesn’t mean we magically have the money to pay for stuff, right?”

“Oh, please.” Daniel pulled out his wallet and rifled through. “Claire gives me money for every A. Passive income. Plus, my chauffeur deserves a reward. Be right back, sweetie.” He patted Chris’s shoulder and was out the door.

Chris sighed. It was weird, being in his dad’s car. He and his dad were barely talking, since the fiasco at barbecue night. It had been months.

“I’m back! Ready for Spider-Man?” Daniel deposited two slushies in the cupholders.”

Chris grinned. “Always, partner.”

\---

It was time for a sleepover at Daniel’s, but first Chris had the arduous task of returning his dad’s keys.

“Hey, dad.”

His dad, bleary-eyed and reading on the couch, turned and smiled at him. “Hey, kiddo.” He didn’t say more.

“Uh, I’ve got your keys.”

“Oh, I see the car’s still intact. Hit anyone on your way home?”

Chris rubbed his neck. “Um, dad, can I talk to you for a sec? About… that talk we never finished.”

His dad sighed. “Listen, Chris, you don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have forced you to -”

“I’m… I’m not apologizing.”

His dad frowned. A small jolt of panic went through him, but he swallowed it down. “Then how are you feeling about it, kiddo?”

How  _ was _ he feeling about it? Chris couldn’t exactly tell - it was like a dark cloud. He didn’t know exactly what was inside, but it was nothing good. Yet - he felt it. He needed to feel it. “I’m… angry. At you.”

“For bringing that conversation up?”

“No, for… more than that. All of it. My childhood.”

“You mean… after your mother died.”

“You were a really shitty dad. The kind of shitty where I’ll just be going about my day and I remember something you did and my mood is completely ruined, and I'm just angry. Like you did it to me all over again, and it's just another strike against you I have to ignore.”

“You don’t have to ignore it. Tell me.”

“I can't get over the beer bottles. I was pretty much in charge of hiding your evidence. And how you got me used to lying, I - I’m really good at hiding my emotions from people now. Too good. And,” Chris was shaking, hard. “And, the yelling. I really can’t stand yelling anymore. And how alone I felt.” 

His dad was crying too. “Oh, Chris.”

“You really fucked me up, dad. You really did. And I never got to see you change, it was just like you were gone, for years, and one day you were back. And I'm left to think maybe I just made all of it up, like I remember wrong or I had some nightmare -”

“No, son.” His dad’s voice was thick. “I just… you’d been through enough. Part of me getting better was doing all that work on my own, not where my 10 year old kid could see.”

“You - you wanna know the worst part about it?” God, his nose was snotty. Chris felt so fragile, like a breeze could break him apart. “I still love you. You’re my dad, and you’re all I have left, and you’re trying so hard. It’s so hard to even be angry at you. I can’t imagine what you went through, but - but you put me through so much, too, and what am I supposed to do with that? What - what am I…”

His dad wrapped him in a fierce hug. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, son. I love you so much. I love you I love you I love you...”

\---

“Woah!” Daniel’s eyes were filled with alarm. “Are you okay? I thought you were just going to talk to your dad.”

“Yeah,” Chris said, wiping his nose. “I did. I’m okay.”

“Did he… did he hurt you?”

“No. Well, kinda,” he laughed. “But not really. We just had… a tough conversation. About, um… how I felt. But we’re good now. For real.”

“Alright. Get under the covers and we can talk about it during some bad horror movies, okay?”

“Hehe. Okay.”

Being in bed with Daniel like this - both of them in their pajamas, cozy and warm, no cares in the world - it made him loosen up. A dangerous amount. Daniel wrapped a muscled arm around his shoulder and everything was perfect.

Halfway through  _ Sleepaway Camp, _ Daniel started his interrogation.

“So… ‘how you felt’?”

“What?” Daniel really had interesting timing - on screen, someone was dying in the shower. Classic.

“You said you were talking with your dad about how you felt. How did you feel?”

“Um… angry, I guess. Resentful? Lots of stuff I haven’t touched for a while. It was hard.”

“You never talked about it,” Daniel said quietly.

“I never thought about it! I guess I just wanted life to be better, no matter how I felt about the past.”

“I hate when you do that,” Daniel said, rolling over.

Chris sat up. “Do what?”

“When I can’t tell what you feel, and you’re just pretending everything’s fine. I like it much better when you’re being real with me.”

Chris shoved him. “You’re not exactly easy to read either, you know!”

“That’s fair!” Daniel said, shoving Chris back. “I guess superheroes are supposed to have hidden emotions.”

Chris escalated by jumping on top of him, messing up the bed. “Heh, maybe you’re right, Danny.”

The boys were much too big to be wrestling on this poor bed in Claire’s house, but beds be damned.

“So, Chris -” Daniel grunted with the effort of trying to pin him down. Chris was hyperaware of his friend's muscles flexing as he tried his hardest. “- what caused all this boldness?”

“Oh,” he said absentmindedly. “Well, I had a good talk with a friend, and I realized I should - ha! - I should figure out how I feel and react to that, even if it’s - gah - even if it’s risky.”

Fuck yes! Chris ended up straddling his friend, both of them panting. He had Daniel’s wrists in his hands, and their lower bodies were pressed close. They were both flushed.

“So…” Daniel said, breathless. “How do you feel?”

Daniel’s eyes were wide and deep brown, and so cute, and Chris knew how he felt. He leaned down and met Daniel’s lips with his own. They were hot and gentle and firm.

_ Fuck. _

Chris leaned back, letting Daniel sit up. His best friend took a deep breath, turned off the TV, and tackled him, kissing him with abandon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most rewarding experiences are usually the most terrifying.
> 
> P.S: thank you very much for the several comments I've received in the past. They motivated me to pick this back up and to keep going when it was rough. Much love.


	9. Junior Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hiatus this time, just accidentally wrote a shitton! Feel free to split this up into two or more readings.

His best friend’s mouth was hot and sweet on his neck. Chris stifled a moan.

“Y’know, Danny, we’ll - mm, shit - we’ll be doing college apps a year from now. Isn’t that crazy?”

Daniel came up for air. “Dude, if I’m an expert in one thing, it’s living in the present. Don’t think about that right now. You’re happy where you are, right?”

Chris met his friend’s eyes. Warm, brown, familiar; looking into them felt like a hot spoonful of soup on a cold day. 

“Yeah. I am.”

The kiss that followed was softer and chaster than before. It twisted something in Chris’s stomach, running electricity down his limbs. He leaned back and -

“Hey, kiddo, sorry to interrupt-”

“Dad!”

Leave it to parents to never knock. Luckily, his dad only saw the aftermath of the kiss - Daniel smiling, Chris burning up, but nothing explicit. Thank Christ.

“I know, I know, knock next time. Anyway, I’m headin’ to the store. You need anything?”

“U-um, almond milk, please.”

“Gotcha. See ya, guys!”

Daniel held back a fit of laughter. “Bye, Mr. Eriksen.” The door had barely shut before he broke into tears.

\---

Kyle banged his hand on the diner’s table. “All right, Christopher and I would like to call this meeting to order. He and I have been in talks over some agenda items for this coming year that concern the entire gang, and as such the following minutes of this meeting shall entail the addressing of these items and the creation of an itinerary.”

Daniel cocked his head. “W-what?”

“It means,” Maegan groaned, “these two idiots are gonna get us into shit.”

“Oh! Neat.”

“Not shit,” Chris protested. “It’s just, I was thinking… senior year is gonna be so different. We’re gonna be thinking about the future, applying to college, saying goodbye. But right now, we don’t have to worry about any of that. So, like… now’s the time. All the high school experiences we want to have. No holding back.”

Kyle clapped beside him.

Daniel was buzzing with excitement. “You’re a genius, Chris. This is gonna be like when you came to that party with me, but, like… good this time! What are some of the items on the list?”

“Homecoming, prom, college visits, and… some things that are more out there. Um, I was wondering if we could maybe try Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Jesus, you guys are serious about this,” Maegan said, rubbing her temples. “You couldn’t have told me before I took AP Bio? Ugh. Anyway, it’s August, so the first thing on that list is gonna be homecoming. Daniel, do you think you can score us some vodka before then?”

“Yes. Yes yes yes I  _ definitely _ can score us some vodka. If only to see Chris drunk!”

“Awesome, thanks. The rest of the things are intriguing, but should probably be pushed off. We can space them throughout the year, alright?”

Chris smiled. “Thanks, Maegan.”

“And… one more thing.” Kyle leveled a serious gaze at the group. “We need a hard rule for this year, if Operation Goodyear is a go. We can’t have drama. No fights, unconditional support, no matter what.” He was misty-eyed. “I don’t want the gang splitting up under this pressure, okay?”

Daniel and Chris avoided eye contact.

“Okay.”

“This year is gonna be so fucking awesome.”

\---

The summer had been good for Chris, and better for his wallet. Working for a couple hours every morning gave him something to do, something that kept his sleep schedule from falling to pieces, and more cash than he knew what to do with.

This particular morning found him idly designing a new poster for the kids’ corner while Sabrina labored away at the system’s computer.

“Hey, Sabrina? I might need to cut my hours a lot for the school year.”

Her face switched from focused to concerned in an instant. “Oh no! Is something wrong? Is there anything I can do?”

“No! No, this is for good reasons, not bad. I’ve really liked working here, I swear! It’s just that me and my friends are planning to make the most out of our time together, and I, um -”

Sabrina giggled. “You shouldn’t be spending time with your friends when you’re all about to leave. I get it. That is a good reason!”

Chris sighed, looking down at his poster. It was weird, being in a good enough place where he was picking between things he loved, instead of searching for something he even liked.

“I don’t regret spending these summer mornings with you, though. I think you’re the best coworker I’ll ever have!”

“Chris _ topher!” _ Sabrina looked near tears. “Come here.” Her hug squeezed the air out of his lungs.

“Any advice on what to do with my friends? I just want to graduate with no regrets.”

“Road. Trip. Road trip! You drive! And you’re a good driver. That would be awesome for you. Traveling without your dad will get you used to being on your own, and teach you a lot about yourself, I promise.”

“Huh. Okay! I’ll think about it.”

Sabrina glanced at the staff room door leading to the main hall of the library. “Also, you should get really really high.”

Chris went red. “Sabs!”

“Hehe, I just think it’s a good learning experience! But be sure to do it somewhere safe with responsible friends, okay? Your first time should be comfortable.”

“Oh, my god,” Chris moaned, covering his face. 

_ “All _ your first times should be comfortable,” she said, nudging him. “Don’t think I haven’t seen that boy who likes to wait for you outside -”

“No!!! Shut up!!!” Chris dashed out the door and into the bookshelves, safe under the mandatory quiet, leaving Sabrina to die laughing behind him.

\---

The first day of junior year was weird. Maybe it was that Chris was older than half the students at BCHS. Maybe it was that your third time doing something leaves you a lot more comfortable than the first two times. Maybe it was knowing that no matter what, three very cool people had his back. Whatever it was made him feel confident. 

Parking in the school’s lot in his own car was cool, even though the walk from his spot to his first class was nearly as long as his walk to school was. And talking to Daniel, even though he was surrounded by his soccer dudebros, made him feel better, even though it was a short exchange. By the time he sat down next to Maegan in AP Chemistry, Chris felt like he could do anything.

Until he failed the pop quiz his aggressively Italian teacher gave him.

She looked unamused at the class. “If you’d done the summer readings, you would have known how to do the titration redox reactions. This is a wake up call.” Ashley Johnson on the other side of the classroom cringed and yawned.

In response, Ms. Martinelli slapped her desk. “WAKE UP!”

Chris and Maegan looked at each other. Daniel lifting things with his mind had made him think anything was possible… but AP Chemistry was well on its way to disproving that theory.

\---

By the time Chris got to lunchtime, his confidence had taken a beating like no other. AP Chemistry was just the primer - Pre-Calculus, AP US History, and AP Statistics had kept up the heat. After getting his usual sandwich from the cafeteria, Chris trudged his way to the courtyard - notorious for seating the popular upperclassmen, and where Daniel was sitting.

As usual Daniel was surrounded by the regular suspects, whose names Chris thought he knew but wasn’t sure - the types of classes they took were awfully different. A lot about them was awfully different. They both knew it, too - a basketball player he thought was named Chase eyed him cautiously.

“Chris! Hey.” Daniel seemed oblivious to it all. “Take a seat, dude!”

“U-um, hey.” Chris lingered in front of the table - in order to sit, he’d have to jam himself between two people, and he didn’t have the confidence for that even before Chemistry.

Another guy looking uncomfortable spoke across the table to Daniel. “Is he, uh, here to talk to you about something?”

“What? No, guys, this is my best friend. Chris Eriksen? He’s the one I’m always talking about.”

“Hey, Chris!” A girl whose voice was familiar spoke up. It took a second, but… it was Francesca Pontaro, from freshman Geometry. They’d spoken at the disaster party he’d gone to - he remembered she was quiet in class but a lot more bubbly outside of it.

Chris didn’t get to reply - the-guy-who-he-thought-was-Chase was angry. “Dude, I think you should probably tell him to get another table. He’s kinda…” His harsh eyes scanned Chris. “Well, don’t you think he’d probably be better off somewhere else?”

“What?

_ Shit. _ “Danny, it’s fine, really, I’ll just go to the art room -”

“- hey, Blake? I think maybe you’re the one who’d be better off somewhere else.” Daniel’s eyes were full of fire.

“Wh- you- for,” Blake-not-Chase spluttered. He sized up Daniel for a beat, and then shook his head. “Maybe you’re right. Later, dude.”

He got up and shoved past Chris, heading in the direction of the upperclassman cafeteria. A painful number of people got up and followed after him, leaving a circle half the size, about 5 people. Chris stood awkwardly, burning with shame.

Daniel got up and rubbed him on the back, almost making Chris tip over. “Sorry about that, dude.”

Francesca gave him a reassuring smile. “Yeah - Blake can be a dick. His parents are getting a divorce. We let him be an asshole to us, but he shouldn’t have done that. On the bright side, now there’s a spot next to me.” Chris took it gratefully.

“Thanks. Happy to be here.”

“Now,” Daniel said, proudly. “Where were we?”

\---

Maegan took a sip of black coffee and sighed happily, like a freak. Chris tasted his own mocha, grateful for things like milk and chocolate and sugar.

“Thanks for driving me here, Chris. Jealous of you and your fancy car.”

“I assure you it’s not fancy. Dad got it for $500 from an old friend - he says I’m allowed to crash it.”

“Chris.” Her serious stare could have been intimidating if he didn’t know her so well. “You got freedom for five hundred dollars. Be grateful.” She stretched and leaned back, eyes shut. “I can’t wait for college.” 

“Hey! Ouch.”

“Ahahaha, sorry. No offense. It’s just frustrating to have to ask a friend for a ride to a coffee shop just to get some peace while studying. Classic Filipino family: ‘get perfect grades, and also deal with our chaos 24/7.’ I can’t help thinking about what it’ll be like when I’m on my own.” She looked apologetic, wistful - it softened her features. Chris got the urge to draw.

“You’d do really well at college,” Chris said fondly. “I can see it now.”

“Thanks, Chris. That means a lot. You know I’ll miss you and the gang though, right?”

“Whoa! Can I get that in writing? My younger self would never believe it.”

“Dude, can you remember when we became friends? It’s been, what, 5 years?”

“What?” Chris did mental math. “I’ve known you since you moved here.”

“Well, we knew each other, but it took us a while to get close, right?”

Chris laughed. “If ‘getting close’ was the marker, I’d say we’ve been friends for two months, tops.”

“Shut up!” She laughed, but Maegan had a faraway look in her eyes. “You know, you guys are actually the closest I’ve been to anyone, really.”

“Really? Thanks.”

“Yeah. I had friends before we started eating lunch together, but I was never… I don’t know, real with them? It’s hard to explain. The funny thing is I never really meant to become friends with you and Kyle in the first place.”

“You make that clear quite often,” Chris chuckled.

“No, I’m serious! We’d spoken often enough before then that I was interested, and then Daniel moved here and you became really mysterious, the way it was like you guys were sharing a secret. I started hanging out with you just to figure out what it was, but then… I kinda got dragged in.”

“Well… I’m glad you did.”

Maegan hid her smile with her cup. “Thanks. I never figured out what the secret was, but I don’t really care anymore.”

“Ha, good. I don’t really know what I could tell you anyway.” Chris blushed. “Anyway, time for Chem homework?”

That stare of Maegan’s again. “You’re lying - you’re terrible at that, by the way. But I told you, I won’t press it. Let’s do some titrations, motherfucker.”

\---

First on the junior year list - Homecoming. The plans were decided in a roundtable before school.

“I hereby call this meeting to order,” Kyle said, banging a hammer dangerously close to Daniel’s fingers.

“Uhhh, buddy?” Chris asked. “I think having that on campus is against school code.”

Daniel gave Kyle a high five. “Dude, do you really want to say that to the guy with a hammer?”

“It’s a gavel. And homecoming is coming home - by that, I mean it’s soon!” Kyle was buzzing a lot for 8am. “What’s the plan?”

Maegan yawned. “Way I see it, whatever we do, we’ll have dinner, so the question is the activity afterwards. Do you guys want to go to the dance?”

“No,” said three voices in unison.

“Thought so. So, we can try to do a party or something, or go out.”

“What about going downtown and doing something there? We could do an escape room,” Chris said.

“Escape room?” Daniel and Kyle looked at each other, piqued.

“They lock us in a room and make us solve puzzles to escape,” he explained.

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” chanted Kyle.

Daniel had stars in his eyes. “It’ll be like this show I watched as a kid,  _ Inspector Spacetime! _ I’m so down.”

Maegan shrugged. “Guess it’s decided.”

A few weeks and a suit later, Chris found himself inside of a “log cabin.”

The college student running the room had seemed nonplussed about their formal attire. “Homecoming? You guys couples?”

Chris and Daniel looked at each other, Kyle and Maegan doing the same. “What? No!”

“Fine with me.” He looked at his clipboard. “Wendigos are gonna eat you unless you escape the cabin in time. You have… Until Dawn. Ooooooooh,” he’d said, before proceeding to slam the door and lock it.

“Well then,” Chris said. Maegan looked as amused as him, but Daniel was already off searching a wall for clues.

“Find anything interesting, guys?” Kyle asked from another area.

“Other than suspected copyright infringement? Nope,” Chris responded, looking at the third side of the room.

“Oh, come on, Chris. All horror is just the same tropes played with. I mean, most stories are just recycling tropes, maybe inverting some, for cheap, unoriginal entertainment,” Maegan said, looking at the fourth wall.

“Ooh! Found this note,” Daniel yelled, bringing the conversation to a halt. “Hurry up, guys. I want to beat the record.”

\---

Three hours later, Kyle’s mom dropped Chris and Daniel off with a warm goodbye. The boys’ shirts were sticky with sweat - they’d escaped the room, but at what cost?

They split up to their separate houses to shower and change into their PJs before reuniting in Chris’s room for a moment.

Daniel leapt onto the bed. “Hey best friend! Have fun?” His breath was hot, his arms trapping Chris in.

“Yeah. The plan’s going well, don’t you think?”

“It really is.” Daniel broke the tension with a kiss, soft at first, before deepening with a passion.

Chris melted into it, embracing the warmth inside and outside. Daniel was the best fireplace ever. He sighed happily. “This is perfect. Today’s going so well.”

He kissed his friend’s neck while Daniel rubbed his back. “For sure. This part’s almost as good as the escape room.”

Chris turned the kiss into a bite - out of vengeance, but Daniel just let out a tantalizing moan. “Fuck you.”

“Ooh! Filthy mouth, huh?”

Chris blushed, grinning against his friend. “You like it.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said. “I do.”

His hands were warm and firm and comforting. Chris barely made it to the afterparty.

\---

“So we’re dancing, singing, eating, you know - karaoke stuff. And me and Sumin and Soyeoung are trying to make sure everyone feels included, we’re giving people soju -”

“Soju?” asked Chris.

“Oh, I still forget it’s rare over here. And you’re 16, ha,” Kyu Won said with a laugh. “Soju is like this sweet alcohol that Koreans love - it tastes amazing, but that's the trap. Our friend Greg, who we haven’t hung out with that much, we keep giving him drinks and trying to dance with him, make him feel good, you know?” She paused to chuckle. “And half-way through, he’s just totally  _ out _ on the couch of the place. Poor wasted Sumin kept trying to get him to dance even though he was straight up asleep! We leave him alone - eventually - and 45 minutes later, the taxi’s arrived, so I’m slapping him, begging him to wake up. There wasn’t enough alcohol to be dangerous, so I’m not worried about anything except that he’d be left behind! But as I’m doing that, he just springs to his feet, right as rain. Turns out, he was completely sober and awake the whole time - he just got tired of us forcing him to dance!”

The room: Kyu Won, his dad, and Chris, burst into laughter. It was still really weird to see his dad laugh so hard and smile so freely, but it was a good kind of weird.

His dad was red and short of breath. “That’s - ha - that’s good advice for college, Chris!”

Kyu Won punched his shoulder. “Oh, you’d know about being too sleepy to have some fun!”

Chris didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or amused at the innuendo, but seeing his dad’s blush made him collapse into giggles. “I like you, Kyu Won! You should come around more often.”

She gave him a fist bump. “That sounds great. I like you too, Chris. This one -” she gestured to his dad - “I could take or leave.” They kissed, tender..

“Alright,” his dad said with a contented sigh. “Time for me to call it a night.”

“Works for me - I’ve got a presentation tomorrow.” Kyu Won wiggled her fingers. “The magic of ~consulting~!”

Chris gave her a hug. “Have a good night.”

“Drive safe, sweetie!”

Even though she left, the warm atmosphere in their house remained. His dad remained where he sat, eyes shut with a smile. The fireplace softly crackled.

“That was great! You were right, I do get along with her,” Chris said, polishing off his hot cocoa.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me. Really.”

“I like this, Dad.” 

“Me too, kid. Me too.’

\---

Chris rubbed his hands together, gathering his courage. As dungeon master he needed to maintain absolute control, or else the game and reality itself would spin out.

“Okay. Hello, everyone. Since this is a one-off, day-long campaign, I’m changing up the usual 5th edition rules. First, because nobody here likes math, damage is gonna be simplified a lot. Second, because you guys aren’t familiar with races and spells and stuff -”

“Wait,” Daniel interrupted. “I wanna be white! Heh, easy mode.”

Maegan rolled her eyes. “He meant like species.”

“Oh! I wanna be a white  _ human _ then, please.”

“Me too,” Kyle chimed in.

Chris shook his head and continued. “Anyway, I’ve prepared character sheets for the three of you. They come preloaded with stats, skills, and backstories so you guys can role play! I made them so they’d fit into the story, but also close to what you’d probably want to do - probably betray and kill each other - so it shouldn’t be too uncomfortable for anyone. Take a look now, and let me know if you have any questions.”

“Ahh,” Kyle moaned. “My intelligence is super low! How can I get it higher?”

“Stop staring at Taylor Finch in English. Now then... let’s begin.”

~~~

The kingdom of Diphtheria is under attack! From the north, barbarian tribes build alliances and prepare to topple the dwarf king Narcus Greystone. The king does not rally his forces - the only rallying he does is to his nightly royal feasts, where mead and hen flow as freely as blood on the battlefield. His people falter, unsure whether to believe his reassurances or to fear the northern threat.

Opposing him is the frost duchess Cornelia, known for ruling her duchy in the north with brutal efficiency. She parlays and parlays with the king to no avail, and those in her court fear what she may be capable of after being so oft rebuffed.

When nobles clash, it is the lowborn who suffer most. The duchess has taken a particular interest in a manservant of hers, the boy Lycan; we find him answering her summons.

“Dani- Lycan, you are a loyal servant, right?” Her cold voice reverberates in her hall.

“Sure, I guess,” Lycan chuckles. “Whatcha want?”

“That idiot dumbass pre-Algebra failing king Narcus Greystone is going to ruin the kingdom, Lycan. We need to do something.”

“We? I’m like a servant, right? Let me check - yup, definitely just a little dude. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because apparently I’m having the king over for a feast of seasons and I want to kill him. So… um… how are we gonna do that?”

The voice of God rang down from the heavens. “However you want!”

“Oh… okay. Um… I’m terrible at improv… since you’re a servant, you can… poison him!”

From leagues and leagues away the king cries out. “No! I stop them!”

A nearby servant shakes his head. “No,  _ king, _ you have no way of hearing them or knowing this, so perhaps your highness should be quiet.”

“Guards! Execute him!”

The servant shrugged as he’s dragged away. “Allllright. Anyway…”

The focus returns to the duchess’s great hall. Lycan’s brow furrowed, then setting with intensity. “I’ll do it! Otherwise the game would be pretty boring, right?”

“Ah, yes, the game… of thrones. Can we do a time skip, Chris?”

On those odd words, weeks go by, and Cornelia and her loyal manservant Lycan are able to meet  _ in private _ without the lazy king Narcus overhearing.

The day finally comes for the feast of seasons. Court musicians blow their horns -  _ stop laughing, Daniel _ \- and noble children dance, while serfs gather around the castle in order to see the king’s procession arrive.

“‘Sup fuckers?”

The duchess gasped. “My king, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to speak fancy, like this - I welcome… thee! To my court!” She took a deep bow, and then said “fucker” under her breath.

“Thanks! There isn’t any poison here, is there?”

Roll: 5

Roll: 16

“Why… no!” The duchess exclaims with absolute confidence. “I want only for you and your nation’s safety.”

The king is convinced, because he’s not a metagaming asshole. “Fine. Give me the hen or whatever.”

The feast proceeds, with an unremarkable servant among the dining staff among them. He slips out to talk to the king.

“Hey, king! Um… psst… the pudding has poison in it?”

“What? Awww… you know I love pudding, you dick. Anyway, thanks.” The king stands. “You bitch! You told me there was no poison!”

Cornelia groans. “You wispy-mustached fucks.”

“Hey,” Lycan protested. “Shaving is a hassle and possibly dangerous.”

Cornelia asks herself what to do. The king seems strong and well-equipped, albeit lacking some wisdom and intelligence. After thinking a moment, Cornelia attempts to make a decision that makes even God pause.

“Nope! I’m sure.”

The voice of God tells Cornelia’s spirit to go to a different room to prevent metagaming, and she obliges. Cornelia herself does the same, escaping out the hall’s doors.

“What the fuck? Is she allowed to do that?”

“God says yes,” said Narcus Greystone. “Well come on, let’s track her down and fuck her shit up!” he said kingly.

They discover she’s escaped on horseback - Lycan and the king mount up and give chase. The journey takes them until sunrise, but they finally track her to a small inn.

A petite innmaid approached, blushing at the sight of two strapping gentlemen.

“O-oh! Sire, you bear a mighty resemblance to our highness the king!”

“Pssh. Work on your girl voice, dude,” the king responded  _ rudely. _

Roll: 4

“How rude!” said the innkeeper in response, raising her prices. “Now what can I do for you two travelers?”

The more charming and unassuming manservant stepped forward. “Ma’am, haft thou, um, seen a bitch?”

“Perhaps! Also, we don’t talk like that. And only paying customers would be able to access her room.”

The king nudges his comrade. “Hold up dude, I got this. In that case, I’d like to order one alcohol! Heh, got em.”

He hands her a gold piece - oops, raised prices - three gold pieces and in return receives an ale.

“Jeez, inflation, am I right? Anyway, which room?”

The maid smiled sweetly at them. “Oh, rooms are only for room owners. You’d need to buy a room.”

Lycan facepalms. Roll: 8. He does 1 damage to himself. “For fuck’s sake!”

The king, visibly agitated, unsheathes his axe. “Okay, sorry Chris, this is getting boring.” The king proceeds to assault the poor, sexy, inn maid.

Roll: 17.

She is left headless and disappointed - everyone’s a critic.

“Can I still drink the ale?” God says why not, and he glugs it down, becoming a little tipsy. “Hell yes! Let’s move.”

The pair of ruthless rogues proceed to the rooms - all but one is locked. 

“That must be the one,” said Lycan. “Can you cut it down with your axe?”

The king once again reaches for his now-bloodied axe, but finds his hands wobbling. Suddenly his body is very heavy - his knees start wobbling as well, and then give out. The king collapses in a heap, suddenly dead. For a moment it’s as if he’s about to speak, but he is silenced as if the hand of God himself were clapped over his mouth.

“Allllllright then,” Lycan said, picking up the axe. Despite his middling strength, he turns the door to splinters, finding Cornelia within. She seems ready for him, aiming at him with her bow, arrow nocked.

“Sup?”

“Lycan! You betrayed me!”

“Yup. Sorry, your plan was kind of boring for the game. Of… thrones, I mean.”

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t shoot you dead right here and now.”

Lycan grew up with an older brother often subject to these sorts of difficult situations. Having learned from these experiences, he uses this wisdom to… try and seduce Cornelia.

“Because I love you.”

Roll: 1 - critical fail!

Lycan attempts to lie to the duchess. However, he fails so hard at lying, that he commits the ultimate opposite of lying - telling the truth. He really  _ is _ in love with Cornelia. Spending time in her court, seeing her intelligence, her ruthlessness, the way she bribed the inn maid to poison the king - he can’t help his infatuation.

“You… do?”

“I guess I fucking do! Let’s bang,” Lycan says, rushing to her side.

This sets up a ridiculously easy shot for Cornelia, who - Roll: 16 - shoots him dead with her bow and arrow.

With the king’s ally and all witnesses dead, this ends the game… of thrones. The duchess rules over the land with an iron fist, and… a winter… falls over the land… evermore…

~~~

“Chris?” Daniel questioned.

“I… I planned so much lore, and so many characters… I was so ready for anything, anything, and you… you two… let Maegan kill you… on the day of the feast…”

Kyle shrugged. “Them’s the breaks.”

“I… I… you…”

“Oh god,” said Maegan. “We broke him. We broke Chris.”

“It’s… the game… over…” Chris muttered, unintelligible and gobsmacked,

Daniel placed one muscled arm under Chris’s knees and another underneath his arm, hauling his best friend up bridal-style. Chris hung limply in his friend’s grasp. “Kyle, get the car. Come on buddy, let’s get burgers.”

\---

Winter finals had just finished, and snowflakes fluttered delicately to the ground. All around the world shone with brilliant white. Chris had to squint to see. He was armored in his finest coat and snow pants, things he’d worn for years now and carried memories of days with Daniel much like this one, and of dashing inside the Reynolds’ house for cocoa and movies.

As Daniel got to work on their snowman (by now he could easily use his powers to make one, but that was no fun), Chris looked at his gloves and giggled.

“What are you smiling about, dummy?”

“It’s just… humans try so hard to avoid dying from the cold by inventing gloves and pants, and we use them to go outside and sit in the snow.”

Daniel stood from his half-built snowman and grabbed Chris by the waist. He lowered his scarf. “Dude, you are so fucking stupid,” he said before pulling Chris in for a delicate kiss. Daring, considering they were outside, but the snow masked things enough for some risks to be taken.

“Then again… why do we even need gloves? When you do that, I barely feel the cold.” Chris didn’t know where his boldness came from, but he didn’t regret it.

Daniel blushed and looked away, ducking down.  _ Shit. _ Had Chris fucked something up. Their arrangement - best friends, maybe more - was delicate, something to be tip-toed around, not -

A snowball smacked Chris’s shoulder.

“Super Wolf… you have awakened an ancient power you know not how to handle. Have you any words before you meet your ignominious demise?”

“Yeah,” Daniel said. “What does ignominious mean?”

“Oh! It means, like, shameful -” Another snowball interrupted his definition. “You are so dead!”

The boys trudged into the Reynolds’ house 30 minutes later, soaked, half-frozen, and laughing like madmen.

“Oh,” Claire moaned. “Look at you two! Walking in here, total messes, minutes before we’re due to leave. You never change, Daniel.” She kissed his forehead.

“Actually, Grandma, I’m 7 years older and know how to clean snow off the floor, so that’s a change. Don’t worry about a thing - just get ready for your trip!”

Chris smiled. “I’ll make sure he does a good job, Mrs. Reynolds. I promise that the house will look better than ever when you come back.”

“Oh, I believe  _ you,  _ Chris. Always the responsible one, unlike this little hurricane.” She turned and yelled up the stairs. “Stephen! Are you packed yet, honey?”

A voice careened down the stairs. “Just grabbing a few more things, dear!”

“Men,” she sighed. “You know, he’s really nervous for this trip. A weekend with our daughter, after all this time… for once, he’s the one trying to make things perfect.”

“What about you?” asked Chris.

“Me? Well… sometimes things change, and they can never be the same again. And all there is to do is learn to appreciate it, or leave it be.” Her words were harsh, but there was a thickness to her voice. “We’re just glad she’s happy. And that she’s involved with her children again.”

Daniel seemed uncomfortable, but Chris squeezed his hand. “It’s never too late for a relationship to improve. Especially between people as great as you guys.”

Claire gave him a wordless hug. “Now Daniel, only Chris is to come over. Remember to feed the fish, and there are frozen meals in the fridge. Don’t answer the door and -”

“I got it, grandma!”

“And one more thing,” Stephen said, breathless from carrying his luggage downstairs.

“We love you!”

Soon the Reynolds were out the door, and the boys were left alone. “It’s go time.”

\---

Unexpectedly easy parts of planning a party included getting alcohol, snacks, and partygoers. Unexpectedly difficult parts included nearly every other part, such as choosing music (who was Rocky and why was he doing things As $oon As Possible?), decorating (“What do you mean, no decorations? It’s a party!”), and choosing what to wear (he gave up and put on a hoodie and jeans). Yet between Chris’s diligence and Daniel’s ability to calm him down, by 9:30 a good crowd of people were milling about and chatting, right here in Daniel’s house.

Chris was looking around shocked when Daniel clapped him on the back. “I think we did it, dude! Time to relax and party! You good?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I am. We really did it! But… promise you won’t drink too much?” Chris eyed the red solo cup already in his friend’s hand. He hadn't forgotten his last party with Daniel.

“You’ve got a best friend’s promise. Go have fun, okay? I’m gonna mingle.”

“Okay,” Chris responded, and Daniel was gone. It tugged at his heart. It was selfish, but Chris mostly just wanted to spend more time with him, not watch him talk to his popular friends. Even if Daniel had insisted on keeping the anti-Chris friends away from the crowd.

“Hey, lunch buddy!”

“Oh! Hey, Francesca!” She looked amazing. In stark contrast to her muted looks at school, she’d gone all out, wearing a blue dress and bold eyeliner - how was she not freezing? It occurred to Chris that if he weren’t gay, he’d probably be spending this party trying to kiss her, instead of constantly wondering what his possibly straight best friend was doing. “Um… you look awesome, by the way.”

“Hey, thanks! I mean this as a compliment: you look a lot more comfortable than usual.”

“That’s a pretty low bar,” he joked, earning a laugh.

“Possibly, but it’s still a good look on you. I remember this one party you were at and you looked like a fish out of water. Oh, but I always respected that, getting out of your comfort zone.”

“Ha! That was my only party. I was just there for Daniel.”

“Oh, yeah, your other half,” she laughed. “You know, he was actually supposed to be my date to that party. I thought he was gonna ask me out for real, but then you came, and you were  _ all _ he talked about.”

“O-oh.” Chris’s face was on fire. “I’m sorry about that, I-I didn’t know.”

“Don’t be! You’re really cool, Chris. I see what Daniel sees - I wouldn’t want to be the reason you split up.”

_ Split up? _

“Oh, there’s Ashley! Sorry Chris, I’ll catch you later - shots time.”

“See ya, Fran.” God, when would he stop being so awkward at parties? Maybe sometime in his 60s.

Thankfully Kyle and Maegan were present, albeit next to a disturbing amount of red solo cups.

“Hey, guys!”

“Chris!!!! Chris! Hi! Hi,” Maegan smiled.

“U-uh, hi, Maegan,” Chris said, looking pointedly at Kyle.

“Don’t look at me, dude! Meggo said that her swim season’s on break and this is her only chance to get wasted. I’m just the babysitter.”

“Y’know, Chris, I’ve never told you this, but you have a  _ really  _ nice butt for someone that doesn’t work out. I swim 5 times a week and - and  _ nothing. _ It’s really unfair. You have to share some of your… twink magic with me.”

“Woah there, cowgirl,” Kyle said, handing her a glass of water. “Sorry about that - she’s been giving compliments all night. She said I had the easy charm of book 1 Jacob Black from  _ Twilight.” _

“Hm,” Chris said. “I kind of see that, actually.”

“And you do have a nice butt, dude! Anyway, I think my plan for tonight is just to listen to this color commentary and look respectfully at women. What about you?”

“Uhhh… not fuck up? I don’t actually know what people are supposed to do at parties.”

“Absolutely nothing! There’s no protocol whatsoever! It’s fucking bizarre!”

Kyle snapped. “Amen, Maegan.”

“Um, in that case…” Chris said. “I guess I’ll just find Daniel and walk around with him.”

“Godspeed, buddy,” Kyle said with a smile. He seemed to be having a lot of fun, in his own Kyle way.

Chris found Daniel playing Smash Bros with some soccer guys he sorta-recognized. “Chris!! Buddy!! We’re playing dare Smash. Each match, the person in first place gives the person in last place a dare. You gotta join.”

“Alright,” Chris agreed. “But only because I know I’ll never lose to you.”

One of the soccer guys handed him a controller, and it was on. The alcohol didn’t seem to affect things much - it was actually a pretty competitive game. Chris’s pocket Zelda and Marth were enough to keep him hovering around 2nd and 3rd. He guessed playing with Daniel probably wasn’t the best practice, as a dude playing Ganondorf was absolutely shredding.

First round, Ganon-man dared the last place guy, Stefan, to ask out Maegan. Judging by the way Stefan returned halfway through the second round, Chris guessed it hadn’t gone well.

Second round, the same guy won and Daniel ended up losing, with no Stefan to shield him from last place. This time, the dare was to run outside and do a cartwheel in the snow, which he did without hesitation, falling on his ass.

The third round was hard fought - Daniel died early, still terrible with Ness’ tough recovery, but Chris tried out Pikachu vs Ganondorf and their one-on-one lasted a couple minutes. But in the end, Chris emerged victorious, letting out uncharacteristic whoops.

“Woo! Alright Danny, dare time.”

“Hit me, Eriksen. You know I can handle anything.”

Chris tried to think of something devious, something that would be tough but fun. Suddenly, it occurred to him. “You have to try to kiss the hottest person at this party tonight.” It was genius. Chris smirked at him, waiting for him to ask Francesca -

“Easy.” Daniel climbed in his friend’s lap, and, without asking, lowered his face and gave Chris a soft, drawn-out, torturous kiss that elicited cheers from around them. Daniel drew back with a shit-eating grin. Chris’s face was completely red.

“Damn, dude,” he heard someone say. It felt like all the eyes in the world on him - it was exactly like the party freshman year. Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

Chris left the game with some dumb excuse, escaping to the most comforting place in the house, Daniel’s room. He didn’t care how it looked. He had to get some air.

The music from the party dampened to reverb and free of the crush of the crowd, Chris could finally take a deep breath, but it didn’t stop his mind from racing. What the fuck was Daniel thinking? He didn’t have the confidence, the boldness, the popularity his friend had to be able to pull stunts like that. Hell, he was pretty sure half the people downstairs were just waiting for the excuse to call him a slur - to see the gay kid corrupting their star player was only gonna make things worse. Chris shoved his face into Daniel’s pillow. Why was this all so hard? Why couldn’t he just be normal?

The door opened. “I, uh. Thought you might be here.” Daniel’s voice was unusually small. “Can I sit?”

“Of course. I-it’s your room.”

“It’s yours too.” Chris hated the way those words made his heart swell. “About… down there.”

“I thought you promised you weren’t gonna get drunk, Danny.”

“I didn’t! I’m not.” It looked like every muscle in his body was tense. “I’m fucking things up, between us. Aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not - you could never.”

“Then why are you hiding?”

Chris didn’t know. “I’m not hiding from you. At least, not  _ this _ you.”

“This… me?”

“You know what I mean, the… the version of you that only I get. It’s like, there’s party, soccer Daniel, who likes drinking, and pretty girls, like… Francesca… and is friends with the weirdo for some reason. And then there’s the you when we’re alone, who’s sweet, and loves Power Bear and stories, and… me. Like… I don’t even know if you’re straight or not. And I’m afraid to know the answer.”

“Well, that’s good, because I don’t know, either.”

Chris couldn’t hide the hurt in his eyes. “Then what are we doing, Daniel? What is this?”

Danny was trembling. “Chris. I care about you. Every version of Daniel that exists cares about you. But I don’t… I don’t have all the answers. And I don’t know if I don’t have the answers because I’m confused, or because I-I’m scared of the truth.”

“I’m here. I’m with you. You can tell me anything, just… tell me.”

“Chris, I love you.” Daniel’s eyes shone. “Not like someone should love his best friend, but I do. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a really long time, and I am terrified I’m gonna fuck it up with you like I’ve fucked it up with everyone else I’ve ever loved.”

He wouldn’t meet Chris’s eyes. “I love you too. O-obviously. I mean, who wouldn’t, right?”

“Don’t joke about that.” Daniel swiped at his tears. “You don’t get it. I’m only 17, and I’ve already lost a lot of people, dude. Like more than most people d-do in their entire lives. T-the only common factor is  _ me. _ There’s no way something isn’t wrong with me. I have to take pills to even work half-right, and…”

“Hey, shh, shh,” Chris wrapped his arms around his best friend. “I hear you. I can only begin to imagine how you feel, Danny. But I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m here.”

“T-thanks,” he said with a sniffle. “You know, that’s actually the reason I haven’t gotten my license? I can’t bear the thought of getting a little distracted for a second and then hurting someone. I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

Chris couldn’t help but laugh. “Dude, where were you last year? I went through the exact same thing.”

“Really?! Shit. What did you do about it?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought about being able to do stuff with you, and it was worth it. I try my best to pay attention, and I’m ready to take responsibility if something goes wrong. That’s all I can really do.”

He didn’t know what he’d done to earn a smile from Daniel, but he’d do it a thousand times to be able to see it again. “Thanks. I, uh, feel a bit better now. You can ignore all that stuff I said earlier, it was stupid.”

“It wasn’t stupid! Though… some of it kind of sounded like a talk for your brother and your mom and not me. Though I’m happy to listen.”

He sighed. “You’re right. You just… you have to promise that if I start doing something to mess this up, you’ll tell me and give me a chance to fix it, alright?”

“I promise.”

Daniel nodded. “Cool. Thanks. Um… in that case. Chris, would you be my boyfriend?”

Chris’s stomach exploded into butterflies. “Like in public and stuff?”

“Anywhere. If you want.”

“O-of course I want.” He was breathless. “But what about your friends from soccer, people might think you’re gay -”

“I don’t care what they think. I care about you, and being able to call you my boyfriend.”

“Sure,” Chris gulped. “I’d like that.”

Daniel got an odd expression on his face. Chris was so fixated on it he almost didn’t realize he was floating.

“Danny! Woah,” he yelped.

“Heh. Sorry, I got a bit excited.” Chris slowly sunk down onto Daniel’s lap. “You have no idea how close I was to causing an earthquake just now. You, uh, really make me nervous.

_ “I _ make  _ you _ nervous?!” This night couldn’t get any more weird. It was perfect. He leaned against his boyfriend’s chest. “Danny… you know that if I could give you the world, I would, right?”

“You already are.”

\---

Intermolecular forces. Ideal Gas equation. Acid-base titration. Entropy, enthalpy, and Gibbs free energy. It took all of Chris’s concentration to keep the chemistry concepts in his brain, at the forefront so he could pull them out on demand. If he stopped and thought about it, it was baffling how much he’d know for that month before he’d forget it all and move on to physics - but he didn’t stop and think about it, because he had a practice test to ace.

Daniel walked back in the house while he and Maegan were doing a practice test and Kyle was doing... something. Maybe doodling? His boyfriend leaned next to him, silently respectful of the AP practice intensity. He simply dropped off the hot mocha. Not taking his eyes off the paper, Chris turned and absentmindedly gave his boyfriend a thank-you peck.

Maegan gasped. Kyle whooped, and then stopped suddenly.

“Noooo! You were supposed to wait until the summer! Damn it, Maegan. Here.” He had the audacity to fish out a $20 in front of the couple.

Maegan did not look happy about it. She threw one pen at Daniel, then two at Chris. “That’s for not telling us properly, and  _ that’s _ for making me find out during the most stressful practice test of my life. Bitches. We’ll talk in… 30 minutes and 42 seconds.”

“Hold on a sec,” Kyle protested.

Maegan turned on him with murderous intent.

“Neeeever mind. Good luck, heheh. Heh.”

\---

It was nice to be able to hold hands in the diner. Chris squeezed his boyfriend’s and continued his explanation.

“I swear this is recent! Me and Danny are still figuring things out, and we didn’t want to fuck up the group dynamic until we did that. Nothing to do with trust or secrets, and I’m sorry for leaving you guys out like that.”

“It’s fine,” Maegan said. “Other than the coming out method, I mean.”

Kyle laughed. “‘’Fuck up the group dynamic?’ Bro, this is business as usual. Thanks for telling us.”

Daniel blushed. “Was it… was it obvious?”

“Danny,” Chris grimaced. “People thought that we were dating as early as the party.” 

“They did?” He sighed. “Well, at least now I can do this with no worries!” He planted kisses on Chris’s face.

Chris giggled. “You’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets.”

Kyle  _ d’awwwed, _ but Maegan gagged. “Keep that shit in the treehouse.”

“Wait,” Kyle said. “Have you… have you done it in the treehouse?”

“Well…”

\---

“Dad, I’m used to doing this kind of thing on my own. I promise I’ll let you know when you can help, okay?”

“You sure?” His dad scratched his head. The twilight glow softened his features, making his hesitance look mournful. “Alright. But… can you at least tell me what you’re thinking?”

What  _ was _ Chris thinking? “Well… the way I see it, there’s two routes for me that make sense, and they’re not mutually exclusive. I can try to go all in on art, as an illustration major. I can also go all in on design, which is a little more practical and could get me a stable job somewhere if I wanted. Or I could do one as a major and one as a minor.”

Surprisingly, his dad laughed and clapped him on the back. “Son, I could care less what you choose to major or minor in, okay? I know it seems big, but you’re you and the words on the piece of paper won’t change that. The thing I really care about is where you’ll be and how hard it would be to visit.”

“Oh! Um…”

“You want to go far, huh?” His dad looked crestfallen, though he tried to hide it.

“I’m considering it, yeah. California has a lot of really, really good schools, you know? And there’s SCAD in Georgia, and even NYU - like I’d ever get in, ha.”

“New York? Hm. You know how I feel about New York.”

Chris laughed. “I know, I know, New York is heartless and ugly. But think of the opportunities…” He sighed.

“Whoa! You’ve got stars in your eyes, kiddo. You like the thought of it that much?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

“Okay then.” His dad got a sly smile and pulled out his laptop. “Do you wanna ask Daniel if he wants to come to New York with us?”

“D-do I… want… we… yes! Yes. One sec!” Chris’s befuddled look turned to joy as he texted Daniel.

**Danny**

DUDE

Want to visit NYC colleges with me and my dad?

Please please please

new york ???

didnt think that was your thing

but of course, if its with you

YESYESYEYYESYES

Chris leapt and hugged his dad. “Oh my god, thank you! This is gonna be so cool.”

“Sure thing, kiddo,” his dad chuckled. “You’ve never been and we haven’t been on vacation to anywhere except your grandparents’ in forever.”

“But dad, you know…” he blushed. “You know I’m probably not gonna get in, right? I won't be mad if we just want to agree to send me to community college. That’d be much cheaper, anyway.”

“Chris.” His dad’s hand was firm and caring. “I’m… I’m not your mom. She was always much better at this kind of stuff. I’m glad you’re so much like her, because this was her thing and you’re already doing great. But you and her have always been terrible about seeing your own potential. You’re a killer student, already have an art-related job… and I’m sorry, kiddo, but you’ve got a sob story too.”

“But… the money.”

“I know we haven’t always lived fancy here, and I’m sorry about that. But I’ve been saving for a while now - we’ve got funds left untouched all the way back from 2007 that have been accruing interest just for this. And I’m not too proud to ask for help if we need it.”

“Dad…”

“Son. I’m gonna fight for you, okay? Finding something you care about and fighting for it, that’s what life’s all about. We can do this - you just have to promise me you’ll aim high and not settle for anything less than what you deserve.”

“Okay, Dad. I promise.”

He ruffled Chris’s hair. “That’s my boy.”

“I’m gonna go do some research so I can start my application. Thanks. I love you.”

Chris marched to his room, filled with fire. Time to make this happen.

\---

The tough part of caring about things, Chris was realizing, was that each thing split him up. April flew by: between trying to fit in paltry shifts at the library, studying for APs (more important than ever with his lofty ambitions), keeping up with his friends, and trying to work on his art, Chris’s boyfriend was getting needy at his booked up schedule.

“Chriiiiis…” Daniel pretended to cry into Chris’s neck. “I thought the point of dating was to go on  _ dates, _ not watch your boyfriend draw and listen to 80s music.”

“First of all, it was a golden era. Second of all, we have spent more time together than literally anyone ever. Third of all…” Daniel pouted at him. “I’m sorry. What do you want to do? I’m down for whatever would make you happy.”

It was fun to watch this 17 year old, muscled soccer player fawn over him, Chris had to admit. “Watch a movie with me?”

“Can I draw during the movie?”

“No!”

“Heh, fine.”

They cuddled up to each other in Chris’s bed. It was unspeakably satisfying to finally explore all of the little things that were so fascinating about Daniel. It probably spoke to how crazy Chris was lately, that he put down a pencil and immediately started tracing something else, but when that something else was Daniel’s forearm, he figured it was alright.

“Babe, are you even watching the movie?” Despite his words, Daniel seemed amused.

“I’m… listening to it. Death is gonna find them in order, I know what’s going on. I’m just a little distracted.”

“Me too.” Daniel lifted his arm from around Chris’s shoulder - he missed the feeling immediately - and lay on his side, facing him. Chris mirrored the position. “So… New York, huh?”

“It’s weird. I might hate it. But I might love it, too. I don’t know. It’s just exciting. And I want to chase that feeling to its conclusion, I think.”

“That makes sense,” Danny said quietly.

“What about you? I’m sure your grandma’s been talking to you about college for years now.”

“She’s been asking, yeah. I don’t really know, though.” He paused. “Is it bad if I just wanna be where you are? I think that’s bad.”

His brain agreed, but his stomach did somersaults. Chris bought time to think with a kiss. “It’s… impossibly sweet. And makes me embarrassingly happy. But yeah, I think that’s bad.”

“I had a feeling it was,” Danny laughed. “But I’m bad at hiding things from you.”

“And I love that about you. Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?”

“That’s a good idea.” The end to the conversation was punctuated by a  _ SPLAT _ and the sound of a girl screaming. Daniel sat up again and pulled Chris back under his arm. “Come on, babe. You’re gonna watch people die with me and like it.”

He did like it. (Being with Daniel had that effect.)

\---

“So. Diaz, huh?” Kyle took an accusatory sip of lemonade.

Chris couldn’t help but laugh. “Why are you saying it like that!? You two are close friends, Kyle!”

“Hmmm…” He was wearing sunglasses even though they were inside the food court of the mall. “That’s a little generous, wouldn’t you say?”

“You once got drunk and told Daniel that he’d be your best man, if, and I quote, ‘he wasn’t the one you got married to’.”

“You can’t prove that.”

“Seriously, Kyle, what about him?”

Kyle finally took off the sunglasses, and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know. My friend senses are just a little tingly, I guess. I never want to see you get hurt.”

“Hah! I think Daniel would beat up anyone who’d hurt me, including himself.”

“Maybe. But don’t you remember freshman year? He was kind of a dick.”

He was also struggling with depression and adjusting to medication, but Chris didn’t mention that. “He was, and I don’t want to sound like I’m blindly defending him. Daniel isn’t perfect by any means, but we worked through it then and we’ll do that again, if it comes up.”

“He can kinda seem perfect, though. Ever talked to him around his soccer friends? Totally different.”

“He actually got into kind of an argument with his friends, for me.” Chris blushed. “Before we were dating.”

“Yeah, but…” There was a note of frustration in his voice. “It doesn’t make you uncomfortable that it kinda seems like he has a split personality?”

Kyle raised a good point, and Chris had to think. “Uncomfortable? Sometimes, yeah. But this year I think he’s become a lot more grounded, like he understands himself a lot better. And, Kyle… we’re white. And you’re straight. It’s hard to explain, but when you’re different, you have to get used to adapting certain parts of yourself into something that people would accept more. After everything’s Daniel’s been through, I get why he’d get used to hiding different parts of himself at different times.”

“O-oh.” Kyle was taken aback. “That makes more sense, yeah.”

“Is there some reason you wanted to ask?”

He took a guilty sip of lemonade. “In hindsight, it was more of a me thing than something about Daniel. I care about you a lot, and I don’t want anyone being mean to you, okay?”

“They’re not,” Chris smiled. “Especially with you around.”

“Good. I, er, spent a lot of time with people that were pretty mean to me. Waste of time, if you ask me.” He seemed embarrassed.

“You’re not talking about me or Maegan, are you?”

“God, no! You two tease me, but I know you guys care. Nah, I just spent a lot of time trying to fit in where I didn’t belong. You remember when we fought, right? The year after we played Pokemon.”

The memory was distant. “Shit! Yeah, I do. Weird how things can change.”

“Yeah, not my best. I’m glad you didn’t let me fuck things up between us, dude. Now I can be my quirky self freely.”

“Pssh, as freely as Maegan’s leash on you allows.”

Kyle got up and stretched before going to throw out his cup. “Good thing I like being choked.”

“Oh my god.”

\---

Daniel’s hand was firm and warm in his palm. He wanted it to replace gravity, to be the thing that constantly held him and tethered him to the earth. He treasured the feeling as he drove.

“Promise you’ll make sure… everything goes okay? That I don’t mess it up or anything?”

“Chris! It’s just smoking weed,” his boyfriend laughed. “You’ll be fine, I promise. I’m here the whole time, okay? Plus, don’t forget I worked on a weed farm. I’m pretty much a pro.”

Chris giggled. “Do you think Maegan and Kyle are talking about something similar in their car?”

“No, he’s probably talking about his mom while Maegan screams ‘shut up shut up shut up.’ Or they’re crashing the car because they’re full of ramen and seriously, I might pass out.” Daniel accentuated the point with a yawn.

“Don’t you dare pass out on our prom night, asshole.” The sparse streetlights would be a lot more lonely without Daniel’s running commentary.

“Fine! I won’t. But I have to point out that we kind of did the prom stuff already. Get dressed up, go to the shitty dance for 2 seconds, go grab dinner - ramen, interesting prom choice.”

“And theeeen go to Kyle’s house and get high! It’s the full prom experience.” Chris joked to hide his unusual amount of nervousness at the prospect. “Plus, I’d really like my first time doing that to be with you, and in a safe place and stuff.”

“Even with Kyle’s mom in the next room?”

“Danny…” Chris pouted. “She’s already said she’s okay with everything and won’t mention it to our parents. And I’m excited to spend this time with you!”

“Aww… shit. You’re a villain, you know that?” He yawned again. “Weaponizing my love for you against me. Evil genius, Captain Spirit.”

Chris smiled, rubbing Daniel’s knuckles. On the dark road, it was like they were the only two people in the world. “I love you too.”

\---

“Alright, so you light it, suck, put your thumb on the hole, breathe in, let go?”

Daniel clapped him on the shoulder, almost making him spill the illegal drugs all over Kyle’s basement carpet. “You’ve got this.”

Chris tried to engage - activate - light? the lighter, but he couldn’t figure it out the first few times.

Maegan held back a snicker. “Want some help, Chris?”

“No!” He tried again, newly motivated by embarrassment, and managed to burn his fingers. Success? “Shit.”

Daniel simply rubbed his shoulder. “Learning curve. You’ll be a pro in no time - keep trying!”

Daniel was the best person ever in the weirdest ways. Chris nodded gratefully to him and tried to light the weed this time. His thumb got singed, but so did the weed - he sucked in, and more of the weed got blackened. “Shit, fuck! How do stoners do this when they can’t do Geometry?”

Kyle laughed at the affair - he had been content to let Daniel light up and operate the pipe for him, and had sat on his bean bag and giggled at nothing ever since. “Just let the big bad boyfriend help, dude!”

Chris sighed. “I concede. Help me out, Danny?”

“Anything for you.” Daniel’s hands delicately cradled the pipe and positioned the lighter. “Now, suck - breathe in - keep it for a second… blow out.”

Chris coughed up a storm - his lungs felt like they’d been toasted in a convection oven. He felt lightheaded and a little faint. “Did I… am I high?”

“Not yet, dummy,” Maegan said. “But given the cloud that just burst out of you… you’ll get there in a second.”

He smiled. “Good. Your turn, Meggo.”

“What about Daniel?” If Chris didn’t know any better, he would have said Maegan was as nervous as he’d been about their first time.

Daniel waved away the offer. “Might interfere with my antidepressants. Anyway, I promised this hottie I’d babysit him during his first time!”

Maegan’s eyes widened slightly, though whether that was out of surprise for Daniel’s casual mention of his meds or because she’d have to go through the finger-and-lung singing pipe hit, Chris was unsure.

“Bro… antidepressants? You good?” Kyle was not as subtle.

“Haha, yeah. I am.”

“You sure?” Being high didn’t give him any tact. “I thought those pills were for… you know, feeling happy all the time.”

Daniel scratched his head. “They don’t do that, they just give me the energy to feel normal. I don’t really think antidepressants are that big of a deal. The adjustment period was rough, but they definitely make my life a lot easier.”

He sounded so mature. “I’m so proud of you, Danny. You’re amazing.” Chris crawled over and hugged his chest.

“Uh oh,” said Maegan. “Looks like it’s kicking in, though I didn’t know being horny for your boyfriend was a side effect.”

“Nope,” Chris slurred. “Just a side effect of being Chris.”

Oh fuck, maybe he was high.

\---

The hot cheetos Daniel ate made his breath smell awful and his kisses taste zesty, but Chris was too disconnected from his body to care that much.

A couple feet away, Kyle waved his hand in front of his face. “Look how big my fuckin’ hand is. I used to be a kid, and now I’ve got these massive ape limbs.”

“Kyle, you’re 5’10,” Chris said.

“And you’re 5’9, so I’d watch it, punk.” A cute threat, given that they were laying together on the carpeted floor of his mother’s basement. “It’s just… I’m 17 now… then I’ll be in my 20s… and then I’ll be in my 30s. And it just… doesn’t stop, you know?”

“Eugh,” Maegan said. “Waking up so early for swim, and it’s so mindless, and then I’d go through my day all sleepy and do my homework and do it all again, my junior year just sorta vanished. The only parts I really remember well are the stuff we did together.”

Daniel nodded. “The worst parts of my life, all I can really remember is the stuff I did with my brother. I don’t know if I can’t really remember the rest because I blocked it out, or just because my kid brain just didn’t really care that much. It’s weird.”

“You don’t talk about it much,” Maegan responded carefully.

“No, I don’t,” Daniel sighed. “I’d tell people who asked that it was too painful to talk about, or whatever, but the truth is all I remember is a bunch of moments with my brother, some good, some bad, but the bad parts are just, like, arguments.”

“Do you ever talk about it with him?” Kyle asked.

“Never. The only people who know the full story are him and his boyfriend, I think.” He took a shaky breath. “He’s probably still upset about everything. I feel really guilty about it. It’s gotta be lonely.”

“Hey,” Chris said softly, grabbing his hand. “Sean made his own choices. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to bring it back up with you. My dad was like that. Besides, he’s got Finn, right? And you’ve got me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. Thanks, Chris.”

The air was still, and Chris let himself bathe in the gentle breaths of his friends around him on this random basement floor. The silence was extraordinarily comfortable between them.

After a minute or two Kyle put on some music - something indie rock, optimistic but slow.

“Fuck,” Maegan said in a half-whisper. “I’m gonna miss you guys at college.”

Kyle slapped his knee. “You know, same here, but at the same time, I’m really glad I met y’all. I think I could have been a huge asshole without people that let me be me, you know?”

“I know,” Daniel said. “You feel so lucky to have turned out this… alright… despite circumstances, but graduating is still  _ terrifying. _ It’s like, fuck! Is alternate universe Daniel even alive after everything we’ve been through?”

“You sure you’re not high, Daniel?” Maegan asked.

“Heh. Just tend to overshare in situations like these. My bad.”

“Hell no,” Kyle said. “We like it, just a little surprising! We should do this more often.”

“Formal dress and all,” Maegan agreed.

Kyle looked down on himself with wide eyes. “Did I really not change out of my suit before I  _ smoked weed? _ And you guys just let me?”

The crew shrugged while Kyle scrambled to throw on something else. Chris tugged on Daniel’s tie. “I’d like if this happened more often, too.”

Daniel didn’t have the blazer on, but he still was wearing his button-up and tie. “Which part? The drugs or the oversharing?”

“Both. Plus the tie. The tie is hot.” He leaned in for a languishing kiss. So late at night, between the weed and the darkness, it felt like they had all the time in the world.

\---

Even though Kyle’s house didn’t have the warmest blankets left over, Daniel more than made up for it. The two boys were both in just their boxers, Daniel sound asleep and still holding him close. The rise and fall of his chest and slow heartbeat against Chris’s back was the most comforting thing in the world.

It was around 4am - Chris had gotten a glance at the time before he’d lost his phone with his slacks - and in a couple of days he and Daniel would fly to New York City and Chris would have to think about his future.

It seemed silly, to think about things changing when they were so goddamn good right now. The best boy in the world in bed with him. It was intimate, but Chris couldn’t find it in him to want sex in that moment. He didn’t want anything, really.

Everything he could want was here, inside him and next to him. And finally, for one night, it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They deserved this, didn't they!
> 
> Archive from the 11th of January, 2021:
> 
> Hi folks,
> 
> I can't imagine this is the way people expected this fanfiction to end, but I'm sorry to report that this is it, for now. While I know the general plot of Chris and Daniel's senior year and where they end up after the story, I've decided to stop here for several reasons:
> 
> First and foremost, emerging life situations have led to me being unable to write to my standard.  
>  Second, the themes of this chapter would demand life knowledge from me that I do not possess yet - AKA, I need to go out and live some life before trying to express it.  
>  Third, the end of this story was going to be bittersweet, but honestly, I'm kind of tired of that shit. I want something that defies all odds to be unequivocally happy and celebratory of life, and I think that that's what the most recent chapter did. I'm happy to leave it there for now.
> 
> Am I going to never touch this fic again? I don't know. Don't wait around for an update - I'm filling this note out as chapter 10 so it's marked complete because for me at the moment, it is. But also don't count me out a few months from now. This story and the characters are special to me, and they're not abandoned - just being put to rest for a bit until I'm a better author and a better me.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and feel free to reach out to me via discord - theo#8443 - as well as in the comments below. Until then, see ya around!


	10. Senior Year

He’d seen glimpses through the windows while he got off the plane, but this was different. New York towered above Chris. It towered above everyone, really: next to the skyscrapers, everyone on the ground was insignificant, bugs in a redwood forest. Chris held on tightly to Daniel’s hand, trying to make reality make sense again.

Daniel was breathless by his side. “It’s so… big.”

“It’s as if we don’t matter at all.”

“Kind of terrifying.”

Chris tried to shake the overwhelmed feeling away. Tried to forget where he was, what he was trying to be. Instead he just focused on details.

Pigeons nipped at bread crumbs around him. Daniel thought they were cute, but they just grossed Chris out. They were more New Yorker than Chris would ever be, and he felt a little petty about that.

There was a real life hot dog stand down the street - he didn’t know those existed. It reminded him of the old cartoon he and Daniel would watch when they were kids. It was silly, but having something remotely familiar in someplace so oppressively different was soothing.

“You know,” Chris said, “the first time me, Kyle, and Maegan visited Portland we were totally overwhelmed. It was so much bigger than Beaver Creek, right? We - God, we were so dumb - we tried to ask the people walking past if they’d ever heard of it.”

Daniel chuckled. “Fucking Kyle.”

“You know it.” Chris sighed, returning from the memory. “How’d we get so big, dude?

“More like how’d the world get so big,” replied Daniel. “You know, the more I grow and see stuff, the more I think… the more I realize how awful what Sean went through was. He was younger than we are right now. And thrown into _this,_ with a child to take care of.”

“Danny, you know it wasn’t your fault. He’s okay. You’re both okay.”

“I’d like to believe that.” Daniel blinked back some tears. “Shit. Sorry. Melodrama moment. I just, um, need a second.”

“Whatever you need,” Chris assured him. Sitting down on a bench, he returned to watching the passerby, and gazing up at the skyscrapers. But this time, his attention was returned to Daniel, standing in the middle of the stream of people, watching them go by while he was stuck in one spot.

Usually this was the moment Chris wistfully thought ‘I should draw that!’ and moved on, but something about this felt different - including the pencil and paper he had on hand, and the time they had before his dad checked into the hotel.

Chris began to sketch, tracing the lines of Daniel’s chin and nose, trying his best to capture jagged edges and soft corners, the indescribable expression in his eyes. He captured the surroundings, too - hulking reflective walls and hurried people living their lives. He maybe wasn’t the best at being accurate, but he distilled the feeling of the moment - melancholy, wonder, fear, possibility.

Time must have flown by - his dad was already back by the time he was finishing up the basic shading. “Whatcha got there, kiddo?”

“Just a sketch. What about you?”

His dad’s arms were filled with brochures and flyers about things to do, places to eat, tours to go on. “Just a room key. Ready to take a break?”

Daniel nodded. “Sir yes sir!”

\---

Chris was still exploring the various NYU buildings still open for visitors - his dad and Daniel had given up long ago, citing tired feet and hunger, but Chris couldn’t stop. Something deep in Chris’s gut stirred, looking around the lecture halls and small classrooms. He wasn’t fantasizing about going there - it was more like he already knew he belonged here, and the halls welcomed him inside, oddly familiar.

After a while, he wasn’t even visiting places relevant to him. Dangerous - when he figured out he’d accidentally entered a business building, he almost threw up - but mostly the wandering was therapeutic. Listening to brand new music he’d curated just for this, and trying to make Beaver Creek Chris square up with NYU Chris, he was just… happy.

A few hours later, he tried to explain it to Daniel. “It’s just like… like I belong there, you know? Like it’s not just some random place, it makes sense for me. All the chaos and opportunities and people nerdy about art.”

Daniel chucked from on top of his lap. “Cute.” His boyfriend resumed trying to kiss him.

“Seriously, did you see that clay studio? I don’t even _like_ sculpting, but some of the figures I saw -”

“Baaabe… I was out all day with your dad. I just want some quality time with you before he comes back.”

Chris laughed. “Sorry, I forgot about that. Thanks for putting up with it all.”

“Whatever you want,” Daniel said, eyes warm. “Is this… what you want?”

“New York?” Chris had to think - he knew the answer in his heart, but communicating it was a different story. “It’s what I need. Or… you remember way back when, we were talking to Sean and Finn on the phone, and they just felt like Austin was _it_ for them? Like they felt drawn there, wanted to see how it would change them. That’s what I feel here.”

“Like Sean… huh.”

They didn’t say a word after that, caught up in their own universes, connected only by the warmth of their heartbeats.

\---

The way his dad downed iced tea was an odd mix of horrifying and mesmerizing.

“What are you even doing? You look like you’re in an eating contest.”

“What do you care, kiddo?” He burped, reminding Chris who the straight one was. “Plus, it’s not like you even like this stuff.”

“It’s too sweet,” he giggled. “Drink normal green tea - you’ll still have all your teeth by 50.”

“I don’t need teeth to drink iced tea.” His dad wiped his mouth, and sat down with a heavy thud. His smile was tempered by stormy eyes. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“I’m right here. What’s going on?” Chris’s heart leapt out of his chest, even though his dad already knew he was gay and dating Daniel and all the other stuff. Leftover instincts from childhood, he supposed.

“Well… this is actually more about me than you. I saw how much you took to New York, and… it really reminded me of my earlier years. You inspired me, Chris.” He paused. “Kyu Won got a job in Portland. She invited me to move in with her. I’d like to say yes - with your permission.”

“Oh! Oh.” Certainly not what Chris was expecting. “Of course you have my permission!”

“Really? You don’t have any strong feelings about moving out of your childhood home? Me taking a big next step with a lady? Nothing?”

“Well… I think I do, but it’s your life. We aim high and don’t settle for less than we deserve, right? And you deserve Kyu Won. Is there at least gonna be a room for me?”

“Of course there is. She likes you more than she likes me!”

Chris chuckled. “Then I’m fine. I want you to be happy, dad. I have good memories here, but I can always stay with the Reynolds, right? This is good. This is a good change.”

“Yeah,” his dad said, wrapping Chris in his arms. “Yeah, it is.”

\---

Chris stared wistfully at the portrait of Daniel he’d sketched in New York. His boyfriend’s face, etched out among dark buildings, stirred something inside him, even as a facsimile.

He laughed softly to himself. Even when he was dating Daniel and spending all of his spare time with him, he was still everywhere in Chris’s thoughts. Somehow, living life in one of the biggest cities in the world where he knew no one was more feasible than just breaking up with his boyfriend.

The thought made him itch. He ignored it and added more detail to the drawing.

\---

He’d landed back in Oregon a couple days ago, but it didn’t feel like he was back home until he had one of Sabrina’s hugs. She looked older than he remembered, messy bun and haphazard clothing almost managing to hide how happy she looked working for the library. She had an odd expression on her face.

“Chris! I missed you so much - how was the trip?”

“It was amazing,” he smiled. “New York…”

She giggled. “You’re one of those, huh? In love with the city?”

“NYU… it’s…”

“It’s everything you hoped it’d be? I’m glad.” She sighed.

“Sabs, is everything okay? You’re a little more… toned down than I’m used to. Did something happen?”

“Uh… not yet. Can I get you a drink?”

He spluttered. “A drink?! No! Tell me what’s wrong.”

She rubbed her hands nervously, turning around and stepping away from him.

“So, I got a promotion! I am now Beaver Creek Library’s official community manager. I’ll still be here, helping out, but we’re going to hire a new librarian so I can focus on bringing the community together through events. Comes with a cool pay raise, too.”

“Oh my god,” Chris breathed. “I am so proud of you, Sabrina! I honestly can’t think of anyone more deserving - really. Why do you look so sad about it?”

“Because my first act as community manager is going to be firing you, Chris.”

“What?”

“I- gah.” Her composure slipped.

Chris stepped forward and gave her a tight hug. “It’s okay. Say what you need to say.”

Gathering herself, she cleared her throat. “Um, I couldn’t help but notice that last year, even though you were so busy, you put in a lot of hours here. As much as I love having you here, you need to focus on your future, Chris. This job is great for a college resume, but it’s competitive out there. You need to focus on your art and your grades, not on a gig that can only teach you so much. So… you’re terminated, with additional overtime back pay for your hours from the past year.” Her voice oscillated between professional and inconsolable. 

“I… wow, Sabs.”

“I believe in you, okay? Give it your best shot.” She wiped away a tear. “Are you mad at me?”

Chris laughed. “How could anyone be mad at you? I do have a request, though.”

“Anything. Well, not anything. But shoot.”

“Can I draw you?”

Sabrina squealed, professionalism gone. “Yes please please please I’ve been waiting so long but I knew it would be rude to ask -”

\---

Everything in Chris’s life felt like it was shifting - Dad was starting to prep the home for sale, which meant stripping out floors, chopping down dead trees, patching up punched holes in walls. The house was chaos, and as great as being with Daniel was, the elephant in the room that was the future still lurked. The summer was a mad dash of studying art anywhere Chris could, trying to make the use of his free time while he still had it. 

All that was to say, walking into Beaver Creek High School for the 541st time felt like a breath of fucking fresh air.

AP Government, Studio Art, English Literature, AP Physics… it was weird how the classes became background noise. It’d taken him a while to realize, but school was about Chris seeing his friends every day - even if there was a republican in the room telling him about gerrymandering while it happened.

Maegan was rocking a bob this semester, and it was distractingly pretty while she spoke. “Dude. When you walk through the halls, everyone you see is our age or younger. We are the fucking oldest people in the building.”

Kyle frowned. “Meggo, there’s a 63 year old dude asleep at his desk like 5 feet from us.”

Maegan ignored him. “So, our last homecoming is on the horizon. What’s on the menu, party planners?”

“Fuck yes,” Kyle moaned. “So first, we’re gonna grab appetizers at Paley's Place, chef Vitaly Paley's 20-year-old restaurant in downtown Portland. Next, we head to the coast and rent jet skis. Next, we’re gonna go to a remote island -”

\---

Kyle’s basement floor’s carpet tickled his neck as Chris took a lazy drag of the blunt. “Jesus, this is the best Homecoming ever. Can you believe people pay thousands of dollars to be depressed in a limo?”

Daniel laughed. “I’ll be depressed right here for free, thank you very much.”

“You ate all my hot cheetos and you’re still depressed?” Maegan snorted. “I want my money back.”

“Nooo depression,” Chris moaned. He dragged himself to Daniel’s side and kissed him on the chest. “Is it fixed now?”

Maegan laughed evilly. “Think you’d have to kiss him somewhere else for that.”

“Yeah, like this!” Without hesitation Kyle shoved his face in Daniel’s crotch and attempted to motorboat Chris’s boyfriend’s balls. Chris and Maegan looked on in abject horror and fascination as the boys started wrestling each other, Kyle continuing to try to simulate fellatio on Chris’s soulmate.

“I think I’ve seen videos like this on the internet,” Chris murmured.

“Me too,” Maegan responded.

\---

Hours later, when Chris would have been asleep on any other night, the group sat in comfortable silence.

“So…” Kyle said. “I know we said no future talk, but… I can’t help but wonder.”

“Dude,” Maegan admonished.

Daniel sighed. “It’s okay. I wonder too.”

“Just because I’m moving doesn’t mean we stop being best friends, okay? Nothing can stop me from bothering you guys.”

“Yeah, but a relationship isn’t as easy to, you know…” Kyle was interrupted by Daniel getting up and leaving the room. “Shit. I’m sorry -”

“I’ll talk to him. You stay here,” Maegan said, following Daniel out the door.

Chris sat, upset but not surprised. “Kyle… not cool, dude.”

He rubbed his forehead. “I know. I’m fucking sorry, that was out of line.”

“I can’t say I don’t get it. If you think it’s weird, imagine how I feel! I understand why you’d get tired of not talking about it.”

“Are you hoping he comes with you to NYU?”

“Whoa, Kyle, I’m still hoping I even get in.”

“This is such a Chris move,” Kyle laughed. “Dude, if they rejected you, I bet you’d just go somewhere even better. That’s just who you are! We all know it. You’re one of the hardest working people I know.”

Chris held his gaze for a moment, soft smile on his lips. “Thank you. Really.”

Kyle stared right back. “Are we about to kiss right now?”

Chris burst out into laughter. “I hate you. Do you mind if I draw for a second?”

“Go for it.” Kyle lay down, fixing a dreamy stare at nothing in particular. Chris put his pen to work.

\---

“What’s that you’ve been working on, Chris?” Kyu Won sat across from him at the dining room table, drinking in the sketches on the table.

“Oh, nothing much,” he said, head down to hide the flush in his cheeks.

She laughed. “Real subtle, kid. What are these, portraits? Personal project?”

“Uhh… sort of?” He spread out the few he’d done so far - Daniel in New York, Sabrina smiling, lighting up the bookshelves around her, Kyle almost floating on his basement floor. “I was hoping to polish some of them up and use them in my portfolio for NYU.”

“You don’t sound very sure about that.”

“No,” Chris sighed. “I guess I’m not. I just don’t feel like anything I could submit would be… grand enough. This is all so impossible, capturing all of who I am and trying to show someone else.”

Kyu Won smiled. “The thing about portraits is that they show us more about the artist than about the subject. See, I can already get a lot of how you feel about this girl through the sketch - it just needs some more details.”

“I have a picture of this moment I can reference -” Chris was interrupted by Kyu Won shushing him.

“No way! Stop trying to recreate the image you saw - remember how you felt about her in that moment, and represent that.” She rubbed him on the shoulder. “I’ve been alive for a long fucking time, and memories fade. I can’t always remember what someone looked like, or their name, but you never forget how someone made you feel. That’s the key.”

“Hmm. I do usually draw when I feel like capturing a specific moment. Maybe that’s me trying to express an emotion?”

She punched him in the arm. “You got it. Sharpen these up, add some more detail, and you’ve got a portfolio, Chris. I believe in you.”

Chris smiled at her as his dad came bursting through the door. “I got barbecue - who’s hungry!”

“We were having a moment, Charles!” She kissed him on the cheek. “Good talk.”

“Good talk.”

Chris’s dad looked quizzically between them, then shrugged and opened up the bag. “No time for questions when there’s good sausage on the table, eh?”

Chris laughed. “You go ahead! I’ll have some in a second.” For the time being, Chris grabbed an empty sheet of paper.

“Thanks, son,” Charles said, mouth full of meat and sauce.

Kyu Won shook her head. “Capturing your father at his weakest moment. Sneaky son of a bitch.”

\---

Although the words were ingrained in his head by now, Chris still couldn’t help rereading every line of his essay, every extracurricular he’d listed, and reexamining every inch of the artwork he’d attached. The mouse hovered over the submit button, but his hand trembled too much to press it.

**Danny <3**

Can you come over?

Need you rn

ofc. 2 secs

True to his word, Daniel was there in an instant, hopping onto Chris’s bed the same way he’d done a thousand times before.

“Sorry - it’s not such a big deal, it’s just… a lot, and I didn’t want to be alone.”

“Hey, hey, this all is listed in the boyfriend contract, okay?” Daniel rubbed Chris’s back with a comforting hand. “Too scared to press submit?”

Chris sighed. “Something like that. It just… doesn’t seem very fair. It took me so long to figure out what I wanted, but apparently I was supposed to be spending all that time preparing for this. I want to be able to do something, anything, to prove that I deserve this, but 95% of my application is me just telling them what I’ve already done.”

“Come on, dude,” Daniel said, tender but firm. “Your test scores are great - you worked really hard on those. And even if you didn’t know where you wanted to go, you’ve grown a shitton. This is just me, but I’d rather have the Chris I know and love than the Chris who designed his entire life around getting into a school. Be proud, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris said, unconvinced. “Would you… press it for me?”

Daniel’s brow quirked. “You want me to press the button that will take you thousands of miles away from me for years?”

“... yes.”

“If you insist,” Daniel said. A click of the mouse and a confirmation, and it was done. “That was anticlimactic.”

“I know, right?” Chris yawned, exhausted from the stress. “I owe you, Danny.”

“Oh, you do, do you? In that case…”

\---

Chris gripped the steering wheel tightly, pale knuckles in stark contrast to Daniel’s calm loading of the Nerf guns in the passenger seat.

“Repeat to me the rules of this whole thing?”

“It’s Assassin, babe! We have to shoot our targets before the deadline, and avoid our own assassins. The winning pair gets $500 each.”

Chris groaned. “Why don’t we just knock on Francesca’s door, then? You know her mom.”

“No shooting people on private property - you have to wait for them to exit first. That’s why we’re staking out her house instead.”

“Who are our assassins?”

Daniel shook his head. “If we find out it’ll be with guns pointed at us. Although we can shoot our assassins to gain immunity for a day - but that rarely happens.”

“Ooooookay.” Chris tried to be annoyed, but it was all just so stupid, he couldn’t help but laugh. “At least I’m spending time with you, dork. Mind if I draw while you stalk a woman?”

“Yes, I do mind!”

\---

The government teacher was visibly sweaty - he understood why, given the room was covered floor to ceiling in student campaign posters across the years. When Mr. Fantoon went off on a tangent about his personal takes (“Elon Musk is Iron Man in real life!”) Chris would let his eyes glaze over and survey the posters. Every year the AP Government class held a mock presidential election that students went all out for - despite not really helping anyone learn any material, Fantoon made it a whopping 50% of students’ grades. Today was no different in class, except for Francesca’s accusatory glare from across the classroom (come on, that was a week ago!) and Kyle asleep unusually early today.

Wait - Francesca, Kyle, the posters… Chris formulated an idea.

That evening, Chris clapped Kyle on the back with a grin. “Hey! You know the mock campaign project in Gov?”

Kyle’s eyes darted from side to side. “Of… course! The project! We’re in a group, aren’t we?”

“Obviously,” Chris agreed. “I was thinking you be the candidate and I’ll manage the campaign, okay?”

“Me...? In politics? Are you sure?”

“Of course! You have a natural charisma, dude. You’ll do great in the interviews, you just have to be yourself.”

Kyle nodded. “I can get behind this! When do we start?”

“Just draft some ideas for a campaign speech tonight, and you can come to my house tomorrow to practice.” Chris looked around cautiously before leaning in. “And… make sure to keep this a secret. If anyone finds out our plans, they could try to sabotage us, okay?”

“Okay,” Kyle said conspiratorially. “Thanks, bro.” He walked off with the saunter of a stallion in heat. Chris almost felt bad.

\---

An old music stand served as the podium as Kyle delivered the speech to Chris’s bed. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, our country today faces a crisis unlike that we have ever seen before. Our teens, devoid of a hobby, loiter bored in playgrounds after dark. Our babies wail on airplanes. Our adults turn into fucking hardasses. Well, no longer. With my ‘Weed for We’ program no one will go without one of the most essential substances of our time: marijuana. With Piorkowski, the limit is sky high.” Kyle looked up. “That’s what I have so far!”

Chris gaped at him, lost for words.

“That… was… incredible.”

Kyle blushed and turned away. “Really?”

“You really have a way of seeming both authoritative and approachable that makes you perfect for this kind of thing. I think with practice, this’ll be perfect!”

“Aw, gee… what do I do next, Mr. Manager?”

Chris took a moment, thinking hard. “Well, I guess… you should practice the speech. Make sure you’re proud of it. And then… we’ll reveal you to the world! I’ll drive you in my car and you can deliver the speech to the entire student body.”

“In your car? But, Chris…”

Chris placed a finger on his mouth. “No buts. Believe in yourself. Believe in me.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Kyle nodded vigorously and ran out of the room.

\---

The sunroof was open. Kyle stood precariously in Chris’s car, poking out of the top, his waist upward exposed to the public. He teetered as Chris’s car crawled through the street.

“Kinda… kinda hard to remember the speech like this.”

“If you blank, just improvise! You have the talent, dude,” Chris shouted back up to him.

“Okay… okay!”

Just as the car turned the corner towards BCHS, a movement on the sidewalk. Before anyone could react, a soft _twang_ sounded, and the world erupted into chaos.

Kyle screamed, Daniel whooped, and Chris pulled the car over - carefully as not to endanger Kyle, who was flopping over dramatically, hit by a single, well-aimed, Nerf bullet.

“He got me!! Daniel got me! Daniel - wait.” Putting the pieces together, Kyle peered suspiciously at Chris.

“Are you guys… Assassin partners?”

“Yup.”

“So the car speech… was a ploy?”

“Yes.”

Kyle facepalmed. “I knew there was something off about this! When’s the actual speech? Friday?”

Chris checked his watch. “Hmm… in about 6 weeks.”

Kyle went limp. “But… but I thought… the project… we were…”

“Tough luck, dude!” Daniel opened the door and removed a floppy Kyle from the passenger seat. “Don’t fall asleep in class next time.”

“Shouldn’t have been such a dick in 5th grade, Kyle!” Chris shouted, and he and his partner drove away, into the sunset.

\---

Maegan’s backyard was remarkably quiet. Combined with their phones being inside, it really was tranquil out here. Well, except for Maegan.

“And if they don’t accept me sure I have my backups and my safeties but the thing about my safeties is that I don’t even know if I like them and if I don’t like them how can I even ask my parents to pay -”

“Hey, Maegan?”

“What?”

“I’m really honored you trusted me enough to be here when you get your decision.”

She let out a nervous laugh, pacing the wet ground. “Of course. I’d do the same for you - Daniel and Kyle aren’t exactly calming presences. Though you could stand to freak out a little more.”

“Okay,” Chris giggled. “aaAAAgh!”

“Oh god. My mom is gonna think we’re killing puppies out here.”

“Would that make you feel better?”

“... maybe.”

Chris checked his watch - it was time. He looked at Maegan - still pacing, but less frenetic than before. She could handle it. “It’s 6:00.”

“Oh dear sweet fucking jesus.” Maegan’s knees shook violently. “I think I need a second.”

… maybe not. Chris smiled and leaned back. “You can have all the time in the world, okay?”

“T-thanks.” She had her face in her hands.

He let the silence sit for a little bit, listening to the sounds of the birds in the trees. It was a misty Oregon evening, and although it was gray and gloomy the embrace of the fog felt comforting and familiar.

“Maegan, do you mind if I tell you something? Or is the silence helping?”

“No, go ahead. Anything to drown out the thoughts,” she said.

“Alright.” Chris took a second to put together his words. “I think what I admire most about you is your steadiness. You always deal with stuff in such a Maegan way. Sorry, that sounds bad - I mean… you always stick to your values. Even under pressure that would kill other people, there you are, cracking jokes and making the best of a situation, and it means a lot to have someone like that to support me. You should extend that support to yourself too, because I think you really deserve it.”

Maegan was quiet, gratitude brightening her face. “Shit, Chris…”

She took a deep breath. He tried to hold back a smile - he really had the coolest friends. “You’re ready to go inside?”

“Yeah.”

\---

Chris rubbed his neck as he stumbled through the front door. He wasn’t the best driver, but he was decent enough to hardcore judge the asshole that cut him off in traffic. Between that and the physics test he’d certainly failed, it was not the best Tuesday.

There was a note on the kitchen counter - Dad was out with Kyu Won. Good for them, but did he not know how to text? Whatever.

**Danny <3**

My dad’s out for the night

Wanna make some dinner with me?

Daniel didn’t respond immediately - odd for this time of night, but hopefully he was studying. Chris yawned, leaned back, and… found himself floating in the air.

He fought a childish scream. “Daniel Diaz, you motherfucker.”

His boyfriend powers’d him gently into his firm arms. “We both have mommy issues - I don’t think either of us are fucking mothers.” Daniel gave him a lazy kiss.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Chris hopped on to his feet.

Daniel smirked. “Was doing something. Come see.” He led Chris by the hand out the front door. Together they emerged into a dazzling sight - his backyard, in all its familiar, nostalgic glory, lit up by hovering candles. It was straight out of a fairy tale.

Chris walked around in amazement. “How are you doing this?”

“Couple years of practice. Watch this.” The candles rearranged themselves into a heart. 

“When did you set this up? Wait - is my dad really out with Kyu Won?”

“He is! He just happened to give me a hand before he left. Do you like it?”

“Oh, Danny.” His voice was thick. “I love it. And you.” He ran and half tackled, half hugged his boyfriend, causing all the candles to drop a bit in the air before righting themselves.

“Shit! Oops. You get me every time,” Daniel laughed. “You hungry? How does pizza and a movie sound?”

“I love you so fucking much right now.”

\---

Chris was full of meat and cheese and crust and self satisfaction. He lay in Daniel’s lap, watching some campy 80s coming of age flick. Despite his favorite genre on the screen, that was not what he was paying attention to.

“You’re very pretty,” Chris mumbled.

Daniel smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead. “You too, dude. I’d date you.”

“Oh, cool.”

Daniel yawned and paused the movie.

“What’re you thinking about? I haven’t seen you zone out this much since _Real Genius.”_

“Hey, that one was so weirdly homoerotic and misogynistic, you can’t blame me. And they hack the government with no consequences. It was like it was making fun of our dystopia.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “You’ve only got a week, huh?”

Chris shut his eyes. “Yeah.”

“And?”

The words came out before he could stop them. “I’m not ready.”

“If you of all people aren’t ready, all those other artsy assholes should be retaking the 6th grade,” said Daniel. “Why aren’t you ready?”

“It’s… a lot of things. Other artists have style, a vision, something that sets them apart that they’ve spent their life cultivating. And I’ve got… a perspective, I guess? The portraits I submitted have _me_ in them, but they don’t remotely show that I’m someone ready to share my work with the world.” He sighed. “I’m really not trying to fish for compliments or anything, I just don’t… it just doesn’t feel right.”

Daniel frowned, contemplating while he stroked Chris’s hair. He didn’t often think before speaking like this - he appreciated it.

“Well… I’m not an art guy. For that you’d have to talk to Sean - _which you can do, by the way_ \- but I know you better than anyone. And I think that when you’re at your best is when you’re ignoring everyone else and doing what you think is right. Like, we definitely wouldn’t be where we are now if you had always listened to me.” Chris laughed. “Anyway, this might be kind of simple advice, but cut through all the noise and expectations and just figure out what you want, okay? And I’ll be right here with you. I swear.”

“Thanks.” Chris’s brow furrowed. “But when you say here with me…”

“I don’t mean in New York,” Daniel sighed. “I know I’ve… uh, been sorta secretive about graduation. But I decided what I’m gonna do.”

His eyes widened. “Yeah?”

“I think I’m gonna go live with Sean for a while.” Daniel looked embarrassed. “I know, going to live with my older brother sounds kinda lame. I’m honestly not sure what I’m gonna tell people. But I need to work some stuff out. Really talk to him, get answers. Even if they’re not what I want to hear.”

“What answers?”

“Why he left. Why mom left. If he resents me. How he deals with everything. Fun family stuff.”

Chris sat up and hugged him tightly. “You’re incredible, Danny. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“Thanks,” he sniffled. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Even when you don’t feed me pizza.”

\---

It seemed like more and more of life was taken up by college - now that the last application date was coming up and some people were already receiving decisions, it was all anyone talked about. Who was applying where, who’d already committed to which school, whether or not someone had a good shot at getting in.

His teachers even got in on it - Fantoon, awful as always, would start every class the same way: “Any decision gossip?”

Most times he’d try to ignore it, but one Thursday he even went up to Chris’s desk. “Aren’t you applying to NYU? Isn’t that decision soon?”

And Chris was not in the mood. “Aren’t you supposed to teach instead of using teenagers as entertainment?”

Thankfully he slunk away after that, but it didn’t make Chris’s throat any less tight, didn't make it any easier to breathe. _Fucking college._

\---

“The house looks so different.”

His dad shrugged. “They want to sell a rural, wholesome lifestyle to give us the big bucks. So now we live in ‘the cradle of authentic Oregon’ instead of… a house.” He ruffled Chris’s hair. “Don’t worry. I don’t like it either, buddy.”

Chris poked a vase that looked contorted - modern art, maybe? “Whose even is this?”

“The realtor, I think. Her wife is a glass blower.”

“Ohhh,” said Chris. “Who’s glass?”

His dad didn’t seem to catch that one. “Dunno, they buy it or something. Wanna look at the houses we’re thinking about?” He was shown pictures of everything from what seemed like mansions to tiny shacks in the middle of the city.

“Seems eclectic so far.”

He laughed. “Guilty as charged, kiddo. I guess we’re visualizing some options - still figuring out what we want out of this big lifestyle change.”

Chris cocked his head. “How do you do that, exactly?”

“Figure out what you want from a change?” Chris nodded at him. “Come with me, son.”

They split up the work - his dad armed with a shovel, Chris with the little plastic box. Such a small container to hold years’ worth of memories - it made his head spin. 

Chris decided to go to the junk shelves of his room, little museums of past phases grown out of. Hawt Dawg Man, Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, plus a bunch of series he only liked for the hot boys - so much was represented here. But what should last?

He settled on a few items. A Power Bear plush, once used to play with Daniel. His soccer jersey from elementary school, to remind future Chris that he can’t be good at everything. Some art pieces, including cringy gay Supernatural fanart just to further humble himself. Finally, a letter he’d written. For a few moments, Chris worried he wouldn’t have anything to say, but when the time came the words just flowed.

_Hey Chris! This is Chris._

_I sincerely hope you’re doing well. I am doing... something. The funny thing about life is that the more good things you get, the worse everything bad feels in comparison. You get reminded of all the happiness that you could lose._

_But I know you. We didn’t lose all of it, I’m certain - that’s who we are. Even if you’re not in New York, or dating Daniel, or even doing art, I’m sure that we’re okay._

_You know we haven’t always been. And things can get confusing, and overwhelming, and sometimes you just want to disappear until everyone forgets your name. But now I think I have friends that won’t forget me no matter how much I try. I’ve got a family, too - that’s weird. Even a job waiting for me in case my career flops._

_I honestly don’t know where I’ll be after next week - I’m scared. Really scared. Scared to get rejected. Scared to get accepted - that’s even more upsetting._

_I was gonna say it’s hard to believe there even is a Chris on the other end of next week, but that would be a total lie - we’ve come so far already, there’s no way we’re stopping now. Just one more obstacle and we’ll be on our way._

_Just one more week._

_I love you._ _Live_ _Keep living a good life._

_-CE_

“Chris? You’ve got tears on your face.” His dad stood in the doorway, fond and concerned.

“Oh. Heh, yeah,” he replied, wiping them away. “Just appalled at the posters you let me get. No idea how I lasted so long in the closet.”

“Well…”

“Dad!”

\---

The weirdest thing about it was the way everyone treated it like a normal day. Well, not everyone. Before Daniel had gone to school, he’d left a note on Chris’s door: _good luck! text me if you need anything at all. i love you_

But other than him, cars still drove, people still walked to school, and his dad still went to work, leaving Chris home alone to agonize. His first solution was to watch 80s coming of age movies - what better captures the torment of youth than teens being heinously cruel to each other before falling in love? He made it through _Heathers_ , but got anxious halfway through _But I’m a Cheerleader._ Part of him wanted to draw while he watched it, but another part very _very_ much did not.

Even _Stardew Valley_ couldn’t soothe him for long. Getting lost planting parsnips and romancing Alex was well and good, until the in-game clock hit 6:00 and he _remembered._

“Fuck!” Chris groaned. His brain was on fire and nothing at all was working to distract him. It wasn’t even 4:00 yet - Danny was still in school.

He flopped onto his bed. Jesus, this was fucking miserable. Even though Chris was _convinced_ he wasn’t ready, he still wanted to get in. So. Badly. Humiliatingly badly.

 _Think, Eriksen._ What did coming of age movie protagonists do when they had problems? Other than drink, have sex, use slurs… wait. Perfect. (Not the slurs part. Bad timing.)

Chris settled into the seat of his dusty old car, 80s anthems playing on one of the CDs he’d burnt. He ignited the engine, and was off.

Immediately he was stressed - how did people do this? Where was he supposed to go? He couldn’t even tell Google Maps where to take him, he was just drifting. The stress was kind of freeing, though. This was a stress he could opt out of at any time, a wild sort of excitement that gave him energy instead of taking it away.

He decided to go down the highway east, towards the national forest. This route awakened memories he’d had with his parents, though he’d always been in the back seat. He’d lean his head against the window and watch the traffic get sparser and sparser, the car winding up and down through hills and valleys and forested paths until they started ascending some part of the mountain ridge. He did the same now, leaving Beaver Creek behind.

Leaving his home behind. Is that really what he wanted? What he needed? Everything he had was in that tiny town he’d lived in his whole life. He hadn’t seen a lot of New York, but he saw enough to know that it would be different, and terrifying. 

_Shit._ Chris was getting overwhelmed. He pulled over at a rest stop, clutching his head in his hands. It was all mixed together, fear and anxiety and hope and excitement and yearning. He didn’t know whose thoughts were whose. Was he really not ready? Or did he just not want to be?

His phone buzzed - apparently the rest stop had wi-fi in the middle of a dead zone.

**Danny <3**

where the fuck are you

_Missed FaceTime call_

if you ignore another call we’re over

_Missed FaceTime call_

ok bye

_Missed FaceTime call_

your phone probably died

...

call me

Chris grinned.

Something like that. See you soon

He threw the car into drive again. Sure, he didn’t know how he felt about Beaver Creek, or college, but he knew how he felt about Daniel.

\---

The website was unremarkable, just a simple home page with a link that read: **Application status: Decision ready.** Blood rushing in his ears, Chris clicked it.

The website

took

forever

to

load

Until he noticed it.

Confetti on the screen.

He was in.

He got into NYU.

There was a cacophony of noise behind him - Danny and his dad celebrating - and he felt their embrace from behind, but he just felt… odd. Happy, but… he should feel like them, like his dad and Daniel, screaming, maybe crying, but not apprehensive.

The world slowly came back into focus. He registered Daniel’s words: “- have to celebrate. I’ll call Maegan and Kyle, they’ve been so impatient -”

Chris whipped around. “No!”

“No?” asked Daniel, cocking his head.

“Um, I think…” _What_ was _he thinking?_ “I think I’d prefer something more lowkey, just for tonight.”

Daniel nodded apologetically. “You’re right, my bad - just got a little ahead of myself there. Whatever you want, dude.”

Chris was in a haze. He felt guilty for making Daniel feel bad, but he could not face Maegan and Kyle right now. He could barely face his family. “I’ll… um… go get some snacks.”

His dad frowned. “What?”

“I’ll be right back.” Chris grabbed his keys and left. Back to his car, almost out of gas.

On the road, Chris flipped his phone to do not disturb and tried to breathe. This was good. This is good news. Good news. This is everything he wanted - a slim chance came true. Why didn’t he feel right? Why wasn’t he celebrating?

The grocery store was thinly populated. He half-walked, half-dragged himself inside, glad to be able to do _something._ His legs carried him to the snacks aisle from muscle memory, only for him to not watch where he was going, bumping into… Mac Kelley.

 _Life is torture._ “Shit! Sorry! I’m sorry, Mac.” Chris had no idea if he was dealing with the bully or the closeted sadboy, and he wasn’t looking forward to either option. But a cursory glance told him it might be neither. His face looked… softer, than before.

“Oh! Um… no worries, Chris.” Mac smiled sheepishly. “It’s actually good to see you. Uh - not to be weird or anything.”

“Don’t worry,” Chris said. “Pretty sure you are the least weird thing about tonight.”

Mac laughed. “I’ll take that as a compliment, I guess. For real, it’s cool to talk. How’ve you been?”

Who the fuck was Chris talking to? “Uh… good? Up until specifically recently life was pretty great. What about you?”

“It’s been alright. I came out to a couple people. And got a scholarship, so I can get out of my house. I’m gonna be a vet,” he smiled.

“O-oh! That’s unexpected. But cool!”

“Yeah,” Mac agreed. “Listen, Chris. I wanted to apologize. For real - I’m not trying to fuck you this time,” he laughed. “It’s hard to express, but you saw me at my absolute worst, and I took a lot of it out on you. Even when I thought I had grown, I was still trying to use you to feel better about myself. I’m glad you did the right thing for yourself, and I’m sorry that _that_ is the experience of me I gave you.”

Chris was absolutely disarmed. “Thanks. Really. That’s really mature of you - I appreciate you telling me that. And listen… I don’t know how to say this exactly, but I don’t think we’re all that different. If my dad had made different choices, and if I didn’t have Daniel, I would have been really, really depressed. And I would not have done things I’d be proud of. So yeah, dude. You’re totally forgiven, Mac.”

He looked stunned. “Can I…” Chris reached forward and gave him a hug while he let loose a shaky breath. “Thanks.”

They looked fucking crazy, embracing and nearly crying right there in the snack aisle, but the night was already pretty crazy.

“You know, Chris… the thing is, I don’t know if that’s true. That we would have been the same had our people been a little different. You’ve always been good at drawing people in, getting close to others. Inspiring people. Wanting friendships like that is part of the reason I came out, actually.” He let out a self-pitying laugh.

“Thanks, Mac.” The world seemed to straighten itself out a bit. “That’s a really nice insight. And kind to say.”

The boys were interrupted by a middle aged woman, tapping her foot expectantly. “Are you two dumb? You’re blocking the tortilla chips.”

Chris frowned. “Take them, then.” He tossed her a bag, a little rough so they’d get crushed up.

She sneered at him and pushed her cart away. “Choke on them,” Mac called out afterwards.

“Oddly, you always were pretty funny,” Chris laughed. “I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Talk to you later, Eriksen.”

Chris barely registered the walk back to his car. He sat there in the parking lot, adding pieces together.

He wanted to go to college.

He did - he wanted to grow, figure out a way to be the person that Mac saw.

At the same time, thinking of college made him panic.

Chris took a deep breath and started the engine.

It was like he wanted it, but not yet. He couldn’t start over like that yet - wasn’t strong enough to lose his support system. To lose Daniel.

But, could he… would he be allowed to… would he let himself -

Another deep breath, and he was home.

Fuck it.

He walked inside to his family, his support system, their eyes wide with concern and love, and he confessed the truth.

“I’m not ready.”

\---

5 Months Later

Chris checked his phone - the clock read 2:00 AM. It felt wrong, seeing that time, looking around and seeing darkness through the school’s windows, usually full of sunlit glare.

Kyle sidled up next to him, hands full of funnel cake and chicken nuggets. “Dude,” he said, mouth full. “The moms cooked us free food and we can have as much as we want!”

Chris laughed. “You found this out and decided now was the perfect time to get heart disease?”

“The only heart problem I have is a broken one. Because all my friends are mean to me.” Kyle feigned a heart attack, spilling a couple nugs in the process. “Also, because my best friend is LEAVING -”

“Hey! What did we say about tomorrow talk?” Maegan appeared from behind him, toting her own plate of waffles and french fries. “Daniel and Chris did not do a lock-in so they could get locked in with your emo ass, alright? Let’s go have some fun!”

“Agreed,” Daniel said. “I did the lock-in so all the PTA moms would be sure I’m not out there drinking and driving. Even though I literally cannot do either of those things.”

Chris lavished a kiss on him. “Yup! Nothing to do with the handsome boyfriend you see before you.”

Daniel smiled at him. “Nothing at all.”

First up: palm readings. Maegan went first.

The woman in the booth nodded at her, impressed. “You’re a very hardworking girl. You don’t always get what you want, but you are more than capable of securing everything that you need, dear. The question is not what you can do - it is what you should. Never forget yourself and you will live a happy life.”

“Thanks,” Maegan said, rolling her eyes. She apparently had the opposite reaction to Kyle, who was sitting shocked in line.

Next up, Chris.

“Hmm. Your palm speaks to me of someone who cares not for wealth or the material, but for something greater. You are quiet, but you hide great meaning and purpose inside. Let others see it, and be inspired, and you will be inspired in turn. And this line here - you will be very lucky in love. Keep an eye out for a special lady in your future.”

Kyle whooped and hollered. “Look out, Danny!” Daniel shoved him in response.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Chris nodded gratefully and left the booth, somewhere between impressed and skeptical.

Third up, Kyle.

The reader looked almost disgusted reading his palm. “Your oafish behavior hides something very rare among young men nowadays. In fact, there is great power hidden somewhere beneath all this muck. Take care your frivolous malfeasance does not alienate those who matter.”

Maegan nodded and clapped. “She’s really good!”

“Thanks, I guess?” Kyle withdrew his palm gingerly and absconded.

Finally, it was Daniel’s turn.

At this point, Chris was totally off the mysticism train, and totally on the “this woman is great at cold reading people and can’t wait to see what she says about his boyfriend” train.

She took one look at his palm and gasped. “This… you… I have not seen this in a long time.” Her eyes sought out Chris and pleaded with him. “Keep him safe.”

Daniel choked, snatching his hand back. “I was more hoping to learn how my flight was gonna be tomorrow, but thanks anyway.” He walked back to his friends. “Ignoring _that…_ what’s next?!”

\---

5am.

Chris wondered why he paid $12 to get drunk when he could just stay up this late to get the same effect. Looking around, his friends were feeling it too.

Kyle wobbled on his feet, slurring his words as he chattered about something or other with Daniel - sea otters? Or perhaps “she oughta”.

Daniel, to his credit, was following along pretty well despite his eyes being fully closed. He looked adorable, almost about to drool.

Maegan seemed to be sleeping on Chris’s shoulder - scratch that. If she was willing to risk being perceived as dating him in public, she was definitely asleep.

Or not. She murmured quietly into his sleeve: “I’m gonna miss you.”

It broke his heart in two. “I’m gonna miss you too.”

Her head lolled back onto the wall. “It’s not gonna be like when I went to camp over the summer... I won’t be able to come back and see you. We’ll - we’ll have to plan something.”

“We will. I’m the greatest planner ever, remember?” He rubbed her shoulder.

“Yeah. You really are.”

Their conversations were interrupted by the intercom. “Congratulations, BCHS graduates! We pass another year with zero car accidents or fatalities. Your parents are waiting outside to pick you up. Remember: once a Brawlin’ Beaver, always a Brawlin’ Beaver!”

Kyle’s eyes went wide. “We’re… called the Brawling… Beavers…?”

“Yup. Was a real popular name with the enemy teams in soccer,” Daniel said.

Chris rubbed his head. “You mean we fully graduated from this school. And got a diploma. And had no idea we were beavers.”

“Yup,” Maegan nodded.

Chris knew they were too tired for their usual fits of stupid laughter, but this time something different happened. Kyle… started to cry. Fully sobbing, complete with hiccups and little sniffles.

Daniel and Maegan shared looks of distress. People were starting to stream through the commons towards the exit, casting them odd glances as they walked past the sitting friends.

Seeing as his friends were useless, Chris grabbed Kyle in a soft hug. “Hey. What’s going on, buddy?”

“Y-you KNOW what’s wrong!! Y-you’re leaving..!!! A-and I-I’m not gonna be able to wa-wake up in time to say goooooodbyeeeeee!!”

Chris patted him on the back. “That’s okay! Because it doesn’t have to be a goodbye. Just a ‘see you later’. Because we’re gonna see each other again.”

“And even if it takes a little while,” Daniel said, shaking off his stupor, “we’ll always have some kickass memories to hold us over. Like, seriously. We had more fun in two years than some people have in lifetimes.”

“B-but I want t-to have m-more fun…”

Maegan grabbed his hand. “Then you better start thinking of some fun reunion activities, okay? If you’re not going to college you better be spending some of that time thinking about us.”

“M-my mom is helping me g-get my real estate license so we can be realtors together. But I g-guess I can do that in the meantime.” Kyle held out his arms, and the four friends had a cheesy, walkway-blocking, thoroughly heartwarming group hug.

“It’ll be okay, guys,” said Daniel. “I swear.”

Maegan kicked him. “Says you. Lucky bastard.”

Chris said nothing. He just listened to his friends bicker and cry, trying to capture a memory he could hold on for a lifetime.

\---

Even though most of his stuff was packed, there was still the last-second stuff to put together - his toothbrush, phone charger, some snacks for the flight. Chris ended up wishing he hadn’t rushed to put it all away, because the only thing more stressful than having something to do was having nothing to do. He lasted all of 2 minutes sitting on the stripped bed before taking inventory of everything he left. Looking around the barren house, he couldn’t find anything, an experience that left him more melancholy than relieved. _Apparently trying to do anything at all just makes it worse._ Finally giving in, Chris returned to his childhood bedroom and laid on the floor.

It was there that Daniel found him. “Hey, dummy. Sleepy from the lock-in?” he asked, hauling Chris’s luggage over his shoulder.

“No. I mean yes, but I’m running on adrenaline for now. I’m… I’m scared, Danny.” He sat up, feeling dizzy.

Daniel laughed, setting the bags down and turning to face his boyfriend. “Don’t be. I’ll be there the whole time, okay?”

“I know.” He blushed. “Are you sure Sean’s… cool, with all of this? Me coming to live with you guys? Him tutoring me in art? I mean… that’s your family, and I get if -”

“Shut up! Shut up. You’ve asked a million times and I don’t know how to get it through your thick skull that you’re family too.” Daniel used his powers to launch Chris upwards into his arms. “Plus, do you really think you could spend a gap year anywhere but with me?”

Chris smiled into his boyfriend’s neck. “No.”

“Good,” said Daniel, giving him a kiss. “Now help me with these bags and stop worrying, okay?”

“Okay.” He didn’t stop worrying, obviously. But he did feel grateful to have the best boyfriend in the world.

\---

Chris’s dad stood patiently out front, waiting by the car. It was working overtime today, carrying the last vestiges of both Eriksens out of their home as well as Daniel’s things shoved in on top. Chris barely registered the look of wistful nostalgia his father had before his face was in his dad’s chest, arms wrapped tight around him. His dad didn’t seem surprised.

“Hey there, kiddo. I know, I know.”

Chris hated how big he felt, wanted to shrink down to a child again so everything could be easier. “I want to go, but I don’t want it to be over.”

His dad laughed. “That feeling? That means you did it right. Going places, forming attachments - that’s how it works, Chris. I’m proud of you. I hope you get to experience this a lot of times.”

“That’s a mean thing to say.”

“Maybe,” his dad grinned. “You ready to say goodbye?”

Chris steeled himself. “Yeah,” he said softly. Then, firmer: “Yeah.”

“Then let’s go.”

Conveniently, boxes were stacked up in the passenger seat, forcing Chris and Daniel to sit side-by-side in the back. What a weird and welcome coincidence.

Chris took advantage of the excuse, leaning on Daniel, the two boys groggy and sleep-deprived. It was a strange, sad feeling watching Beaver Creek disappear behind them. That town had once engulfed them, made them feel tiny and insignificant and unhappy, yet here they were, too big to stay despite wishing they could.

On some level, Chris had to admit that part of why he’d tried so hard in school was for this moment - to feel better than that place. To take how he’d felt - that he didn’t belong - and validate it, twist it into something self-serving instead of harrowing. But now that he was leaving, he just wanted to visit the diner one last time.

His dad didn’t have time to park at Portland’s airport - he was already late for lunch with Kyu Won, so he just pulled over at the drop-offs and jumped out of the car for two last goodbye hugs - one for Daniel, and one for Chris.

His dad whispered something to Daniel during their embrace - Chris didn’t catch what it was, but it caused his boyfriend to laugh and nod. Those two, and their secrets since New York. It made him happy.

His own hug was bone-crushingly tight, but possibly the most comforted he’d felt in his entire life. His dad, once a broken shell, glowed with pride for his son. Despite being almost a decade older, he looked the healthiest he’d been in years. And he’d done it for them. Their family. The thought almost made Chris break down right there on the street, but they both had appointments to keep.

“I love you, dad.”

“You have a home waiting for you in Portland. Call me, okay?”

“Of course.”

They tore away from each other at the same time, Chris tugging Daniel forward to get a move on, mumbling something about being late. They weren’t, but he wasn’t about to cry before they got their boarding passes.

The boys were mostly silent navigating through the airport - this was a rare experience for them, and there wasn’t much to say that they needed words to communicate.

It wasn’t until they were strapped in side by side, waiting for the plane to leave the tarmac, that Chris finally spoke.

“It’s funny… I used to dream about you rescuing me from Beaver Creek.”

Daniel smiled. “You _were_ my escape from Beaver Creek. Both back then, and now.”

“Now?” asked Chris.

He laughed. “You think I’d have the courage to do half the things I do if I weren’t trying to impress you?”

“Danny! Do you even remember how we met? You’ve been blowing my mind since before I even saw you.”

“Well, so have you,” Daniel said sincerely.

“By falling out of a dinky treehouse? Please.”

“I’m serious!” He gathered his thoughts, rubbing Chris’s hand absentmindedly. “When we met, your dad was even shittier than my mom. And just now, after driving us 3 hours to the airport, he rushed out - not because he was tired but because he was about to cry.”

“That doesn’t _really_ have to do with me -”

“One of my best friends in the world, Kyle Piorkowski, started out as someone trying to bully you. And you didn’t even let him do it! You were doing fucking conflict resolution as a 10 year old. I would have literally killed him if you’d asked me to, but here we are.” He brandished a text notification from Kyle as proof.

“Okay, okay, I see your point. We all have our strengths.” Chris looked away, feeling warm. “I am pretty proud of how far we’ve come. But… are you not nervous about the future? Talking to your brother, living in a new place, what we’ll do once my gap year is over?”

Daniel squeezed his hand tight, warming it up. “Of course I am. But we’re together. All of the sleepless nights, the drama, the ups and downs… and I ended up here. With you. So, honestly?” He smiled. “I don’t have anything to complain about. I can’t wait to see Austin with you.”

“It’s gonna be great,” Chris said, and he meant it. His boyfriend’s hand in his, he didn’t have any complaints either.

Chris rested his head on Daniel’s shoulder, and together they left the ground and emerged into the great unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The great beyond. Thanks for reading.


End file.
